Weddingbee Blog

Me too

Last night I had my most recent wedding dream. I’m reluctant to call it a nightmare because it’s fuzzy and I think everything turned out in the end. The ironic part of this happening however is the fact that I’ve been mulling over a post about not being able to sleep causing an absence of wedding dreams. Indeed, I have come down with a case of insomnia. I have to admit, I’ve been a major grouch recently.

My last fit of insomnia produced this gem which I’m going to post in its entirety.

Now, as I’m thinking rationally, I can laugh. However, I know we all go off the deep end sometimes and I’m hoping to reach out to any of you on the edge in an attempt to coax you off of it. As a warning, this isn’t a shining moment in my wedding planning but it is my truth.

It’s 1 AM and I am wide awake.

Unfortunately, this has been a growing trend as of late. Why am I allowing myself to lose sleep? I then become stressed about losing sleep, compounding my inability to get to bed. I think it may be because as the wedding approaches with rapid rigor, I am reminded that it will pass just as quickly as it came. I know I will be unable to accomplish most of the tasks that are still on my to-do list. As much as I hate to say it, I can’t do it all. I find the major issue, for me, is my inability to say no. For instance, recently I took on a fundraising project. I was to raise $2000 in a month. A month?! When I was unable to meet the goal (because I didn’t have time to focus on raising the money) I felt selfish and guilty. Fundraising has that inherent, you’re a failure if you don’t do this either way, glow. I let a wedding get in the way of helping out someone in need. [Zebra's Note: This is where you really can tell how crazy lack of sleep makes me} I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable [You are.], and what I am about to say may not go over well, but - can I just get cut some slack here? Furthermore, IS it unreasonable to think that others in my life should maybe ask less of me because I am trying to plan? [Yes] Is wedding planning equivalent to having a baby or taking a major test? [Absolutely Not.] I want your honest opinions. I’m soul searching here, hive.

My main issue is the balance between real life and wedding projects. While I am enjoying the crafting and scheduling, I am not enjoying fitting that in to fundraising and errands. That’s right, I am enjoying the wedding projects… it’s the other stuff, the stuff that’s going to keep me busy after the wedding that I want to go away temporarily. Go away, stuff! Come back in 6 months.

My mother will tell you that I am burning the candle at both ends, something I’ve been famous for since high school. I want to lick leaches every time she says it too because she’s always right but how am I to get out of my commitments now, when I’m in the middle of them? Usually I just get sick and keep on truckin’ through. Time management is clearly not one of my strong points. How do you all balance life and wedding? Do you create a schedule? Or do you fly by the seat of you pants, like me, and hope for the best? [I’m still interested in how you manage your time.]

Then there are the events and moments that I am unwilling to sacrifice in the name of the wedding. Saturday, for instance, was wide open. Zeb and I had a wonderful day of catching up and general not-doing-anything-in-particular. We barely talked about the big day. I loved every minute of it, and for the record had no problem sleeping that night. Now I look back and think about everything I could have accomplished but when it comes right down to it, I would have chosen the day I had a million times over.

And no, gracious friends and family, whom I am eternally grateful for—I am not writing this in hopes that you ask to help. I know you’re there, ready and willing. The problem is, having you help means creating a game plan for you and that’s another to-do that I wish not to have on the list. The wedding I can handle, so far, because that’s fun—that’s my escape. What you can do is stop analyzing my to-do list. In fact, I’m going to stop calling it my to-do list, it’s my escape list. When I don’t feel like doing something, I inevitably take out my calligraphy crap and start practicing. It’s slowly starting to look less and less like squished ants. I just hope my escape list coincides with the timeline. Surely I will have to begin cutting and editing what is important on the escape list soon, but for now its that other list that needs dwindling.

So there you have it. Sleepless nights make me a bat-shit crazy Zebra. If you are on the edge, please come down and join me for some decaffeinated tea. Speaking of tea, I’m trying to take measures in order to prevent sleepless nights because I can’t go on worrying about things I am unable to change.

• No drinking during the week
• Put my heating pad on my back when trying to fall asleep (Always helps me sleep, sometimes compounds my worries because I’m nervous the cord will wrap around my neck.)
• Only allow myself one cup of tea during the day (I average about 5-6 a day)
• Don’t fight insomnia
• Manage my time better
• Start saying no to things I can’t commit fully to
• Play Dispatch (This always worked in college when I had mice and was too nervous to fall asleep for fear that I would wake up with one in my hair.)

I think my small changes will have positive effects in other areas of my life as well. What do you all do to coax yourself into sleeping? In the end, I just need to manage myself better. The wedding will be here and gone before I know it but the sleeping pattern could continue on after. I’m not comfortable with Mr & Mrs. Insomnia leaving me that particular gift.

The dream, you ask? Well, I forgot it was my wedding day and we didn’t start my hair until super late. I was running around trying to get everything done and feeling a bit like Superwoman because although I was running around like a banshee (As a side note: Does anyone like the adrenaline produced from running around stressed? I love it), I was accomplishing everything. Then, 15 minutes before I was scheduled to leave, I finished everything up but as the soothing feeling of everything falling into place came over me, I realized I forgot my sign off post. I love sign off posts, they may even be higher on my list than the recaps. It’s something about the imminent excitement of the blogger that gets me every time (Turtle and Seashell, I FELT you in your sign offs) and needless to say forgetting mine is unacceptable. I was able to bang out the post and all was well—until the alarm rang.

The next night I had a dream that Zeb secretly canceled the DJ and hired a soft rock acoustic band (think small bar room on Thursday nights) to play during the reception which apparently was now on a school bus. I ran around feel helpless and screaming at Zeb. How could I marry someone who would do such a thing, helpless. All of our guests were bored because they couldn’t dance to the music the band knew. Nor would they have had any room to dance on a bus. Why, oh why, am I thinking about school buses? (I’m sure it has nothing whatsoever to do with my everyday epic battle with the school bus since summer ended. Nothing to do with that at all. I hate you school bus.)

In conclusion, I welcome you, wedding dreams/nightmares. The fact that I’m sleeping at all—and as a pleasant chain reaction, thinking rationally—is a major comfort.

Have the wedding dreams/nightmares started for you? What has been your weirdest one?