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Mrs. Knitting, Toronto Age and Occupation: 24, Student Recruitment Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Neuroscience PhD Candidate Engagement Date: October 2009 Wedding Date: December 2010 Venue: University of Toronto Faculty Club About Me: I'm a pearl wearing, etiquette book reading Toronto girl who loves cooking and baking, museums, charm bracelets, and collecting books on Jackie Kennedy (a lot). I've been known to spend Sunday mornings at the antique market, Wednesday evenings at sister sushi dinners, and any bit of spare time reading. After six and a half years of many late night walks, watching DVDs together in bed, travelling to places like New York, and Tobermory, doing Sudokus together on the couch, lots of Indian food, the occasional yoga class, moving in together and so much more, Mr. Knitting and I are planning a cozy Christmasy (it's a word!), vintage wedding in Toronto complete with many DIY projects (eek!) and lots of help from our amazing group of family and friends.
About Mrs. Knitting

Our Approach to Gifts

November 9th, 2010 @ 1:56 pm by Mrs. Knitting

This was something we struggled with a lot and have only recently figured out something we’re okay with. Before getting into details I want to make it clear up front that Mr. Knitting and I are ridiculously grateful for any wedding presents we might receive. I do want to talk about our somewhat complicated approach to wedding gifts, but I don’t want that basic sentiment to get lost.

That being said, we knew since we got engaged that our ideal wedding gift is a financial contribution to our down payment fund (i.e. money). GASP! How rude of us. The back story is that no one in either of our (extended) families has ever registered for wedding gifts since the Polish and Ukrainian tradition is to give money. In addition, both my cousin and sister (the only two family members of our generation to get married) did not register and no one seemed offended or stumped for gift ideas.

Our big issue with registering is that we don’t really want stuff.

We, like many couples, have lived together for a long time and have almost all the kitchen and home items we need for now. Neither of us come from a family with fine china or silverware, so the idea of registering for 12 place settings is pretty foreign to us. It’s also not very practical as we’re probably going to have to move a lot for Mr. Knitting’s job, so if we did get any nice china it would probably sit in my parents’ basement for the next 10 years and by the time we’d look at it again, we’ll have completely different taste.

All that being said, we’ve been getting a lot of questions about gifts recently, and felt really awkward saying, “Cold hard cash, please.” Okay, we’d never say it like that, but still…

As a result we decided to come up with a bunch of options to give people if they ask. Be warned, these aren’t your grandmother’s options!

1) We put together a registry at Crate and Barrel. It has, um, 9 items. That’s right, 9. We could not bring ourselves to register for anything that we didn’t need. For example, while I would be thrilled to receive a gift of a cake stand, I don’t actually need one, so I couldn’t bring myself to put it on our registry. On the other hand, I’ve been dying for a new good quality food processor because I use our crappy one on a daily basis and am convinced every time I use it will be the last time, so that made it on. We realize that 9 items is ridiculously small and might go back to add a few more things, but really we’re not going to be able to get it past 15.

2) Gift cards to our yoga studio or Lululemon. It’s not a traditional wedding present, but yoga is something both Mr. Knitting and I love and is one of our favourite ways to spend time together, so this seemed fitting.

3) Vegan cookbooks. I love vegan cooking and baking, and Mr. Knitting loves eating the results so this seemed like a good idea. I also get all warm and fuzzy at the idea of me making meals for our future babies using our wedding present cookbooks.

Mmm carrot cake:

Our Approach to Gifts :  wedding registry toronto 001

4) A financial contribution to our down payment fund. Yes, this is money, but it’s money with a goal. I actually think of symbolism of our friends and family coming together to help us buy our first home is lovely.

So that’s what we’ve come up with. It’s a bit offbeat, but very reflective of us.

Did you have any challenges when it came to registering for gifts?

Tags: registry, toronto |
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14 Responses to “Our Approach to Gifts”

1.
Guest Icon
Guest
periwinkle

This is absolutely fine and should offend no one. However, if you’d be thrilled to receive a cake stand, why not put your favorite on the list?

 
2.
TheFutureMcBride
Member
TheFutureMcBride (message)  4,479 posts, Honey bee

Cake stands are needed when you make wondrous carrot cake. Duh! Add it!

 
3.
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Guest
Ms. Zen

http://www.travelersjoy.com

great website and highly recommended!

 
4.
pdescenza
Member
pdescenza (message)  63 posts, Worker bee

Loooooove Lululemon!

 
5.
mightywombat
Member
mightywombat (message)  3,311 posts, Sugar bee

Oh my yes. We’re not registering. At all. For anything. My FI feels strongly about this, and that he doesn’t want our wedding to be “transactional,” or about getting stuff from people. The point is to invite loved ones to witness one of the most meaningful conversations we’ll ever have, and then to celebrate our marriage with us - not about them feeling obligated to give us anything.

Predictably, everyone in the world is opposed to this view, and keeps telling us we’re “rude” for not registering. I point out that Miss Manners is on our side (really! She’s waging a lonely and futile campaign against registering), but they are unswayed.

I have come around to my FI’s point of view, although I don’t feel as strongly. People don’t have to give us anything, but if they want to, I want it to be something that they’ve picked out! That way I will always remember them when I look at/use it, which I would be unlikely to do with a washcloth from BB&B.

 
6.
Guest Icon
Guest
Elisa

We did the same thing! My husband and I had been living together for 4 years by the time we got married, so we had already accumulated a lot of the usual registry items. We also don’t have a lot of space (think small city apartment), so tangible items seemed a waste of space unless it was absolutely necessary. Also, it is customary to give cash gifts in Chinese culture to help the newlyweds build their future. However, I did create a registry with C&B and BB&B - both registries totalled to less than 20 items - so that option was available to guests who wished to give a gift.

I think with so many couples cohabitating before marriage, a traditional wedding registry is somewhat outdated.

 
7.
Guest Icon
Guest
Misslizzy

My friends registered for anything and everything under the sun… and then, once they received them, promptly returned them for cold hard cash, or a gift card. They didn’t NEED anything, and they were moving back in with her parents after the wedding. Not to mention she was quitting her job and going back to school. If you go down this route, pick a place thats good with returns and will give the cash… or pick a place that you can shop at for other things (like Macy’s) and use their gift cards for registry unfriendly items (like a sweater or shoes)

Good luck!

 
8.
KaitlinHudson
Member
KaitlinHudson (message)  1,131 posts, Bumble bee

This is funny. My wedding is also in December 2010 and we are also struggling with the same registry/gift issues.

 
9.
Guest Icon
Guest
Sarah D.

The point of a gift is that it’s something you wouldn’t normally buy for yourself, but you’ll love, so if you want a cake stand you should totally put it on the registry!

 
10.
Guest Icon
Guest
Suz

We’re also struggling with the registry idea. We don’t need more stuff, but we are not from cultures that give money at weddings, so that’s out of the question from an etiquette perspective. All I can think of is that we could use some new sheets and towels, and maybe a new coffee pot.

I had a friend who put board games on her registry, which I thought was genius! She also had a donation button, so those who wished to give money could give it to the charity she and her fiance held close to their hearts.

 
11.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Knitting (message)  1,072 posts, Bumble bee

@Elisa: Yeah, we’re also in a small city apartment. No room for extras!
@Suz: Board games are so fun!
@KaitlinHudson: It’s good to hear we’re not alone.

For those concerned with the cake stand: My point with that example is that if someone on their own thought of getting us a cake stand I would be thrilled to receive it. However, a cake stand is not something I want or need more than the other items on our list. It’s more the fact that someone would have spent time thinking about us and picking out something they thought we might like, that would make this imaginary cake stand so special. I hope that makes sense!

 
12.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Hippo (message)  1,008 posts, Bumble bee

Love Lululemon! I would love a gift certificate from there!

 
13.
Ms. Anemone
Member
Ms. Anemone (message)  624 posts, Busy bee

This sounds perfect for the two of you! And plenty of options for your guests.

 
14.
mrstobeeisme
Member
mrstobeeisme (message)  649 posts, Busy bee

We’re an encore couple, and although we don’t live together, we have a bigger dilemma, we have 2 houses worth of thngs! lol…so a registry is totally out of the question. I read a bride’s webpage where they were having people contribute to their honeymoon fnd. Ex- going on a cruise, the couple picks which excursions they’d like to go on, these can be purchased by a guest for them! I like the idea and would totally do it if I was invited to a wedding I’d do that.

 

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Mrs. Knitting
Mrs. Knitting

Mrs. Knitting, Toronto Age and Occupation: 24, Student Recruitment Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Neuroscience PhD Candidate Engagement Date: October 2009 Wedding Date: December 2010 Venue: University of Toronto Faculty Club About Me: I'm a pearl wearing, etiquette book reading Toronto girl who loves cooking and baking, museums, charm bracelets, and collecting books on Jackie Kennedy (a lot). I've been known to spend Sunday mornings at the antique market, Wednesday evenings at sister sushi dinners, and any bit of spare time reading. After six and a half years of many late night walks, watching DVDs together in bed, travelling to places like New York, and Tobermory, doing Sudokus together on the couch, lots of Indian food, the occasional yoga class, moving in together and so much more, Mr. Knitting and I are planning a cozy Christmasy (it's a word!), vintage wedding in Toronto complete with many DIY projects (eek!) and lots of help from our amazing group of family and friends.

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