Shiny Gold Dollars

Shiny Gold Dollars

October 25th, 2010 @ 2:07 pm by Mrs. Jaguar
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I always assumed that Mr. Jaguar and I would foot the bill for our wedding. I wasn’t too worried about this because we knew we’d be having a long engagement and could spend that time preparing and budgeting and keeping our finances on track. Plus, we’re good savers who are generally pretty thrifty by nature, so I knew we’d be able to pull off a wedding that was small, simple, and still beautiful without going into crazy amounts of debt.

Shiny Gold Dollars : wedding budget sydney Jaguar jaguar

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So when Momma and Papa Jaguar sat me down and told me that they were going to generously chip in for some of our wedding costs, we were surprised, thrilled, and guilty, all in the same breath. It’s something else to have your parents offer you such a big gift, it really is, and of course we accepted—it has already made such a big difference to our wedding day, and I hope that they will be happy with how it all turns out.

Lately, the Jaguar-in-laws have been hinting that they’d like to help out in some way for the wedding as well. They know that my parents are helping out and that we’re working out the rest, but they don’t know the specific details. I’m certainly not going to force the subject, and we wouldn’t expect them to feel the need to give us money toward the wedding, but it will be interesting to see how they broach the subject with us when it comes to crunch time with our budget.

Figuring out how to pay for all things wedding is probably my least favourite part of planning so far. I have to say, I hate that adding the word “bridal” or “wedding” in front of anything (cake, shoes, makeup, hair) adds an extra few $$ to the price. And I also don’t like the awkwardness that comes with money. I’m thrilled to have the help financially, as is Mr. Jaguar, but talking about money with so many different people is just not something I am used to doing. I hope it gets easier as the planning progresses.

How did you talk money when it came to your wedding? Was it awkward for you, too, or am I just being a tiny bit crazy here?

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13 Responses to “Shiny Gold Dollars”

Member

MsBunting (message) 229 posts, Helper bee

I’m lucky enough to have my parents pay for the bulk of the wedding. They told me the amount they could provide, which is of course much appreciated. However, as other “hidden” expenses have popped up, I’ve been uncomfortable asking my parents for *more* money so I have footed the bill myself, which is fine. It is hard to accept a monetary gift even when its your parents! Good luck!

10/25/10 @ 2:16 pm (reply)

Member

feministbride (message) 283 posts, Helper bee

It’s so difficult… We’ve been planning on a long engagement for a number of reasons but in particular because we intend to cover the bill ourselves as well. I know our parents all intend to help but the economy hasn’t always been so kind to us lately, so we’ll see how it ends up shaking out. Good thing we’ve got plenty of time to save up.

10/25/10 @ 2:22 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

We were so blessed to have both sets of parents contribute an incredibly generous amount but like MsBunting, when there were extra, un-forseen costs, I footed the bill for those…In the end the breakdown for contributions towards the actual wedding (not rehearsal dinner or farewell brunch, both hosted by my IL’s) was 50% my parents, 25% Mr TM’s parents and 25% came from me…Thank goodness I don’t have spend anymore money on the wedding now, that’s one good thing about it being over!

10/25/10 @ 2:30 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

10/25/10 @ 2:30 pm (reply)

Member

shaydenise (message) 1,151 posts, Bumble bee

We never had the money talk. My parents are paying for the wedding (minus little things I pick up here and there). The reason being that they have always instilled in me that they would be ones paying - that’s just the culture here. FI and I are so thankful because our wedding definitely wouldn’t be what it’s going to be without their help.

10/25/10 @ 2:38 pm (reply)

Guest

Sarah

We knew my dad didn’t have cash to spare at all, so we never mentioned it, and the groom’s parents were very hands-off of the wedding day, but they were very clear about wanting to host events the day before and the day after. In return, we were very hands-off in regard to those events.

It made the semi-destination-ness of the wedding a little moreso in that there were now three days of stuff (my friends started calling it a Wedstravaganza), but for the folks traveling from other time zones, that wasn’t unreasonable. More importantly, the parents got to do things that were their style, while the wedding and reception were more our style.

That being said, the invitations began “together with their parents…”

10/25/10 @ 3:01 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Panther (message) 1,046 posts, Bumble bee

It is SO tricky and awkward! Having the money talks with my future in-laws has really made for some uncomfortable situations. Sounds like you guys are off to a good start, though.

10/25/10 @ 3:04 pm (reply)

Member

smyley (message) 4,275 posts, Honey bee

I find it interesting that most parents aren’t the first ones to bring up the money issues, once an engagement has been announced and plans are being made. We’re very open and honest with our daughters, so they never had to ask…we offered what we did to help and anything above that was on them. Worked out beautifully!

10/25/10 @ 3:12 pm (reply)

Guest

Nic

We are very lucky - my parents and FI’s parents both gave us an amount that they could contribute - although there was definitely some stress and awkwardness leading up to the final commitment from FI’s parents. He is an only child, and so it was assumed (and they made comments to the effect) that they would contribute a little more than the “traditional” groom’s parents who may only do rehearsal dinner, but it took a lot to get them to really hammer down an actual amount and what they wanted to contribute to. Luckily, we finally got through all that and our final break down is probably going to be somewhere around 50% my parents, 30% his parents, and 20% us. But I totally get the awkwardness you are talking about - we handled our own parents for these convos, as I was REALLY not comfortable talking to FI’s parents about money!

10/25/10 @ 3:35 pm (reply)

10.

Member

Knubbsy-Wubbsy (message) 2,395 posts, Buzzing bee

When FH and I were keeping our plans secret from my parents we had intended on paying for it ourselves. A month before he proposed my mom (having been clued in by this point) said she wanted Dad and her to pay for it. I found out later what this meant. Mom- clear budget (yay!) Dad- What ever makes me (boo!)
It’s been a headache so FH and I set a budget closer to mom’s then dad’s and haven’t moved from it. Made some things difficult as my Dad refuses to let anyone else help pay (even though FH’s would love to and can afford to)

10/25/10 @ 4:10 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

Brandy

I don’t agree with the sentiment that adding the word “bridal” or “wedding” in front of anything increases the cost. If the vendors you are working with are true professionals, that would have zero bearing on the price. Catering for 200 is still catering for 200. Renting a space is still renting a space. It is the extras that people want for their special day that drive the price up, not the word wedding or bridal.

10/25/10 @ 4:41 pm (reply)

12.

Member

ejs1228 (message) 128 posts, Blushing bee

I am the youngest out of 4 girls and my mom has always been fair so I got as much as they got. My Dad won’t give me a dollar amount that he’s willing to help so he’s offered to pay for certain items (photographer, DJ, etc). I think if your FIL are interested in helping you can give them specific items. “Would you be willing to pay $xx for the DJ?”. This works for my dad because he wants to know where his money is going. Unlike my mom, who is willing to give me discretion on where the money is spent. I do fundraising for a living, so asking for money isn’t all that difficult for me but I can understand how it can be hard for others. Good luck!

10/25/10 @ 5:38 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

Ms. Katz

1. The way to avoid “bridal” adding $$ is to not worry about whether things say bridal. It’s fun, gets you more creative results and saves those $$.

2. I would maybe ask the future in-laws about the rehearsal dinner? It’s something they’d usually expect to pay for, and doesn’t give them control over the wedding itself to abuse, intentionally or not. Much as rehearsal dinners are cheaper than weddings, budgeting for them quickly makes them seem more expensive. Plus it’s WAY easier to ask something to get you something specific than to ask about money directly.

11/11/10 @ 2:27 am (reply)