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I told you pretty much everything about our save the dates, except one tiny, but very important detail: the guest list. First, let me start by explaining that I’m the type of bride that likes to think she’s organized, but is really all over the place.
I have a tendency to jump into projects and skip over the preparation and planning stages, and the save the dates were no exception. As a result, we faced a bit of stress about the guest list. I wish we would have had the list complete before starting the save the dates, but it didn’t go down like that. It was more like mid-way creating the save the dates, we’re evaluating our list…again. and again. and again. FAIL. I know.
At first it was just a collection of names. Oh, Mama Brooch has these guests and Papa Brooch has these. Mr. B wants so and so to be there, and then—holy crap—we’re about 40 people over our limit! Ahh!
This type of realization is never fun.
Yeah, erasing people wasn’t fun either.
It was really hard, too, because we had to keep asking ourselves who we really, really wanted to be there and that’s a tough question to answer. Because we want everyone there. I want my high school and college girlfriends there. I want our pre-marital counselors there. Our coworkers. The list goes on and on.
I really didn’t think it was going to be this hard and I hated the fact that we were so limited. Even 10 people over our limit could be a budget disaster, and the fact of the matter remained: we couldn’t afford to invite everyone.
Because I am so very incapable of making decisions, especially tough ones like who we should invite to our wedding, I recruited help….from Google.
I found a few sources with tips for determining the guest list here and here. And then found the wonderful diagram below. It really helped. Thank you, Brides magazine! It might look like a silly little game, but in all honesty, it helped us a great deal.
The part that made the biggest difference was the question: “Have you been in contact with them in the past year?” That was the question I kept coming back to. When we found ourselves answering no, we didn’t feel that guilty about erasing that guest.
It’s funny how we turn to diagrams and such to put the simplest information in perspective. You’d think I would have realized beforehand that if we hadn’t talked to someone in a year, they wouldn’t be on our list… But nope. Weddings never do make anyone think clearly though, do they?
Was figuring our your guest list difficult?
What helped you?
I’m still having trouble; so much so, that I’m avoiding the list. We all know that procrastination doesn’t help, but it’s what I’m doing. 
It was the single hardest part of wedding planning. We implemented a rule: no one who wasn’t close to either FI or me was invited. That meant cutting out all his aunts and uncles, because he simply is not close to them and sees them about once ever 4 years at a wedding. His parents took it quite graciously, all things considered.
We ended up making one single exception to the rule - one of my mother’s best friends who I’ve only met a few times. My mom is hosting the wedding at her house, and she said that if she didn’t invite this woman it would irreparably damage their friendship. So I caved. But every single other person on the list is someone that FI or I genuinely cares deeply about. I think that will make for a really happy wedding.
@mightywombat: I love your rule! That’s perfect. It’s something, in hindsight, I wish we woul have implemented - not because there are a bunch of people coming we don’t love, but it would have made for a lot shorter list 
You’re going to have a fabulous wedding cause you truly, deeply care for each guest. Love that!
@Miss Brooch:
Thank you so much! I still feel a little guilty about it, honestly, because our parents are paying for the wedding. But they have been truly gracious about it - it’s one example of parents NOT using the purse strings as puppet strings, so to speak.
And, if we’d had more guests, we would have needed a “real” venue, instead of just my mom’s house. That would add a huge amount to our costs, on top of increased catering costs.
I’ve never seen that chart, but it’s great!
One rule we implemented was that no one (with exception of some family members) was invited that both of us hadn’t met at least once. We’ve been together for three years, so our thinking was, if there’s someone that’s important to us, they would have met our significant other by now! Of course there were a few exceptions to the rule, but in general it helped us narrow it down to our nearest and dearest.
Oh we’re having the same issues right now as well! Thanks for sharing that diagram!
i love this chart, I am currently avoiding the guest list because I get sweaty palms every time i look at it. . . we have to finalize it soon, but wow is that going to be the hardest thing ever!
When it comes to family, our rule is “Grandparents and Younger.” The only problem with that rule is my Grandmother wants her mom invited and she lives out of town which means inviting a Great-Aunt/Uncle to drive her which means inviting all of the Great-Aunts/Uncles. I wouldn’t mind but we only see them once a year and we’re not that close…
Great diagram! But they missed one “will it upset/embarrass your mom if you don’t invite them?” lol Cutting our list is tough, especially bc we’re 60 over our limit. I had to be very careful about our STDs.
The chart is handy, but I disagree that I need to invite folks that I’ve talked to the wedding about if they are co-workers/co-students that I hang out with outside of office hours. There are grad student friends of the Mr. that I’ve talked about the wedding with at various happy hours/trivia nights-but only because they’ve asked.
I went with the ‘would I pay $100 for this person’s birthday dinner’ and the ‘if I saw this person on the street and they weren’t invited, would I feel slightly guilty or be raged with horror for months’ route. This also worked for my parents. 
Ugh… the guest list. We picked a venue with a smallish limit (about 130) to purposely limit the guest list since we knew it could easily get out of control. But it’s has been-and still is-a struggle.
If I don’t have your phone number, then you’re not invited to the wedding. It sounds stupid, but we were invited to a wedding this last summer and I haven’t talked to the couple in over 4 years. It was strange to be there. I didn’t have their phone number and they didn’t have mine. It really helped us narrow down our non-family guests.
Very useful diagram, thanks:)
My problem is I started mentioning my wedding to highschool friends, who invited me to theirs, through facebook (stupid facebook) and now I feel stuck that I have to invite them!
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Mrs. Brooch, Arlington, VA Age and Occupation: 25, Writer/Editor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Front Desk Manager Engagement Date: October 3, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2011 Venue: Oxon Hill Manor About Me: I’m an indecisive girlie-girl with a motor mouth, can-do attitude, and knack for making others laugh. I dream of becoming a best selling novelist like Elizabeth Gilbert or Julie Powell (a girl can dream, right?), and love long road trips, a beautiful countryside, music, blogs, books, and all things vintage/thrift/antique/or homemade. I’m a Virgo, i.e. overly sensitive, emotional, and critical, and there’s no such thing as short and sweet in my world. I want to say and do it all. Mr. Brooch grounds me. I point where to go and he figures out the way. He’s a pragmatic fancy-pants who enjoys video games and movies. We both adore our mutt, Rocky, and spending time with our amazingly supportive family and friends. We’re planning a garden wedding with a formal reception with lots of whimsy and unique, Southern-inspired details.
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