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Once again, I have to mention that I have the coolest dad ever, but wedding planning brings out a side of him I’ve never seen. Daddy G is my buddy—we hang out and do all kinds of things together, but he’s also a bit of a Dadzilla.
Daddy G helping me set up my garden at the beginning of the summer. See? Greatest Dad ever!
Sit back and relax hive, because here’s another tale of my Dadzilla. This bout of Dadzilla-ness was brought on by the Great Name Change Debate.
See, currently, I don’t know what I’m going to do about my name. I’m really really torn, seeing as I love my last name and can’t ever imagine giving it up. Mr. Giraffe supports my decision either way, but I do know that he’ll be bummed if I don’t take his name, as he would really like me to. I told him that I have no problem with our future kids having his last name, I just can’t see myself without my name as it has been for the last 23 years. Part of me is thinking about compromising by keeping my last name and adding his after it (without a hyphen) or moving my last name up to the middle so I’ll have two middle names, and having his name as my last name. If I did the latter though, I would go by Miss Giraffe MyLastName HisLastName. (And secretly, I’m kind of trying to avoid that whisper inside of me that says not to change mine all. I’m trying to at least comprise, folks.)
It does seem like a very personal decision, and I think that’s why brides struggle with it so often. I think it’s very hard to walk that line between the love for Mr. G and his name, the love of myself and my name, and that place in the middle where we share everything.
Apparently, Daddy G must have overheard me talking to Mama G about this recently.
Once again, I have to set the scene for you guys, but it’s so hilarious and ridiculous.
Mama Giraffe, Daddy G, and Miss Giraffe are sitting together watching Dancing with the Stars, as per usual in the Giraffe household. Out of nowhere, Daddy pauses the TV and looks right at Miss G.
Daddy G, “Miss Giraffe, are you changing your name?”
Caught off guard, Miss G takes a moment to recover and gives Dad her wrinkly faced confused look, “Yes…no…I’m undecided.” (Miss G is thankful she read Knitting’s post recently about being undecided because it seemed like a good choice for her.)
Daddy G, “Well, I have to weigh in here.”
The conversation then goes on to include a few select highlights by Daddy G:
“Well, if your mother did that to me, I wouldn’t have married her…”
“No, Giraffe, I know what people do, and people don’t keep their name. The woman changes hers, that’s what happens.”
“It might be different if you were a celebrity…”
Daddy G, who I’m super close to, went as far as dropping this bomb:
“Well…I’d be very disappointed in you if you decided not to.”
Woah—hold the phone! Not changing my name would actually disappoint my parents? Ummm, what? Traditional much?
Oh, and here’s my personal favorite (I actually put it on a stickie on my laptop so I wouldn’t forget it):
“If your name was going to be Frankenstein*, I could understand, but his isn’t that bad!”
Ummm, Frankenstein? Hahaha, I love you, Dad.
So, there you have it, hive. My Dadzilla has put his two cents in on the name change debate, and apparently, he feels very strongly about it. I thought I’d make this personal decision on my own, but apparently it’s not just my decision to make. I had no idea it was a group decision.
But, honestly, where does this leave me? I have no idea. It was hard enough to make a decision before the family weighed in!
*No offense to the Frankensteins out there. It’s a lovely name, I’m sure.
It’s totally your decision! I struggled with it, especially since my last name was super easy and his is not easy at all (not to mention the middle part is a profanity!) but I decided I wanted to have the same last name as my kids. I ended up dropping my middle name and changing my middle name to my last name. So it was Emily Middlename Lastname, now its Emily Lastname Hisname. I am very happy with my decision as I feel I still get to keep what I love and “pay tribute” to my family, but keep his and start our own.
ha wow. it’s very interesting to hear his very opinionated comments, but what were your reactions to all of this?? i hope when he made the Frankenstein comment your response was “well, it has nothing to do with liking his name, it’s about MY name’s strong connection to MY identity.” i always had no question i would change my name, never gave it a second thought…until i actually had to do it and i was really surprised at how i felt like i was losing part of me by losing my last name! i never expected to feel that way! if i had i might have thought about it a lot more thoroughly. Don’t get me wrong, i’m still happy with my decision and 5 months after our wedding i am still getting used to it. Do what feels right to you and tell you Dad if he doesn’t like it, get over it and definitely never bring it up. it’s none of his business and actually, he should be touched that you have such a strong connection to your (and his!) family name, as you should!
Oh man, I have been there. When I told my parents I wasn’t planning on changing my name (offhandedly, while we were eating dinner and watching tv), my dad was kind of like, “huh. well how about that.” But my mom, on the other hand, well, the next day she let it slip that she thought it made my marriage less valid. I was stunned, and mad! She apologized for saying that, but I know she still just doesn’t get it. She’s totally open-minded, though, so it’s funny to me that she would be so traditional about that!
Ultimately, as you know, it’s your decision, and whatever you decide will be right for you. I did keep my name and I’m happy with my decision, and my family has gotten used to it. You’ll always get a few hairy eyeballs about it, but it’s easy to ignore them!
I am having trouble with this too. I know my fiance would be really upset if I didn’t take his name but I really love my name - my first, middle and last go together so well and thats who I am. Its just hard to think of myself not having my name and taking his. My mom has her maiden name as her middle name but for me that would sound horrible! So its still a decision to be made and thankfully I have 10 months to decide.
That is a super cute and funny story. Mine is similiar, but in the opposite way.
I have a 5 yr old son that my dad adores that shares our last name. Well recently, my dad and I and my little boy, Julian were at a festival. I got to talking to my dad about how my fiance was going to adopt my son and how excited I was. He asked me “Are you going to change Julian’s last name?” It caught me off guard and I knew he was expecting an answer. Thing is, I dont want him to drop the last name completely and neither does my dad.
I talked to my FI about it and he couldn’t understand why I would want to keep my last name at all???@?!?!?!? After explaining my culture (hispanic) and how I currently have two last names (one of them used as my middle name) it ONLY seemed completely logical to continue this with my children. Besides, my FI changed his last name a couple of years ago so it didn’t hold any historical value to him or I. Mine does.
After much debate (heated at times) my FI said that finally understand my stance on it, we decided that I will drop one of my last names, move my other last name to my middle name and then tack his last name onto the end of mine! WOW say that three times fast.
I guess the debate is a hot one.
Honestly - it really should be up to you. I am going through the same debate - except its my FMIL that is causing the fuss. My mister is fully supportive of whatever I decide. I like the sound of my last name and first name together, am establishing myself professionally under my given name and in all honesty - (actually Mr. said this) - my first name and his last name don’t flow as beautifully.
Either way - changing my name or not changing my name does not define my commitment to him and our marriage. Our future children will probably carry his last name, and mine as a middle name.
I am in no sense a feminist - but I wouldn’t expect my Mr. to change his last name to mine, why should it necessarily be the “right” thing for me to change mine? Let’s be real - gone are the days when a woman was dependent on her husband for everything. We live in an equal world now - so why not make the decision about what YOU want, not what society expects.
Whatever feels right to you, should be what you do. You also can change your name to his whenever you want - so if you’d like to ease into the new name, why not? (This may be what happens with me - I’m leaving options open)
Girl, all I have to say is, it’s NOT a group decision. I think it’s important to do what’s right for yourself and not be too weighed down by other people’s opinions.
so funny! i love that your dad has so much input into the whole wedding thing. I never saw it as an option not to change my last name, but when i think about giving up my very Italian last name it makes me sad. (i have met only one other person with my name and she lives in Italy) My FI has one of the most common, generic last names and making my last name a middle name just sounds funny so i will say farewell to my awesome last name. I thought about my mother being Karen hermaidenname and it just sounds so funny, like it was never supposed to be that way so maybe in 20 years ill come to terms with my new last name.
ROFL! I love your dad.
And just want to weigh in that two middle names ain’t so bad. I have had two my whole life so I am probably going to end up hyphenating but otherwise I would have moved my last name into my middle name. 
This is, ultimately, your decision and not your husband’s or your father’s. Whatever decision is right for you, if you make it because of other people it will be so much easier to doubt and second guess yourself. His saying he’d be disappointed in you actually kind of saddens me and I can’t quite figure out why. Probably because it plays so much into the expectation that while women do have a choice nowadays, so many people put their own expectations and judgments on other people’s choices.
I had no idea what my parents would say when I told them I was keeping my name - that they’d be excited that I’m keeping the same last name as the or feel weird about it because that’s not what my mother did when they got married. I actually still don’t know… when we discussed it, all they said was “sweet, we already know how to spell that.”
Why no hyphen? I hyphenated because I knew that if I didn’t, my last name would always be dropped. People wouldn’t know to include both last names without a hyphen unless given the visual clue. You may end up giving up your last name anyway if you go that route - simply because people won’t ever refer to it.
I compromised, too. I’m a MyFirst MyLast HisLast - but I use HisLast in most social situations and at work. I just like knowing that mine is still there.
I love your posts about your dad. It’s great that you can see the humor in it - I would have lost my s**t!
I’m keeping my name. One possible solution that a friend of mine adopted: she became firstname histlast herlast. That way his last name became a part of her name, but she still has the first and last names that she feels are HERS and that she is strongly attached to.
But seriously, it should be your decision. Not your families or anyone else’s. Yours, with your FI’s input.
I am going with Octopus on this one, I understand that families are important, but this is about just you and FI, and that’s it. . btw I’m struggling with this decision too, so I get it . . 100%
My dad totally said “If I were your fiance, I would call off the wedding” — IN FRONT OF MY THEN-FI!!! I haven’t changed my name, but my dad did throw little fits here and there, too. Like non-white flowers. We also got into a HUGE fight where he didn’t talk to me for a month, and I didn’t do anything wrong. I read “The Conscious Bride” and think that it was part of the changes that can happen in relationships during engagement time, especially between father and daughter.
If it’s any consolation, I haven’t changed my name, and we were back to normal in plenty of time for the wedding. =)
I am MyFirst MyLast HisLast, no hyphen. At work I am MyFirst MyLast and at home and with kids I am MyFirst HisLast. Some people have said in the past that this makes them feel like they are living two different lives, but I haven’t had any problem with it and I can’t see feeling that way in the future, but who knows. Except for official communication, I don’t care what anybody calls me.
Omg, I had almost the same reaction from my parents! When we first got engaged I considered keeping my last name and told them, thinking they’d be pleased and honored. They were like…wait, but you’re supposed to change your name. They appreciated the sentiment but they’re traditional like that. I ended up personally deciding to take his last name but keep my maiden as my middle name, and I’m happy with that. I agree with everyone, this isn’t a group decision, it’s your decision, so do what makes you happy.
Wow, I wasn’t expecting that! The problem I have with my Dad is the opposite. He’s one of eight kids, four boys and four girls. Even after the four boys had kids… well, there’s only one boy out of all those kids.
So my Dad (and his brothers) offer whoever my cousin happens to be dating at the time money “per heir produced”! What are we, in the middle ages?! He says he’ll pay for all her medical bills and baby supplies, so long as there’s little babies running around with his last name.
My sister and I have been put in the same situation, told that he’ll pay our boyfriends to take our names when we get married so that there will be “heirs”. Nevermind if we want to have kids or not.
All in all, it’s up to you! Best of luck in your decision!
Haha your dad sounds a LOT like my dad - full of opinions on things you’d never have expected him to care so much about!
The name change issue is definitely one of personal preference, and it tends to get a lot of people up in arms. Good luck with your decision!
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Mrs. Giraffe, Chicago Age and Occupation: 23, Graphic Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Music Student Teacher Engagement Date: October 23, 2008 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Trinity Lutheran Church & Idlewild Country Club About Me: Coming from the suburbs of the Windy City, you'll often find me with my foot in my mouth while laughing for no reason or telling bad knock knock jokes. I've been crafty for as long as I can remember, and will DIY something twice over before I have someone do it for me. I'm a semi-awkward, typeface obsessed, design junkie and have been know to break out my dance moves for no reason as well as try my best to be ridiculous at all times. My love of pop culture, wordplay, and graph paper almost rivals my love of Mr. Giraffe (who is just the bee's knees). After a 2.5 year engagement, we're planning a modern-in-disguise traditional wedding, and cannot wait!
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