Weddingbee Blog

If you read through my posts (which I am *so* sure you will do immediately after reading this post), you’ll see that I am the bottom of the barrel when it comes to being a wedding blogger. I am neither crafty nor DIY inclined, but worse yet, my posts don’t even have a ton of inspiration or research for you. Practically useless! However, the biggest kick I got out of blogging was being random and sharing some humor during the often hand-wringing process of wedding planning. While my earlier posts started on the straightforward and narrow, at some point I veered sharply into attempting to be funny and entertaining. Whether I succeeded is questionable, although I sure got a giggle out of the whole thing. Wow…where am I going with this. Anyway, this is one of my favorite posts because it’s perfectly random—it doesn’t share anything useful with readers, doesn’t reveal anything interesting about my wedding, but I love it anyway because I think I’m so damn funny.

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Get it? Get it? Today I’m talking about trains!

Betcha thought this was about me getting a yummy pair of Jimmy Choos, huh? Well no. Although perhaps that would have been a way cooler post.*

Back to choo-choo. I didn’t think much about the train in purchasing a wedding dress, but then I found so many lovely photos you can get with a train. And guess what I realized? Your train can be pretty demanding. It refuses to be left out, and bulldozes its way into every phase of the wedding. Needy, needy train, about to bore down with frightening might and speed on your wedding.

The train getting ready, *without you*. I mean, the TRAIN has its own getting ready pic?

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[train speaking:] Bow to me. ’Nuff said. And someone get me a steamer. Bitches.

The train elbowing its way into your bridal shots:

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Lady, you and your damn shoes are getting in the way of my photo. And if that heel gets anywhere near me I swear to…

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Yeah, scootch over hon. Uh huh and don’t crinkle me either, lift that butt up.

The train crashing your first look:

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Huh, you think that’s *your* man? Well guess what he’s really looking at? Yeah, me! He’s only pretending to be excited looking at your face-he’s really just pumped that in a few seconds he’s going to get to reach his hand around your ass and feel me up.

The train tagging along at the ceremony:

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Daddy always liked me better. You know it’s true. And just because I don’t have legs to walk on my own doesn’t mean that I’m not Numero Uno.

The train, front and center at your ceremony:

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OMG blah blah blah soooo boring.

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That’s right, bridesmaids, back the hell up away from my majesty-ness.

The train at your formal portraits:

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Who are these riffraff and what are they doing in my picture? Who are you people?

Your train breaking it down, at *your* reception:

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Look at me swish! Bride, nobody wants to see your face. This is my time!

And you thought the wedding was about you and your loved one. Aw, that’s so sweet… (look of pity)

Anyone ready to flaunt their train?

*Nowadays I feel like we hear all about the Louboutins and to a certain extent the Manolos-what happened to Jimmy Choo? Where are you Choo fans?