Best of the ‘Bee – Life Can Be Funny So Why Not Beat It To The Punch Line?

Here is a rewind to Mrs. Snow Pea’s favorite post!

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Last Tuesday we had our first and only dance lesson at Atrium Dance. We really procrastinated on that task! Instructor Barbara was fantastic and taught us enough to move around the dance floor for our first dance. Whether we can do it without making a complete ass of ourselves is another thing. Barbara even instructs at Drexel U sometimes.

What I love about Mr. Snow Pea is that he is a great sport about everything. Dancing made him a little uneasy, but he sucked it up for me. The reason being is Mr. Snow Pea was born with Cerebral Palsy and has what is known as Spastic CP, which is heightened muscle tone and tightness. Mr. Snow Pea’s legs are spastic, so he’s a little apprehensive about dancing in front of a crowd. Otherwise, he’s cool as a cucumber! Life Can Be Funny So Why Not Beat It To The Punchline? :  wedding new york relationships Cool cool

The reason I bring this up is that I don’t think I have ever seen this discussed. What exactly? Disabilities and all that comes with it, e.g. Health Issues, Family Concerns, Prejudice, Compromises, Criticism, etc. These are things that people don’t tell you when you’re getting married, but I am sure many people deal with them. I don’t know anyone else with a spouse who has a “disability.”

I wouldn’t call it a disability either. He’s perfectly able-bodied. He can do anything except ice skate or use his feet during a tickle fight!

Like I said, Mr. Snow Pea was born with CP. When we met in college, I didn’t even notice he walked differently, which even surprised me because I was a freakin’ priss back then. I just knew he was a special guy. We dated for a few months and I was crazy about him. It never bothered me when people stared at us on the street. I used to tell him it’s because we’re such a darn good lookin’ couple. In Chinatown, everyone stares at everyone anyway, and it’s more likely it’s because they see a Chinese girl holding hands with a “white guy”.

Then one day, something changed. L-O-V-E! I knew I truly loved Mr. Snow Pea when I got scared. No, none of that stupid I am scared to get hurt BS. I mean concerned – for his future, his health, our future, can we have children? Would it mean I have to bear a heavier load in our relationship, household responsibilities, and child rearing? What happens when he’s elderly? I educated myself on it by reading about CP online, chatting with other people with CP and voicing my concerns with Mr. Snow Pea. Of course, Mr. SP didn’t want to be a burden, not that he was. Pretty soon all my questions were answered and my fear went away. Instead, I was filled with love and affection knowing that I would spend my life with someone who was strong, resilient, positive and caring.

How did our friends and family react when they met Mr. Snow Pea? For people who are often critical, they were surprisingly understanding. My mom loved Mr. SP from the start! She often reprimands me for not “helping” him around the house even though he’s perfectly capable, or cooking too much for him because she thinks he shouldn’t gain any weight otherwise it will make his knees “worse”. Silly Mama goose. All our friends are cool, so that was no big deal. I think that’s what makes our friends so great. We are such a tightly knit group and very protective of one another.

Unfortunately, we have had some troubles with people. Oftentimes, kids will make fun of him on the street. Once, a random woman shouted at us saying if he got better shoes, he would walk better. A homeless person once attacked him by hooking him at the ankle with an umbrella. Those incidents were more dangerous than hurtful. The most shocking thing for me was that people actually made that kind of effort to be cruel. The worst was when acquaintances felt the need to ask how I could be with “someone like that”, because if they were in my shoes they would be embarrassed. How shallow.

As for the future, I am so grateful to share my life with someone as strong as Mr. Snow Pea. Growing up with CP has definitely added another dimension to his personality. He’s incredibly healthy and with CP, the only thing he has to do is work out throughout his whole life to stretch out his muscles, because the more spastic his muscles are, he will lose his capability to walk on his own. We’re strong and protective of one another and as cliche as it may sound, it has made our relationship stronger.

I think anyone can relate to this in one way or another. How many people have made judgments about your fiance/spouse based on looks, education, money, and ethnicity? What are some special circumstances that you have experienced? How did you overcome them?

Mr. Snow Pea even wrote about his experience with CP called Keith’s Story.
For more information, visit United Cerebral Palsy.

BLOGGER

Mrs. Snow Pea

Location:
New York
Wedding Date:
August 2007
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comments

  1. Member
    MsHangry 89 posts, Worker bee @ 6:34 pm

    I remember this one when you originally published it. I’m glad you chose it as your favorite and shared your story again. Thank you

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    periwinkle, Guest @ 7:00 pm

    I love the story of the snow peas and I really enjoyed reading the link written by Mr. SP! Congrats on three years of marriage!

  3. Member
    elephant 6339 posts, Bee Keeper @ 7:12 pm

    This is such a touching post. I remember your wedding video and the dancing sections were beautiful!

  4. Member
    kml21636 128 posts, Blushing bee @ 7:40 pm

    I am so touched to see someone reach out and post something this loving. My younger brother is diagnosed with severe Autism. You are such a beautiful person for opening your heart and being so supportive of your FI. There are unfortunately some not so nice people in the world who will say or do hurtful things, but you are in love and I am very thankful again to see this post. Very touching :)

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    Lauren, Guest @ 10:14 pm

    My SO has a disability as well, and its so touching to hear that I’m not the only one. What I always try to remember is that it’s not his disability that defines him, it’s his many abilities.

  6. Member
    mrspaetz 3812 posts, Honey bee @ 12:07 am

    wow. Thank you for sharing this.

  7. Member
    Mrs Moose 301 posts, Helper bee @ 12:21 am

    Beautiful post, and you are obviously a beautiful woman, inside and out. Thank you for sharing, and congrats on three years of marriage!

  8. Member
    flamingo 1365 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:32 am

    I <3 you and mr.SP. that is all :)

  9. Member
    prairiedog 455 posts, Helper bee @ 11:10 am

    i have a friend with CP and i hope she finds a spouse who will support her and love her the way you do mr. sp!

  10. Member
    pretzel 670 posts, Busy bee @ 12:50 am

    SP, I love this post, absolutely beautiful!

  11. Member
    sarahcisme 347 posts, Helper bee @ 1:36 am

    I love the part of this post where you say that you knew you loved Mr. Snow Pea because you found yourself scared about his health and his future.

  12. Member
    msbuttons 5014 posts, Bee Keeper @ 9:38 am

    Wonderful post, Mrs. SP! Thank you for sharing.

  13. Member
    quiche 3150 posts, Sugar bee @ 11:28 am

    What a great post!! :)

  14. Member
    Mustang 60 posts, Worker bee @ 3:50 pm

    I have Erb’s Palsy in my left arm so it’s a lot smaller than my right (the alternative could have been CP, I’m very grateful it wasn’t). My FI told me that he likes it about me because it makes me different. He was tired of the same ditzy rich girls, and he knew I grew up completely different from them because of my disability. <3

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