Weddingbee Blog

My childhood BFF Nellie (my MOH) is good in every way that I’m not.

She got engaged in June of 2008 and planned a 300+ person, formal wedding for December 2008, clocking in at just under six months of planning. She made smart decisions quickly, drawing clear lines for vendors with budgets and expectations. In that same span of time, she became a teacher and bought a house with her soon-to-be husband. On her wedding day, she was totally calm and gracious. She did her own makeup, executed a skilled first dance with her husband without any practice, and had all of her thank you notes out less than a month into being married. Oh, and somewhere in between writing thank you notes that first month, they adopted a puppy and a kitten from a local shelter. These days, she’s marathon training and redoing her kitchen.

In other words: she is Superwoman, whereas I am mere mortal.

When she got engaged, she called me at one in the morning from the beach, and I was so happy that I cried. But as her newly named maid of honor…I had no idea what I was doing. I had graduated college less than a month before, and she was the first of my group of friends to get married. Needless to say, I put in a lot of Google searches about what the technical responsibilities were. I fumbled my way through it, and I hope I was OK at it. Here’s what I learned:

1. If you’re not sure what the bride expects…just ask her! In my case, she’s my best friend…we talk about things that are totally not OK to talk about in polite company. Why would I not just ask her?

2. When she tells you what she expects…listen! Nell really, seriously, wanted a simple girl’s-night-out dinner in place of a bachelorette party. So that’s what we did, and it was great.

3. Be prepared to dole out tough love with other bridesmaids. Even the sweetest friends will sometimes complain or stress the bride out without meaning to. (I’m sure I did, too.) Be polite, but pull rank if you have to. On her wedding day, the bride has no problems. You, as MOH, have problems. Intercept as many as you can.

4. The toast writing/giving was hard, even for those of us who don’t generally find writing difficult. It was daunting to sum up how much I love her and her fiance in a few minutes. I suggest writing it well before and practicing it in front of a few people. I was so nervous—that it wouldn’t be funny, that it would be too sappy and I’d cry—that I could barely eat the awesome dinner. I was shaking as I spoke, but nobody booed me.

5. Most importantly, cherish the little moments that make us all love weddings so much. How I ugly-cried when she came down the aisle. (I totally blame Wagner—”Elsa’s Procession to the Cathedral.” Sweeping and dramatic and classic, like the bride.) How I watched the minister slip her a hankie as she quietly cried during the prayer. How the parking attendant at the hair salon mistook us for sisters. How we did not correct her.

A few days after our engagement, she handed me a gift bag full of everything I would need, organizationally, to get through wedding planning—right down to ring-cleaning solution. (That is exactly the kind of crap I would NEVER think of, and she knows it.) She selected this arsenal based on her own days in the trenches, and I’m lucky to piggyback off of her knowledge.

Then she told me this: “When it stops being fun, step away.”

And despite the amazing array of supplies she gave me, I think the advice has been the most useful of all.

So tell me: have you been an honor attendant? What did you learn from the experience? Do you have any married friends you admire as much as I do my MOH?