Get an Advocate

Get an Advocate

November 9th, 2010 @ 6:22 pm by Mrs. Ribbons
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I only have one pro picture recap left, but before that, I would like to get just a little pissypants.

Our photography contract was only for 5 hours. It was the smallest package and the most we could afford when we started planning. When I started going over the timeline of photos and the overall wedding, I realized, with the photographer’s suggestion of starting photos 2 hours prior to ceremony, that we would get no pictures of dancing at the reception. That wasn’t agreeable to us because we hired a really, really awesome DJ and I knew there would be a lot of dancing (and there was).

So I emailed our photographer the timeline, noting that the photography would end before dancing started and I’d probably want to add an hour. She replied that they weren’t super strict with time. I thought everything would be okay.

Well, at the reception, a mere 10 minutes before the DJ really started to play dance music, out photographer stopped at my table to let me know she was leaving. I had bride brain. I was in that haze, where everything was okay, so I said.. okay.

Can I just say brides should be treated like comatose patients on the wedding day? I was absolutely incapable of effectively advocating for myself and really need someone else to do it. All I needed was one person to say to the photographer “they really wanted some dancing shots, can you stay for one dance song?” or “we’ll add an hour!” I would’ve happily paid extra for pictures of our friends and family dancing. But that wish got lost in the shuffle.

If something about the wedding day is important to you: tell someone. Make a bridesmaid or friend your advocate. The fact that we have zero pictures of dancing kept me up at night. It made me cry. Dancing was what I was most looking forward to about our wedding, besides the ceremony, and I’ve got nothing to show for it besides a couple of guest photos.

Did you/will you have an advocate on your wedding day?

Tags: bloomington, photography |

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29 Responses to “Get an Advocate”

1 2 Last

Member

crayfish (message) 4,844 posts, Honey bee

Why didn’t you add an hour to your contract beforehand? Seems like that would have prevented your disappointment. Since you had already looked into it with them, and already knew the time line didn’t work, you could have saved some heartache! So sorry this is something you look back on with regret!!

11/9/10 @ 6:31 pm (reply)

Member

KaitlinHudson (message) 1,131 posts, Bumble bee

Oh wow. Especially since you emailed her about this, I’d be pretty upset as well. To answer your questions, I’m advocating to eat. I need someone to remind me to sit down and eat. I am a people pleaser and am the person at every party that gets talking and doesn’t realize she’s hungry until the food is put away.

11/9/10 @ 6:46 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Scissors (message) 7,343 posts, Bee Keeper

Amen, sister. I was totally zoned out, and there are a few little things that I wish somebody would have made me do. (Um, like brush my hair? Remind the photogs to capture the FOOD and house… yeah, you know.)

I still am a little surprised that she didn’t add an extra hour and bill you (or not!) for it later, given the awesome dj connections. Humbug!

11/9/10 @ 6:49 pm (reply)

Guest

This sucks But, I hope other brides learn from the mistake. If you’re on a tight schedule talk to your photographer before hand about paying for an extra hour. Don’t expect them to bring it up to you at your wedding- it’s in a bad form for a photographer to try and “sell you” another hour during the reception. Plus if there’s no contract signed stating this or a previous written conversation (email) he/she may have trouble collecting for the extra hour. (I have had this problem).

11/9/10 @ 6:50 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Oyster (message) 879 posts, Busy bee

@crayfish: She tried that already.

It sounds like a case of missed expectations. I think every wedding has them and I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. I agree that it was very confusing that your photographer left when you’d already discussed this beforehand, and it seems like you both thought you were clear with each other. I’m sorry, that is so disappointing!

11/9/10 @ 6:54 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Cheeseburger (message) 1,020 posts, Bumble bee

Oh Ribbons, I am so sorry. This is such great advice, and you know what? It almost happened to us, too. Our Photog said the same thing in planning “the hourly limit is really only in place for brides I don’t love, like you!” but then lo and behold, on our wedding day (at like 8:30, she approached and said they were leaving because they forgot about their dog. Our reception went until midnight and we had just started dancing. She was supposed to capture our last dance, pizza, going out to bars, etc. I looked at her and said “Oh, Ok,” but I was clearly disappointed. Something made her decide to stay, and I am so glad that she did… I know our relationship would have been strained if she hadn’t. So sorry again, but your pictures REALLY ARE AMAZING <3

11/9/10 @ 7:55 pm (reply)

Member

jgoulart (message) 1,069 posts, Bumble bee

I’m sorry you didn’t capture everything you wanted.

11/9/10 @ 8:16 pm (reply)

Member

Farfromachildbride (message) 1,006 posts, Bumble bee

Awww, I’m sorry Ribbons. All of our dancing pictures feature me with a cocktail in my hand. Every single one. Hello, who’s a lush? So while they are fun to look through, they aren’t framers and I’m going to have to hide most of them from our future kid-o’s.

11/9/10 @ 8:46 pm (reply)

Bee

Ms Cheetah (message) 1,188 posts, Bumble bee

I’m so sorry Ribs… You have some great advice in here that I’m sure will help a lot of other brides.

11/9/10 @ 9:17 pm (reply)

10.

Member

edb (message) 415 posts, Helper bee

I soooo feel you on this one. After we got our pro-pics back, I wished I had given the photographer different instructions about what to capture, etc. Our pictures were amazing - but not quite what I expected.

I think ultimately, we have to let these things go. It just really really sucks. Do you have guest pictures you can use to fill in?

11/9/10 @ 9:43 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

periwinkle

I completely understand how this makes you torq ued! At dd’s wedding I really wanted a picture of the bride’s immediate family in our wedding finery. He got a couple, but everyone is not showing! I cried for a while about that. I tell everyone to Make.A.List and make sure the photog gets all the photos you want!

11/9/10 @ 9:46 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Mrs. Ribbons (message) 2,018 posts, Buzzing bee

@periwinkle: Yeah I have a few guest pictures. The sad thing is everyone was so busy dancing that no one really picked up a camera!

11/9/10 @ 9:49 pm (reply)

13.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

All of my BMs and MOH were definitely my advocates, although none had to step in luckily. My photographer did try to make us do the first look in reverse, i.e. he sneak up on me (which would ruin the surprise of the dress/hair). Normally I would have just said “okay” and regretted it, however I had my BM’s voice in my head (she and the rest were still at the house getting ready) saying how this was ridiculous (she had been to a wedding where the photographer did the same thing and it ruined the first look…we had literally just talked about how stupid it was the day before at my rehearsal). Her voice gave me the balls to tell the photographer that it should be the other way around.

11/9/10 @ 9:56 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Mrs. Hot Wings (message) 2,213 posts, Buzzing bee

I totally know this feeling. I was the same way. I really wanted more wedding party photos, but I didn’t really tell anyone and when the photographer dismissed us after formals, I just said “okay.” I knew it was odd, but no one stopped me to ask, but why, we have more time to take photos. I’m so sorry ribbons!

11/9/10 @ 10:06 pm (reply)

15.

Member

eileen marie (message) 1,662 posts, Bumble bee

I am so sorry, Ribbons. Just hold onto the memories & those guest photos. Our photog & videographer also cut out early (just not that early). There were major things neither of them managed to get that I still lament, but it is so NOT worth it.

11/9/10 @ 10:09 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

Katie

Ribbons, I’m so sorry, and this is great advice. We had a similar thing happen - except our photographers just left, without saying anything at all to us! I only noticed about 10 minutes after they left, because I wanted to ask them to get some great photos of everyone dancing… and then they were gone.

11/9/10 @ 10:34 pm (reply)

17.

Member

eeper (message) 485 posts, Helper bee

That is so frustrating. You are totally right about bride brain. I would have said “yes, great!” to anything that day. Like Mrs. Hot Wings, I did not get any awesome bridal party pics. I guess I just assumed we’d get those great shots of me with the groomsmen, of everyone jumping, etc. but I never specifically told anybody I wanted them! My younger sister is getting married next year and I will definitely be her advocate!

11/9/10 @ 10:56 pm (reply)

18.

Member

Ms. Anemone (message) 624 posts, Busy bee

I am so sorry you missed out on dancing photos, dear! I will definitely take your advice, though, and be sure to have a functional human to speak for me.

11/9/10 @ 11:34 pm (reply)

19.

Member

Miss HunnyBunny (message) 119 posts, Blushing bee

That really stinks! My photography package is also only 5 hours. I told the photographer that I don’t need pics of me getting ready( for me that just adds to the stress of the day) that way he said he will arrive approx 1 hour before ceremony, and hopefully we will be okay. If not I will definately take your advice and add time, and make sure a functioning individual can make these requests clear

11/10/10 @ 1:05 am (reply)

20.