Weddingbee Blog

It’s finally time to go through the actual ceremony portion of the Tea Ceremony. As you read this post, remember that the tea ceremony is not a religious ceremony; it is a cultural ceremony. The rituals are meant to bring good luck and to unite the families.

First, the family candles needed to be lit. Papa Hot Wings invited Papa-in-Law to light the dragon candle to represent the groom’s family. Papa Hot Wings lit the bride’s phoenix candle.

By lighting the candles at our memorial table, the dads called upon their respective family ancestors to come back to be with the family. Ancestors are asked to unite the families and bless the new marriage. Then, Mr Hot Wings and I bowed 3 times to our passed love ones and our ancestors to show our respect.

Then comes the dressing of the bride…with jewels! Mama Hot Wings brought out the boxes. I received 3 gifts of jewels. Earrings from my in laws, my mom’s bracelet, which doubled as my “something old” for my civil ceremony, and a new necklace which also later doubled as my “something new.”

The earrings are typically gifted to the bride from her new in laws. They are placed in the bride’s ears by each mom. Mama Hot Wings placed the earring in my ear to symbolize telling me to remember her and to continue to hear her voice and lessons. Mama-in-Law Hot Wings placed the earring in my ear to symbolize her telling me that she is now my 2nd mom, and I am to listen to her as well. *P.S. - this next photo is one of wedding faves!*

My mom gifted me with a new necklace so that I would always remember her love and carry it close to my heart. This next series of photos is hilarious because my mom missed the clasp and the necklace charm dropped. No worries, as Papa Hot Wings was there to catch it.

My mom’s passed-down bracelet was the last piece. She passed it to Mama-in-Law and asked her to place it on me. There is no tradition here, but I secretly believe that this was the moment that my mom decided would represent her acceptance of sharing the Mama role with Mama-in-Law.

After adorning the bride with jewels, Mr Hot Wings’ family revealed their gifts to our family. You can read about our modernized tea ceremony gifts in one of my previous post.

Finally, the tea. Picking people to pour your tea is supposed to be a big deal. Being chosen to pour tea for others means that they believe your marriage to be a good model for their own. Typically, those pouring are happily married with children. We picked two of Mr Hot Wings’ cousins to pour tea for us. They are in the first picture of this post.

For the tea, start with the person of highest respect and work your way down the chain: grandparents to parents to aunts/uncles to siblings. In each category we started with the bride’s side first so Mr Hot Wings’ family could see how it was done. Then within each family, paternal (dad’s) side goes first. Then within that, you go by birth order. Confusing, I know. Here’s a sample of order, for those taking notes.

• Grandma
• Bride’s Parents
• Grooms’s Parents

• Bride’s 2nd Paternal Aunt (my dad’s 2nd sister)
• Bride’s 4th Paternal Aunt & Uncle (my dad’s 4th brother & sister in law)
• Bride’s 9th Maternal Aunt (my mom’s 9th sister)

• Groom’s 4th Paternal Aunt (My HW dad’s 4th sister)
• Groom’s 5th Paternal Aunt (Mr HW dad’s 5th sister)
• Groom’s 2nd Maternal Aunt & Uncle (Mr HW mom’s 2nd brother & sister in law)

• Bride’s brothers
• Groom’s brother and sister

We actually only served tea to grandma and our parents. Everyone else got a moment with us to give us a gift, their blessings, and marriage advice. These next moments are some of my favorite moments from our wedding day. They were also some of the most emotional. I blame it all on Mr Hot Wings. He went first with thanking his grandma, and he just fell apart. That just set off a string of crying and tears.

Emotional ceremony, huh? Despite the really rough rehearsal we had for the tea ceremony, I believe it was truly a success. It was everything and more. It was one of the best elements of our wedding day. Growing up, I always hated the tea ceremony because it always appeared so unorganized and as if people were just going through the motions. I changed it up to make sense for us. It was worth it. I will always treasure being able to tell my parents thank you for risking their lives to come to the U.S. as refugees escaping communist Vietnam so that I could have a chance at life. It meant the world for me to be able to do that in a way that made sense to them.

*All photos by the ever fab Hanssie Trainor unless noted otherwise.*

Do you need to catch up with the hotness?

• Spilling the Beans on Our Recaps
• With this Wing: Let the Recaps Begin
• With this Wing: Welcome to Our Wedding Weekend
• With this Wing: Let’s Practice
• With this Wing: Street Taco Rehearsal Dinner Details
• With this Wing: Wedding Eve
• With this Wing: Make Me a Hottie (Women getting ready)
• With this Wing: The Wingmen Clean Up Well (Groomsmen get ready)
• With this Wing: Tea Ceremony Prep
• With this Wing: Tea Ceremony Details
• With this Wing: Tea Ceremony Processional Gifts
• With this Wing: Tea Ceremony Processional