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During Planapalooza 2010, King Hippo and I met with our officiant to discuss the ceremony details. It was a great meeting, and we were able to solidify the order of things and talk about our readings and our vows. (More on that to come.) But much to my surprise, the meeting with our officiant helped us to make a decision about our first look.
If you remember from this post, King Hippo and I were on opposite sides of the first look debate. I wanted time to take pictures of us all fresh faced and tear free; King Hippo wanted the surprise of seeing me for the first time as I walked down the aisle. It was an ongoing discussion with no end in sight. Several times King Hippo said it would be OK to do the first look since I clearly was worried about the logistics, but I knew he really preferred to keep the first look a surprise.
Near the end of our meeting with our officiant, Mr. K, I casually asked him his thoughts about the first look. I don’t know why I asked. I mean, it really had nothing to do with the ceremony. But I’m glad I did… I think.
No, I am. Our officiant said he didn’t really have an opinion either way, but then he began to tell us the story of a wedding he had officiated just a few weeks earlier where the couple didn’t do a first look. Mr. K said that as he was standing at the front of the church with the groom, the groom said, “Wow!” to himself when he first saw his bride. Mr. K turned to the groom and said, “Remember that moment. Hang on to it.” Then he said to King Hippo and me, “At some point, it won’t be a ’wow’.” It made us laugh a little, but it’s so true. Mr. K continued to explain that there are so few “wow” moments, and that the memory of seeing your bride for the first time as she’s walking towards you to be your wife is one of those “wow” moments. Of course King Hippo was so excited that Mr. K was able to put in words what he had been feeling all this time, and I quickly became a no first look follower myself.
So, yes, there will definitely be some logistical challenges that I have to think through and we most likely won’t have as many posed wedding pictures of just us or of us and our entire wedding party, but I think I’m OK with that. Our officiant helped me get past the hump of just worrying about the pictures. The memory of the event is just as (if not more) important than the pictures. Really. The wedding is not about the pictures, and I think it’s so easy to get hung up on that, for me at least.
And so it is decided. The Hippos won’t see each other in full wedding garb until I’m walking down the aisle toward King Hippo to become his wife. And it’s going to be amazing. It actually makes me a little teary eyed to think about it, and I’m not really a crier.
Was there one moment that changed your mind completely about the first look?
Ah! I am SO glad you posted this! I could’ve written your post. I wanted a first look, FI did not. He said he was okay with it but I knew he wasn’t. There are so few things he REALLY cares about in regards to the details of our wedding… I decided to give this one to him. I am nervous about logistics but so happy about our decision!
I totally hear you, but I have to say - we had two hours of private “wow” time together on our wedding day doing pictures, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. To have that time, before our ceremony, just to be with each other, and talk/kiss/hug/be in one of my favorite places taking pictures was so incredibly special. If you make the time for your first look about something other than a logistics solver, it can be incredibly special. We took pictures in a state park that has a bench dedicated to my great grandparents, a place that inspired me to study marine biology, and that to this day inspires me to be a better person. We never could have done that if we had waited to see one another.
I am so glad we didn’t do a first look. One of my favorite photos from the day is when Mr. H first sees me walking down the aisle. I honestly cannot describe to you how amazing that single moment was, and it’s one that I think will live the longest within my memory.
Thank you! I needed that to reaffirm I truly want it to be a surprise until I head down that aisle.
Plus it really is my favorite part (like in 27 dresses) watching the groom’s face as the bride walks down.
Hippo looking forward to hearing how you work out the logistics! My Mr. feels the same way and I don’t want to do a first look to make him happy, but I really don’t want to leave the guests for a long time or miss the party!
Oh boy, I thought I had resigned myself to having a first look and now your post is making me rethink that. Thank you…I think!
As a bride who did do a first look, I have to throw my hat in there and say it was amazing. When he turned around there were tears in his eyes (and he is no crier). We just stared at eachother and it was like we were really seeing eachother for the first time. No one was around (besides our photog, with a long lens). We had a glass of wine, got out some nerves, and hugged for a long time. Did photos…blah blah blah.
When the time came for me to walk down the aisle, there was still that rush upon seeing him standing there with our pastor and his groomsman. We shared a cute smile and wink 
There is no way that anything will be ‘ruined’. You will be so happy and beautiful on your wedding day that seeing your parter, at any time, will be special.
And one more thing—- not having to do photos after the ceremony ROCKED. =)
That’s a great story! My husband and I never even considered a First Look. I’d never imagined anything other than him seeing me for the first time while coming down the aisle since I was a little girl. That moment (among MANY others, of course) was what wedding days were about, to us.
Of course, we DO appreciate those that have the first moment ALONE without everyone watching him see her for the first time, but why not share that beautiful moment with everyone that means a lot to you, too?
For us, it was bigger than a photo of him just seeing me in my dress. Or me looking like as perfect as a porcelain doll with no drop of mascara running. It was bigger than us rushing to get to the party and the drinks afterwards. We felt that making those things the priority were making the party bigger than the marriage. And we didn’t want to miss that moment for the world.
That said, I’ve seen some AMAZING first looks!!! Many on this here blog!!! But I think you’ll love your decision and cherish it forever…<3 Best wishes.
@crayfish: I’m with you, lady! We’re pretty certain we want to do a first look. However, I really believe any choice you make about your wedding will make it special to you and your hubs; first look or not, that moment when he lays eyes on you will be amazing.
We’re not doing a first look either because of that exact reason. I can’t wait for that first eye contact butterfly stomach moment. If I get less pictures in the end, eh, oh well- less to sift through later.
We did not have a first look and I would not change it for the world. But I too worried about logistics, so here’s what we did. Every picture that could be taken beforehand, was. Me by myself, me with the girls, me with the guys, my side of the family, etc. Then I disappeared back to the bridal suite and my husband came out and did the same thing. The only pictures we had to do after the ceremony were the ones that required both of us. We were able to join the reception about half an hour later, where our caterer already had a plate of (still warm) appetizers waiting for us. It was almost like we didn’t miss anything at all because really, that “lost” time was spent on guests finding seats, waiting for appetizers to be passed, standing in line at the bar, etc.
totally made me teary eyed too. We aren’t doing a first look either, so it’s nice to have someone on my team
YAY! Mr. G totally didn’t want a first look even though I did, I agreed not to have one - but this has me convinced! No first look for us too!
It’s great that you guys are on the same page with this issue now! I think that’s the most important thing, that the couple is in agreement with what to do and is happy about their choice. It will be a beautiful moment for you!
With that being said, my love and I are doing a first look, but not for logistical reasons! First of all, I’m a shy person and I don’t like the thought of having everyone’s eyes on me during that intimate moment when he first sees me. Secondly, we both are very VERY cuddly pda people (not gross pda, but hug all the time, arms always around each other, little kisses pda). We couldn’t do all of this (which is what we would want to do when we see each other for the first time) in front of tons of people at the altar! And so, we are doing a first look. And I am very much looking forward to my “wow” moment :).
YAAAAAAY TEAM SAVEITFORTHECEREMONY!!
lol i too have gotten caught up in the “first look” trend, but after hearing the fiance object to it, giving his reasons and feelings towards it(similar to mr hippo), i had to let him have his way. sometimes we just have to step back and remind ourselves that’s it’s just as much for THEM, as it is for us. happy to honor it
i think you made a great choice
Very sweet. We did a first look, and I’m happy we did. It totally helped ease all my stress that had built up throughout the day, and let me relax enough to enjoy the ceremony. And we got some supercute pictures out of it! I think you can still get that special look at the altar, as well as get those close-up sweet moments in photos after the ceremony.
I was convinced to do a first look, reading this brought tears to my eyes and NOW im not sure. 
thanks for sharing.
Personally, I don’t see a difference of him seeing you for the first time before the ceremony or walking down the aisle. That’s just me ! We aren’t traditional at all so the first look is going to work for us. I don’t think it takes away from the ceremony moment.
I know I’d rather have that private moment to react than infront of everyone and try to keep it together.
We are not doing a first look. Neither one of us ever really questioned that. My only concern is crying. I know I will cry at some point, but I don’t want him to remember me squalling up the aisle. Hopefully I’ll be okay and I will definitely wear waterproof mascara. I’ll also have my grandmother’s handkerchief with me. I’m glad your officiant could help you and your mister come to an agreement. They’re good like that 
@MochaRose: I’m definitely with you on this one. I thought about a First Look briefly…and then I realized that I was scheduling my WEDDING DAY around PHOTOGRAPHS. It was really humbling to realize how far off my priorities had gotten.
Photogs have been capturing weddings for decades without the first look. Most guests expect a bit of a gap, and we are hiring some entertainment to make sure that they don’t get antsy.
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Mrs. Hippo, New York City/Dallas, TX Age and Occupation: 34, Event Planner for a Non-Profit Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, Finance IT Engagement Date: August 8, 2009 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: Samuel Lynne Galleries and Marc Events About Me: I’m a thirty-something bride living in New York City and planning a modern-ish wedding in Dallas, Texas. I love trashy reality television (Jersey Shore, anyone?), online shopping, Sunday brunch, Central Park, and random celebrity spottings on the streets of Manhattan. While I love NYC, I miss good Tex-Mex, my college friends, central A/C, and being in close proximity to a Target. I’m thrilled to finally be planning an event that’s not work-related and to be marrying my best friend in what I hope will be a unique and personal ceremony followed by a reception with plenty of good food, good drinks, and dancing (regardless if it’s good or not).
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