Weddingbee Blog

After pinpointing what type of style we wanted for our wedding invitations, we needed to think about what the invitations would actually say. I knew this might be a big deal from the very, very beginning. Frankly, the issue was how we’d incorporate both American and Filipino traditions into an invitation that is “us.”

Filipino Wedding Invitation with Entourage Listed, image from Weddingbee

Since the beginning of our engagement, Mr. Pashmina’s mom has had one main question: Who would be our sponsors? Sponsors are individuals involved in your lives that will stand up and attest that you two should get married, meaning that you have the support of your friends, family, and the community—basically saying, as elders, “we support this union.” Typically for a Filipino wedding, this information goes on the wedding invitation, in the program, and is incorporated into the ceremony by the sponsor’s participation in the wedding. The list of sponsors can be pretty long. From what I understand, there are typically at least two Principle Sponsors and three Secondary Sponsors.

Mr. Pashmina’s mom was primarily concerned with the sponsors, but really, the entire entourage is listed on the invitation. I think she was so interested in the sponsors because it is such an elevated position, and it could be pretty much anyone—friends or family. I loved the idea taht we’d be acknowledging an entire community of people that support and will participate in the ceremony in such a public way. What a cool thing that can bind people together!

Roughly, this is how honored people get listed on a Filipino invitation:

Wedding Entourage

Principal Sponsors

‘to stand as principal witnesses to our exchange of vows’

_____&______

‘to assist us in out needs’

Best Men ___

Maid of Honor ____

Groomsmen ____

(and the rest of wedding party)

(on the next page)

Secondary Sponsors

‘to light the way’ (will help with candle in ceremony)

____&_____

‘to clothe us as one’ (will help with veil in ceremony)

_____&_____

‘to bind us together’ (will help with cord in ceremony)

____&_____

Memory Sponsors

____

(deceased loved ones or those who cannot attend)

But from the get-go I was hesitant about going with a Filipino wedding invitation because it was so long, and I didn’t think my family would understand who sponsors were unless I explained. But I felt very, very guilty about not being excited about incorporating this tradition into our wedding. How fun would it be for  people to open the invitation and see their names there in print. Who doesn’t like that? And I could easily explain all the sponsors to my family and friends. Maybe not to everyone, but they would still get the gist of it.

But really, to put it more honestly, both Mr. Pashmina and I really like the modern, non-religious, American wedding invitation wording. This was our main constraint, and what we felt was holding our hands back.

These are our favorite wedding invitation phrases:

========

“Mr. & Mrs. X

and

Mr. & Mrs. Z

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their children”

========

“With joyous hearts we request

the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of

X

and

Z”

========

“The X Family

and

The Z Family

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their children”

========

“The X Family & Z Family

joyfully invite you to the marriage of”

“Together with their families

X

and

Z

request the pleasure of your company

at their marriage”

========

We both like how short and simple these were. We could then list the time, date, and location and leave it at that. We also like how it incorporated joy, excitement and warmth in the call for marriage, something that we felt sometimes lacked in more formal, traditional invitations.

But is it too nuclear/American just to mention his family/my family on the invite? This is what we grappled with. Should we have one of these American phrases as the first page of the wedding invitation and then have the second page with the wedding entourage on it? Or could this info go onto the wedding program where I could explain the candle, veil, and cord customs; the tradition of sponsors in Filipino weddings; etc. We thought that it might be really nice there.

So that is what we decided.

We were going to have a modern, American wedding invitation because it felt right for us. It was going to be a deviation from Mr. P’s parents’ tradition. We crossed our fingers and hoped that we wouldn’t be insulting anyone. I explained to Mr. Pashmina’s parents that we still were going to have sponsors and they would be listed in the wedding program along with the other people in the bridal entourage.

In the end this is how our cultural balance ended up. We could have done a dual wedding invitation with one side in Tagalog with traditional elements and the other side of the invite in English in the modern, American style. Or, have the first part announcing the marriage in the American style and the second page with the entourage in this Filipino style. We went with what we felt was “us.”

How did you navigate cultural traditions in your wedding? Did you opt for American tradition over your parents’ cultural tradition? Did you have culture-neglect guilt?