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Mrs. Frozen Yogurt, Dallas Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader Engagement Date: March 19, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.
About Mrs. Frozen Yogurt

I love this post because I was a clueless, excited, panicked mess when I first got engaged. I made the mistake of reading magazines early on that gave advice for people that were much further along in the planning process, and I freaked out. I had no idea I needed to worry about something so complex when I barely even knew what colors I was thinking of using. Let’s be honest, being engaged is a ton of fun, but it can also be stressful. I hope some of these pointers will help brides as they plan their wedding, but if not, at least you get to look at some beautiful rings (and ring boxes) in the picture.

~~~

Best of the 'Bee - Newly Engaged Dos and Don’ts :  wedding best of weddingbee engagement etiquette Martha Stewart Weddings Newly Engaged Dos and Don’ts :  wedding budget Martha Stewart Weddings martha_stewart_weddings

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I’ve noticed on the boards that there are quite a few newly engaged girls. Congrats to you all!! It got me thinking about how I felt when I was first engaged and all the excitement that goes along with that newly acquired status. It was awesome. I seriously could not stop grinning! Along with all that excitement comes a lot of inspiration, ideas and panic about how to make this whole wedding thing come together.

I thought this might be the perfect time to share some dos and don’ts for the newly engaged girl. Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes and triumphs.

Do:

  • Take your time to research vendors. There are so many great vendors out there, it’s going to take a little time to weed through them, their prices, and contracts to zero in on the perfect ones for you. You’re spending lots of money, so you deserve to know that you’re getting the best thing out there for your money!
  • Set a budget early. It will help you determine how many people you can invite, where you can hold this shindig, and basically outline the structure for the entire wedding.
  • Start gathering inspiration from everywhere. There are so many amazing blogs and magazines out there. You are never without inspiration! Save anything that speaks to you because it will help you get a better grasp on what ideas you want to carry forward. As you find new, better ideas, get rid of the old stuff that you don’t need anymore.
  • Enjoy being engaged! It’s so fun. Everyone is so happy for you. You’re a bride for that entire time and you do get special treatment. Relish it!
  • Create a binder to hold all the important documents and inspiration. I used my binder A LOT in the beginning. Maybe not so much now, but it still has all my contracts, and if I ever need to pull one out, I know exactly where it is.
  • Use friendors. Unfortunately, I don’t have any. But if you have talented friends and you feel comfortable entering into a “business” relationship, go for it. No one will care more about your needs and wants on your wedding day than friends or family.
  • Take a minute to reflect on the reason behind the wedding. A lot of times I felt overwhelmed or stressed out, and then once I realized that no matter what happens the day of (if my cake isn’t perfect, or the flowers aren’t the right shade of cream, etc.) I will still be married to the love of my life, and that’s pretty comforting.

Don’t:

  • Book any vendors too early. I know, you’re panicked that all the good people will be taken, so you rush out and start lining up vendors left and right. You might have to fire a vendor later on, or worse, you might end up using someone you didn’t really want because you didn’t know what else was out there.
  • Buy anything on a whim because it’s a good deal (dress, favors, invitations, DIY project materials, ANYTHING). If you don’t know for sure you’re going to use it, it’s not a good deal regardless of the cost. Wait to make any purchases until you have a clear vision for your day.
  • Send out save the dates too early. My guest list hasn’t fluctuated too much, but there have been some changes. I would hate to send out a save the date to someone whom I maybe didn’t really want to invite later (obviously, I would still invite this person later on if I had already sent them a save the date).
  • Ask people to be in your wedding party too early. I know, I know. She’s your best friend! You love her! You’ll never stop being friends! Unfortunately, you might. Or you might decide that you don’t even want a wedding party at all, and then you have to tell all your sweet friends that they are no longer in your wedding. That makes them sad pandas. You don’t do that to them.
  • Be unrealistic about what you can accomplish on your own. It’s OK if you’re not like Martha. I’m not, and I realized early on that tons of DIY projects were just not in the cards for me. I learned about Etsy and I bought lots of stuff. Done and done.
  • Be afraid to ask for help. See that ‘Do’ up there about being a bride? You do get special treatment, and people will help you, so just make sure to ask, or take people up on their offers when they say they want to help.
  • Go all bridezilla on people because they didn’t act just like you wanted them to if you never told them what you wanted/needed from them. Let people off the hook every once in a while. That’s not to say if you have someone who is acting like a bad friend that they shouldn’t be called out, but give them the benefit of the doubt and communicate with them. It could make a huge difference.

So, what tips or suggestions do you all have for a newly engaged girl?

Tags: best-of-weddingbee, engagement, etiquette |
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23 Responses to “Best of the ‘Bee - Newly Engaged Dos and Don’ts”

1 2 

1.
Miss Sloth
Bee
Miss Sloth (message)  3,184 posts, Sugar bee

Such good advice!

 
2.
Member Icon
Member
glamfish500 (message)  262 posts, Helper bee

I’m newly engaged and I think I might just have print this and put in in my planning binder. These are great tips and I know I’ll need a reminder of them from time to time.

 
3.
feministbride
Member
feministbride (message)  283 posts, Helper bee

This is incredibly helpful - I’ve only been engaged a little over a month, and we’ve planned for a long engagement, about two years. I’ trying so hard to hold off on asking my bridal party because two years in advance is just waaay too much, but I’m already facing pressure from some of my friends who are excited, and just want to celebrate, but it’s also frustrating. Thank you so much for the reminder that I’ve got plenty of time to do everything!

 
4.
Guest Icon
Guest
AMK

I totally echo the don’t ask the wedding party too early thing. I still love my party but would have cut it back to 3 instead of 5 girls. You can drift apart from people if you have a very long engagement. Just wait and think about it and ask away when you actually need to order dresses etc.

 
5.
Mrs. Pug
Bee
Mrs. Pug (message)  3,753 posts, Honey bee

this is such good advice. everyone take heed!

 
6.
that girl
Member
that girl (message)  71 posts, Worker bee

Very good points!

The “Don’t ask the wedding party too early” is one thing I wished I had done. 7 months ago I called up the 4 girls I wanted in my party. 2 of whom I was asking because I thought they would be hurt if I didn’t, since I had said for the last 10 years that when the day came they would be in my party.

A few weeks ago I had to contact one of the girls because they had not been interested in helping me at all. Since I wanted these women to be part of the wedding because they meant something to me, I didn’t want them to just show up on the day and take pictures. I gave her an option to bow out and just be a guest. She took it and now I’m stuck feeling bitter that she didn’t care enough to help and not even wanting her to attend as a guest.

If I had just stopped to breath I would have realized that she was not a good option to begin with and would have just sent her an invitation to be a guest, saving myself alot of stress and hurt feelings.

 
7.
JoyfulBee
Member
JoyfulBee (message)  167 posts, Blushing bee

Man, oh man. If only I had read your post earlier! I’ve already accomplished some of the things on your Don’t list… :(

Thank you for your list! I believe it will help many a bride.

 
8.
dez091011
Member
dez091011 (message)  63 posts, Worker bee

I would say: Don’t get caught up in all the hype, but do what feels awesome and authentic to you. All the wonderful ideas and inspiration can influence you in a bad way, as can others’ expectations. Let your wedding reflect you and your fiance; nothing is more beautiful than that! :-)

 
9.
Golden139
Member
Golden139 (message)  1,768 posts, Buzzing bee

Thanks for the great advice!

I really wish I had set a budget earlier in the planning process and waited on asking my bms since we’re having a long engagement.

 
10.
Mrs. Hermit Crab
Bee
Mrs. Hermit Crab (message)  3,566 posts, Sugar bee

yay for Fro Yo back on the blog :)

 
11.
KayMeiBee
Member
KayMeiBee (message)  156 posts, Blushing bee

One big don’t I totally shouldn’t have done is ask my ushers so early… Now I’m 10 months from my wedding and I am barely friends with one of them. Alas, I’ll survive, but I’m sure it’ll be awkward on the day of.

 
12.
Mrs. Jellyfish
Bee
Mrs. Jellyfish (message)  1,450 posts, Bumble bee

This is such a great post. I wish I had seen it when I was in my early stages of planning, woulda saved me a lot of headache!

 
13.
ERL501
Member
ERL501 (message)  51 posts, Worker bee

I wish I would’ve had the ‘Bee and your advice back when I started my planning! I totally could’ve used the tip on not booking vendors too early, ugh :(

 
14.
jgoulart
Member
jgoulart (message)  1,069 posts, Bumble bee

Wonderful tips! I could have taken advantage of a few of these two years ago. Haha!

 
15.
photographernico
Member
photographernico (message)  527 posts, Busy bee

Great advice for the newly engaged and those just starting planning!

 
16.
Guest Icon
Guest
The Date is Set!! 4th Annual Anna Maria Island Chamber Wedding Festival! | Bobye Loves Anna Maria Island

[...] Best of the ‘Bee – Newly Engaged Dos and Don’ts (weddingbee.com) This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged 12-hour clock, Anna Maria Island, anna maria island weddings, beach wedding, Facebook, Island wedding, Relationships, Save the date, United States, Wedding, wedding on anna maria island, wedding on the beach, Weddings. Bookmark the permalink. ← A Tale Of Two Condos… Both Just Minutes to Everything, Including the Beach [...]

 
17.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Frozen Yogurt (message)  2,685 posts, Sugar bee

@that girl: Oh man, yeah I think the bridal party is one of the hardest parts sometimes!
@feministbride: Yes! You do have so much time, but I know how it feels to be so excited, I couldn’t wait to plan!
@Mrs. Hermit Crab: Aww, thanks. :)

 
18.
Mrs. Buttons
Bee
Mrs. Buttons (message)  5,046 posts, Bee Keeper

Gah, I remember this post and I remember thinking how I wish I would have written it myself! Such good advice ;)

 
19.
Guest Icon
Guest
mmsva

The best thing I did was make a list of everything involved with a wedding—dress, flowers, cake, color, theme, location, food, music, etc. Make sure to go down to the littlest detail like escort cards and bathroom baskets. Also try not to group things—instead of dress and accessories, list out—dress, shoes, veil, hair flower, bracelet, necklace, earrings. Then I picked a top ten, not in order, just the top ten most important. From that list, I picked the top 5, still not in any order. Then I pick my top 3 and put those from most important to least. That helped me priorities my time and money. My top 3 were food, location and photographer. With my budget, I knew I wouldn’t be able to follow the standard % listed on some sites. There was no way I could get a photographer in my area for 10%-20% of my budget. I knew I had to pull from other areas like stationary (which I found on Zazzle, but didn’t look like traditional invitations). This also helped when I found something or an idea on a wedding site that I ‘had to have’. Over the long haul it’s very easy to get sucked in to the ‘machine’ and lose track of what you really think is important. (But also realize that your priorities might change as you go through the planning process, so periodically reassess your original list.)

Don’t think your wedding needs to look like the photos in magazines and blogs. No one will think less of you if your escort cards are plain ivory card stock you ran through your printer. Again, refer to your list of what is important.

Keep in mind that no one will be as impresses with your DIY as you think/hope they will. They might like it and may mention it to you, but for the effort and time it feels like it should be non-stop compliments. Keep in mind that DIY may not save you any money. (If you don’t already have the tools, it can get expensive. And without the right tools, DIY is just a pain!) Only do DIY if you like the process of DIY. In the end, I realized all that mattered was that *I* loved my projects and I loved *doing* my projects and what anyone else thought didn’t really matter.

 
20.
Guest Icon
Guest
Shix

My first mind was to hold off on asking bridesmaids, but I gave in to pals who wanted me to rush and do it. As a result, I ended up asking a few folks to be in wedding party who can’t do it, they are pregnant and will be able to pop around the time that the ceremony is. I planned to wait until it was about 7 months out, that way if they were not pregnant at that point, they would still possibly be able to be in the wedding.

I really wish that I had stuck to my guns and waited to officially ask until it was fewer months before the ceremony so that I would not feel some sort of way that I lost so many folks that I originally thought would be able to be in the party. It is awkward to ask someone else, it is obvious that they were asked to fill in the space of someone who could not.

 
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Mrs. Frozen Yogurt
Mrs. Frozen Yogurt

Mrs. Frozen Yogurt, Dallas Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader Engagement Date: March 19, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.

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