Weddingbee Blog

This “looking back” series really got me thinking: what did I used to be like in life and love, and how have I changed to be the person I am today?

I had an awesome time in high school. I had a great group of friends, most of whom I’m still close with today (the bridesmaids in my wedding!), and I was always either dating or crushing on some boy. I played volleyball and softball and was involved in a lot of extracurricular activities—very Type A.

sophomore year

High school was also when I had my first real relationship.

We were together for 5 years, and I was totally the girl who went to college still dating her high school boyfriend. Not to imply that high school relationships can’t work out (we’ve got plenty of high school sweethearts in the hive!), but I think we can all agree that the odds are certainly stacked against you.

Ah, senior prom. That’s A, one of my bridesmaids!

There were certainly some good things about that first relationship, but now, as an adult, I can see how flawed it was. For starters, our goals in life were completely different. He was they type of guy who was uncomfortable with the fact that some day I might make more money than him. He discouraged me from advancing my career, and tried to talk me out of applying to medical school on more than one occasion. He also hated the idea of college (hey, it’s not for everyone - that’s fine), but I had to continually hide things from him. He hated that I went out and had fun, it made him incredibly jealous and angry when he’d find out.

senior awards banquet

so excited and ready to go to PSU!

On top of that, I was not really “friends” with his friends, and he flat out didn’t like most of my friends (other than a few rare exceptions). Don’t get me wrong, we were cordial with each other, but not really friendly.

Between the incessant jealousy and general lack of support, I eventually grew tired and became a really bad girlfriend. I keep even more from him, started really enjoying myself while out without feeling guilty (a bad sign), and just plain old fell out of love with him.

It was difficult at the time, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I was able to be single for awhile and have fun in college, and eventually, I met the man who is now my husband.

So what is different about my view on love and relationships?

Well, I now realize the importance of friendship and trust in a lasting relationship.

When Burger and I met in college, we became study partners, close friends, and confidants. His relationship with a long-time girlfriend had ended around the same time mine did, so we talked a lot about our failed relationships and what went wrong. Our friendship blossomed into crush, then into like, and quickly after into love, and I think that is what makes our bond so strong today. I always say that even if I am angry at him as my husband, our relationship is always still bound by our strong friendship, which means that I never stay angry very long, and that we are very good at discussing our problems when they arise.

In addition, our relationship is supported by the amazing people in our lives. As I mentioned during my recaps, his friends and family are a huge part of my life, as mine are of his. Our friends even get along with each other! It’s incredible. It seems so simple, but when you’ve never experienced it before, it really is the best feeling.

Finally, Burger is the antithesis of jealous. He is so NOT jealous, that for the first year of our relationship I had doubts about his feelings for me! I continually thought he didn’t like enough me because he wasn’t jealous if I wore a short skirt or danced with a guy friend at a party. That’s how messed up my head was from my other relationship—I thought jealousy = love. Now that I’m a mature adult, I can see that security in your relationship = love, and jealousy is just a catalyst for arguments!

I’ve also changed in life. I’m embarrassed to say it, but I was kind of awful in high school. The current me probably would have really disliked the former me. I thought that my group of friends and I were the best things since sliced bread. I still think my friends are the best people ever (!), but I mean I acted the part back then. We lived in a small town, and I let the fact that I was smart and decent at sports and involved in a lot of activities go to my head.

Once I got to college, I realized how ridiculous I had been. Everywhere I looked people were better than me at EVERYTHING (duh!). It was an incredibly humbling experience, and my personality changed really quickly. I am still proud of my accomplishments, but I am very, very in touch with all of my many flaws, and I feel really badly for ever acting snobby in high school!

How have you changed in life and in love?