For the most part, Mr. S and I are on the same page when it comes to our wedding. There are a few things we’ve disagreed on, and we’re learning the art of compromise.
One of the things we’re trying to compromise on is whether or not we’re going to have any readings at the ceremony. Mr. S is against it. He wants the ceremony to be as quick as possible so that we can go on to the party. I agree that I want a quick ceremony—10–15 minutes, tops—but I think that we can devote a minute or two of that time to a beautiful, touching secular reading.
We’ve tabled the debate for now, but if we decide to go for a reading, here are some of my faves:
“The Quiet World” by Jeffrey McDaniel
In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.
When the phone rings, I put it in to my ear
Without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.
Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.
“Why Marriage?” by Mari Nichols-Haining
Because to the depths of me,
I long to love one person,
with all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body…
Because I need a forever friend
to trust with the intimacies of me,
who won’t hold them against me,
who loves me when I am unlovable,
who sees the small child in me,
and looks for the pine potential of me…
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
with someone I feel blessed to hold…
Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love, in friendship…
Because, knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility
for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness.
Because with this understanding the possibilities are limitless…
“Love” by Roy Croft
I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.
I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a temple; out of the works of my every day not a reproach but a song.
I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good and more than any fate could have done to make me happy. You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself
“Your Laughter” by Pablo Neruda
Take breath away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.
Do not take away the rose,
the lanceflower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in your joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.
My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.
My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.
Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.
Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.
Are you including a reading in your ceremony? Do you prefer religious or secular readings?
Those are all really great, “Love” is my favorite!! We’re having a church wedding, so at least one of our readings will be religious. We are allowed some customization though, so I think I’ll pick one secular reading. Thanks for the ideas 
Yeah, we had to have at least one religious reading (we chose Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). For our other reading, we chose “Union,” by Robert Fulghum. It just fits us.
Ha. That whole first part about the Mr. wanting to do a 15-20 minute ceremony … I feel like I could have written that myself. We compromised by agreeing no readers, but we will have a beautiful short reading – it will just be read by the officiant.
We’re having two; one by Walt Whitman and the other is this excerpt from Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert. (It’s long, but I’ll share it because I think it’s great and someone else may want to use it):
“Once upon a time, Aristophanes relates, there were gods in the heavens and humans down on earth. But we humans did not look the way we look today. Instead, we each had two heads and four legs and four arms- a perfect melding, in other words, of two people joined together, seamlessly united into one being. We came in three different possible gender or sexual variations: male/female meldings, male/male meldings, and female/female meldings, depending on what suited each creature the best. Since we each had the perfect partner sewn into the very fabric of our being, we were all happy. Thus, all of us doubled headed, eight-limed, perfectly contented creatures moved across the earth much the same way that the planets travel through the heavens- dreamily, orderly, smoothly. We lacked for nothing; we had no unmet needs; we wanted nobody. There was no strife and no chaos. We were whole.
But in our wholeness we became overly proud. In our pride, we neglected to worship the gods. The mighty Zeus punished us for our neglect by cutting all the doubled headed, eight-limbed, perfectly contented humans in half, thereby creating a world of cruelly severed one-head, two-armed, two-legged miserable creatures. In this moment of mass amputation, Zeus inflicted on all mankind that most painful of human conditions: the dull and constant sense that we are not quite whole. For the rest of time, humans would be born sensing that there was some missing part- a lost half, which we love almost more than we love ourselves- and that this missing part was out there someplace, spinning through the universe in the form of another person. We would also be born believing that if only we searched relentlessly enough, we might someday find that vanished half, that other soul. Through union with the other, we would recomplete our original form, never to experience loneliness again.”
I highly suggest doing a reading — it was the best part of our ceremony I think and all of the guests commented on what we had chosen. You want the ceremony to feel significant! A reading would only add a minute or two.
We used the Roy Croft reading and oh my gosh…our reader was so outstanding. It was worth it to lengthen the ceremony by a few minutes to have the reading. The ceremony really is the most meaningful part of the day, but I didn’t really “get” that until I was actually there, doing it. Hopefully Mr. Sloth agrees to a short reading
We didn’t do a reading at our wedding, but we did other things that we prioritized. But had I seen those first two readings, I think I would have tried to find a way to include them. Just beautiful words!
Our ceremony was 11 minutes long, and that included 2 readings, us writing our own vows, and my mom doing a nice intro (she was our officiant). Totally doable to make it meaningful and still short!
I read “Love” by Roy Croft during my friend’s wedding. I am really excited about the readings that we have decided on for our ceremony.
We used “The Art Of Marriage” by Wilferd A. Peterson and everyone loved it:
The little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon.
It should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
Oh readings, I love readings – especially non-religious ones. They are different, and invoke so much more feelings in my opinion. My fiance is the same way. Short, short ceremony. I told him there was no way we weren’t doing readings though. My two favorites are Love (yay!) and The Lovely Other Dinosaur. The dinosaur reading is a little corny, but we really are a lot like those dinosaurs and it’s such a fun story.
These are all so beautiful, I adore the first one! We did a reading by the Sufi poet Rumi, which was short but so sweet, I loved it! It’s called “A Moment of Happiness”
We included the Roy Croft reading at our wedding. It was beautiful. We enjoyed having both religious readings and readings that weren’t exclusively religious in our ceremony. It all tied together beautifully, thanks in no small part to our amazing pastor.
We did two readings and also had two friends of ours perform “Two of Us” by the Beatles in between the readings, and with the intro, the marriage blessing, and the vows, the ceremony was still only about 15 minutes. You’d be amazed how fast you get through the ceremony.
Wow, I’ve never heard any of those readings before! We are having 4 (!!!) readings and a Japanese sake ceremony, hopefully it’ll only run 30 minutes.
I borrowed some of Roy Crofts words in my vows ….we had a friend read Neruda, but the more popular Love Sonnet XVII. We also had a reading the went with the sand ceremony, but Mr. L took care of that so I am not exactly sure what all the words were.
We ended up using Gibran’s chapter on in “The Prophet” and the love passage from Corinthians 13.
We’re still undecided about whether or not to include readings… I love all your choices!
Ms. Sloth, Philadelphia Age and Occupation: 35, Account Manager and Fashion Blogger Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Design Admin Engagement Date: December 25, 2009 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Bartram's Garden About Me: I'm an internet junkie and music snob with a good eye for a bargain. I couldn't live without thrift store shopping, cheeseburgers, sushi, Coke Zero, websites devoted to silly photos of baby animals, Photoshop, and Mr. Sloth. Speaking of which, he and I are a pair of goofball homebody nerds who love our beagle (the most ridiculously adorable dog EVER) to an embarrassing degree. We're planning a low-key and intimate yet festive and quirky outdoor wedding with DIY details and deeply personal touches, and it's all taking place in the city where we fell in love and call home: Philadelphia.
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