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I’m going to be honest here and I hope that I don’t offend anyone. But if, after we’re married, Mr. S and I ever receive a wedding invitation addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Hisname Sloth,” I’m going to be kind of irked. Yes, I know that that’s the traditional way to address a married couple on a wedding invitation, but it’s a tradition that I’m not a fan of.
First of all, I’m not even planning on changing my last name. And I’m not even planning on becoming a Mrs.! I want to be Ms. Sloth after the wedding. And what about my first name? I’m not Mrs. Hisname Sloth. I’m me! I would never make a big issue out of receiving an envelope addressed to Mrs. Hisname Sloth, but I wouldn’t like it.
Since I’m a firm believer in the Golden Rule, I’m going to address our invitations to our guests the same way that I’d like to receive one.
A married couple who share the same last name will see “Jane and John Smith.” Couples who have different last names will see “Jane Smith and John Jones.” Miss Manners may not approve, but I just don’t care!
How are you planning on addressing your envelopes—the traditional, formal way, or some other way?
Same exact thing. I hate “Mr. and Mrs. HisName”… and I actually am changing my name but I still have a first name!!! All our invites read John and Jane Smith and if people think its not formal enough, well, too bad.
i actually can’t wait to be mrs. his name! i guess i’m more traditional than i thought i would be.
I could have written this post word for word! My mom gave me a guest list full of “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”- I had to go back and ask her for first names for the women I didn’t know. She probably won’t like the way the invites go out, but oh well.
I’m so glad you posted this. I am changing my last name, but I agree with the PP I still have a first name!! I have been wanting to not address them as Mr. and Mrs. Hisname but have read so much negative things about addressing the envelope any other way than the “traditional” way. You have given me the strength to do it how I want!! Thanks!
I completely agree. I think the whole Mr. Hisfirstname Lastname thing is very dated and reminds me too much of the idea of women as property. We addressed our invites the same way you’re planning to.
I did the same exact thing. I’m changing my name, but am not a huge fan of the Mrs either. In any event, what I really can’t stand is the Hisname part… so I didn’t do that at all.
I think many people won’t notice that you didn’t do the Mr. & Mrs. John Smith to be honest. I think people do it because it’s now habit more so than that they care. Even my grandma didn’t notice. She was like… it’s an address, so long as it gets to whom it’s supposed to get to… all should be fine!
And I have to say… my grandma… is a smart lady!
We’re also doing “John and Jane Doe.” We’re mostly inviting family and we’re not having a five-star affair so I don’t feel we need to be so formal. If we were doing black-tie, that might be different.
I also did not change my name. Anything addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast is getting returned to sender. I mean it.
I understand brides are busy, but if we were able to find out people’s first and last names during my 1L year of law school and his intern year of residency, there are no excuses for anyone else.
I agree to some point. But I think by stating “If after we’re married Mr. S and I ever receive a wedding invitation addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Hisname Sloth,” I’m going to be kind of irked.” you’re kind of setting yourself up to be irked. You know it’s going to happen. Some people are Traditional some are not. Nothing wrong either way. unfortunatly; it will probably happen.
You summed it very nicely and I feel the exact same way. We haven’t had many weddings in our family anyway and no one is really concerned with the supposedly “proper” way to these things. So I will taking the exact same approach that you have when it comes to addressing any of my stationary.
@DemoDreamer: You think there’s nothing wrong with addressing an envelope using the INCORRECT name? This isn’t a case where she’s Jane Smith being addressed as Mrs. John Smith. Her name is Jane Sloth.
To each their own! But I do have to say…..
chicagobride092010—those who do the Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast do not do it because they are lazy and can’t find time to put both names…they (most likely) do it for tradition and formality.
It’s lazy to not get someone’s last name right. If it’s addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the woman’s last name isn’t Smith, it’s not right. It’s also not the proper or traditional way to address the envelope in that situation. So it’s lazy.
I addressed them all the traditional way, and quite honestly, if I had to be concerned if anyone was offended at the way they were done and told me about it, I’d be equally as miffed. If I KNEW they wanted their names seperate that would be one thing, but for the most part, almost all married women took their husband’s names. The one that didn’t made for a huge looking address(envelopes are only so large and I did them in calligraphy), so I’m glad I had extras to use to practice. Addressing invitations takes a decent amount of time to do handwritten and to make sure everything is lined up, so I’m glad I had only one ‘non-traditional’ one to do. Writing Mr. & Mrs. is a huge timesaver!
I am taking FI’s surname, but I also hate the “Mr. and Mrs. (his first name) (his last name). I agree! I have a name too!!! (I am not a feminist by any means either!)
I will be addressing my envelopes as:
Mr. (his name) and Mrs. (her name) (last name) -if they share the same last name
and Mr. (his name/surname) and Mrs. (her name/surname -if they have have different surnames.
For my Save the Dates, because they are with Christmas cards, I just did first names and last names and non Mr/Mrs/Ms.
I did them the non traditional way and included both first names. I feel similarly — the old way is antiquated and I’m just as valuable in this equation as the mister. Plus, I’m likely the one picking out the gift so putting my name on the invite is in a couple’s best interest. =)
Thanks, Sloth! I love this post! I’m changing my name but will be a Ms. after marriage. Our invites will go to “Mr. & Mrs. John & Jane Doe.” I’m dreading getting mail that says “Mrs. John Doe.” That’s the worst!
@chicagobride- I never said that I didn’t think it was wrong. I said it probably will happen anyway; because some people are traditional and wouldn’t know if you didn’t change your name. They will assume you stuck with tradition & changed it. It might not be right; but unfortunatly; that’s how people are.
I’ll raise my hand and say that I addressed our STDs with Mr. & Mrs. Hislastname, and it was mostly out of laziness. I didn’t do it to offend anyone, but I didn’t have the time to look everyone up. The exception to this is for people that I knew did not use their husband’s name. But if I didn’t know them well enough, I deferred to the traditional.
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Ms. Sloth, Philadelphia Age and Occupation: 35, Account Manager and Fashion Blogger Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Design Admin Engagement Date: December 25, 2009 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Bartram's Garden About Me: I'm an internet junkie and music snob with a good eye for a bargain. I couldn't live without thrift store shopping, cheeseburgers, sushi, Coke Zero, websites devoted to silly photos of baby animals, Photoshop, and Mr. Sloth. Speaking of which, he and I are a pair of goofball homebody nerds who love our beagle (the most ridiculously adorable dog EVER) to an embarrassing degree. We're planning a low-key and intimate yet festive and quirky outdoor wedding with DIY details and deeply personal touches, and it's all taking place in the city where we fell in love and call home: Philadelphia.
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