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OHMYGODIT’SNOVEMBER! Mr Pretzel and I have been married for four months and in a couple weeks I am going to squeeze slip into my wedding dress again and party once more. I’ve become BFFs with the post office and their flat rate shipping boxes as of late. A steady stream of packages are arriving at my In Laws’ doorstep each day. Details are getting hammered out but we keep bumping into this one little problem.
It’s not a wedding.
Source: Altered by moi
We’re married. We planned and had the wedding and reception of our dreams. We were introduced as husband and wife, had (cup)cake, danced our first dance, were toasted by our dads, tossed the bouquet, took pretty pictures and all around partied our arses off. It was kick-ass and wonderful but I have no desire to do those things again at our hometown reception…
OK I want to take pretty pictures and party our arses off… and I might be convinced to be introduced as “the newlyweds.”
There seems to be very little protocol in the wedding industry for a second reception, especially a second reception that happens over 4 months after the wedding. I realize that in absence of protocol for this situation, wedding vendors fall back on what is familiar: introduce bridal party, first dance, toasts, bouquet, etc. May I say that I am not a fan of this? There is no bride, there is no groom. There is wife and husband and maybe newlyweds.
It might sound like I don’t want a second reception—I do! What I don’t want is a second reception that pretends it is the first reception. The second reception is primarily for most of Mr Pretzel’s family and my dad’s side of the family. For the most part, these two groups weren’t able to make it to Seattle and celebrating with them is important to us. We aren’t going to be able to recreate the event for people but we will be able to give them a glimpse into the day we said “I do.”
Mr P and I discussed this dilemma: make it “wedding-y” or make it “something else.” Wedding-y is easy because it is familiar and comfortable for guests and vendors alike while “something else” has no blueprint or boundaries and is thus more time consuming to figure out. We need to figure out what “something else” looks like.
Things we don’t want:
Things we do want:
It feels good to break away from “wedding-y”…now if we could only get all of our vendors on the same page. Mr P and I are sitting down to “re-write” our DJ’s info sheet because when I crossed out all the aforementioned things we didn’t want to do there really wasn’t much to the sheet besides start time and end time.
Did you do have second reception? Where did it fall on the wedding-y -> “something else” scale? Any tips for “something else”?
I totally understand why you don’t want it to be like a wedding do-over. We got married in MX and had our dream reception there with 25 of our friends and family. My parent’s wanted to make sure their friends/family were included and offered to throw a reception back home after the wedding.
You’re doing better than me, I made no effort to make it seem “wedding-y”. It was 2 weeks after our real wedding and took place in a cozy/modern space in a restaurant. We had heavy apps, wine/beer hosted, a candy bar, and a video of wedding photos and video playing (my dad shoots and edits for a living so it was good quality). They played music and had salsa dancing in the main area/below our room (which was like a loft), so people did dance but there wan’t a DJ.
I rented a beautiful Badgley Mischka beaded sheath dress in ivory (well, so a whiteish dress was wedding-y) which worked out GRRRRReat.
Just a couple of thoughts for you - you are newlyweds! Live it up! And you can tell the dj or whomever is introducing you not to call you the bride and groom, but other people will, and its not a bad thing! I totally get the not wanted to redo the bouquet toss etc, but if this is going to be a hometown “reception” then your guests would probably appreciate hearing a toast, and maybe yall kicking it off on the dance floor with a first dance (its the first dance of this reception, not your first married dance, but your guests wont care- to them its their moment to see you and your husband). I’d say to plan it like a party plus! A party, plus a few wedding-y things, and beyond that, just go with it! Its hard for you to find out information on what to do/not to do, and you’re doing research - your guests will just show up!
We were seriously considering it but as of right now we won’t have one close to the wedding. We may have one a year later in my hometown as at that point we will be moving to wherever I get in for grad school ( possibly even the UK!) so it will be more of Good Luck/ Celebrate Knubbsy and FH’s Anniversary! Party than anything else. I may wear my dress but he probably wouldn’t wear a tux. There will be cake (because everything needs cake) and the video of the wedding will possibly be playing on a wall but that’s about as wedding as it will get.
*whew* Thought I was the only one who was questioning these thing. We are right behind out on this one. We are calling it celebration when we send out invites so that no one even associates a wedding word with it. 
I would love to have a second reception just as you laid out. An excuse to be with friends and family, eat awesome food, and dance. And maybe buy a new cute dress!
Yes! I agree whole-heartedly. take that, you glass clinkers! lol. there might be some wedding things you can’t avoid, but I like what you’re striving for!
@Mrs. Sewing: Lol… Internally I cringed every time someone clinked a glass @ you. 
I understand what you are saying. I would think if you have video or a great, extensive slide show of the wedding going somewhere, sometime, that might satisfy the folks who did not get to come, but still give you the opportunity to break away and have this be “different”. That can substitute for the “wedding day” feeling and you can do whatever you want with the rest of it — maybe a “toast” to the audience, thanking them for celebrating your new marriage, then food and dancing. What more do you need, indeed?? 
We had a “post-wedding celebration” 1 month after our small destination wedding. It was purposely non-wedding-y. We decorated in all things tropical to go with out original wedding theme. There was music and lots of great food. There were no formal announcements but the DJ did “introduce the hosts - the newlywed Mr & Mrs J” at the start of the party. It was casual, I wore my dress for pictures with family who didn’t attend the wedding then changed to a short black and white fun dress. Everything was personalized and everything was very “us”. No matter what you decide to do, be happy, have fun, be comfortable, and enjoy!
yayyyyy…a prezel post!
we’re having a hometown reception too, about 4-ish months after we return from paradise. and we’re right there with you on the “something else.” laid back, tons-o-food and good times…period, end of story!
I totally agree. Celebrate being newlyweds, wear your fancy stuff, and enjoy seeing your friends. Some people are actually offended when couples go through everything all over again - to each their own.
We are doing something really similar, but it’s only a month after our wedding. I have absolutely no idea how it’s going to play out, so I can’t wait to see what you end up doing!
Totally with you on this one. I’d be off-put if I were a “bride” or a guest at a second reception months after the wedding that acted like it was a wedding. Just throw a party and have fun, you guys are good at that! And for helping your guests feel like they got an intimate glimpse of your wedding day, are you considering showing a slideshow or video from your wedding? Maybe a creative/pretty display of some of the photos? You could set out the same guestbook from your first wedding, with a heading delineating the line between the two, and let guests sign it and write their well-wishes.
Sounds like a big party without the stress of the wedding bit to me
We are doing the “something else” - throwing a big party next summer. We were married at the courthouse (just us) this past July. For the party, we are having is catered, and there will be entertainment - no DJ. Alternatively, we are putting on a “variety show” - live musicians (jazz, blues), and between sets there will be game show-like fun things, like trivia questions, “minute-to-win-it” games - anything interactive, but not too cheesy. (We’re still piecing it together). No cake, “first dance”, or wedding dress (although its still semi-formal). I did hire a photographer and will probably have a photo booth and a caricature artist. I feel it is not only a celebration of our union, but a wonderful event to gather friends and family together, so it was important to us to include everyone as much as possible. Good luck with your event!
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Mrs. Pretzel, Seattle Age and Occupation: 32 Learning, Training, and Development Specialist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28 Manufacturing Engineer Engagement Date: September 2, 2009 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Catholic Church & The Engine Room at Georgetown Studios About Me: I’m just a thirty-something girl who never dreamed of weddings, poofy dresses, or ritzy receptions. I am a rabid knitter, except recently, wedding projects have replaced my yarn and needles. I’ve been fiercely independent since the age of 2 and 30 years later I think my family and friends had given up on me settling down and getting married. Ironically, I had to go all the way to Seattle to find a boy from Purdue. We fell in love over Seattle Beers and cooking together. I love NASCAR, he loves Legos. I can talk like a Muppet and he can fit a whole McDonald’s cheeseburger in his mouth. We are a two reception couple, currently planning a brewery inspired bash.
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