They’re Called “Priorities,” Not “Magic Extra Time Bubbles”

They’re Called “Priorities,” Not “Magic Extra Time Bubbles”

November 29th, 2010 @ 4:11 pm by Mrs. Prairie Dog
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One of my biggest pet peeves, in wedding planning and life, is the One-Upper. When you mention something in casual conversation, and they have to take it a step further. It’s worst when it’s a fellow bride. She asks about your invitations, and you mention that you’re doing them yourself.

So she says, “You’re designing your own invitations? Oh, I did too. I have a PhD in graphic design, and I’ve been featured in MSW seventeen times. My invitations are being letterpressed by Oprah, with calligraphy by the guy who did Angelina Jolie’s tattoos. We’re putting confetti inside the invites, only it’s not confetti—it’s real gold shavings.”

The only thing worse than a Penelope is person who says: “Oh, I wish I had time for that.”

It’s always said in the most patronizing way possible. You know—the type of girl who always has so much going on. “OMG, I’m so swamped with work right now, and I’m volunteering, and I’m blahblahblah. What’s that? You’re designing your own invitations? Oh, I wish I had time for that.”

Last time I checked, everyone on the planet has the exact same amount of time.

24 hours in a day. 7 days in a week. Yes, most of us work at least 40 hours a week. Some people also go to school. Or have kids. Maybe all 3, I don’t know. What I do know is that we make CHOICES for what we do with our time. When you say “Oh I wish I had time for that,” what you mean is: “I don’t budget the time I do have for it.” It means it’s not a priority for you. And that’s FINE. But should we really make another bride feel bad for putting time into the details?

There are a lot—a LOT—of wedding things that I’m simply unwilling to make time for. I have as much time as the next person who works full-time…but I just don’t care enough to spend my spare time on it. I already have a few beloved ways that I spend my extra time, and I’m not willing to sacrifice them for wedding crafts or whatever. But if I come across a bride who is devoting her spare time to thoughtful little details, I would never, EVER try to tell her that I don’t have time. I am just lazy. That is what I would tell her.

Have you encountered any One-Uppers or OMG-I’m-so-swamped types?

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48 Responses to “They’re Called “Priorities,” Not “Magic Extra Time Bubbles””

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Member

MissMeg (message) 353 posts, Helper bee

I really enjoy that you made a Penelope reference.

11/29/10 @ 4:18 pm (reply)

Member

dance (message) 1,607 posts, Bumble bee

Oh you are SO right! I am lazy! Ok sure, I do have a lot going on too, but it isn’t like I don’t have time for the things that I say I don’t have time for! (Does that make sense? Haha!) It is just that I would rather lie on the couch sometimes than actually do something productive. But more than anything this post has made me want to rethink my current schedule and actually get stuff done that needs to get done. Thanks Miss PD - you always have such motivating posts!

11/29/10 @ 4:18 pm (reply)

Member

KassieD (message) 40 posts, Newbee

Oh I have definitely encountered some one-uppers (although I don’t quite agree with you about the time thing…but to each her own right?). The one-upping is so annoying, brides should be excited for each other’s details…bc the one thing we do share is excitement (about most things) regardless of our personal taste.

I think my bigger pet peeve though; are those brides who moan and groan about how they’re on such a tight budget yet they’re buying five pairs of Jimmy Choos because they can’t decide on just one, don’t make a thing themselves to cut cost, and just want want want everything. I mean, even Donald Trump has a budget, I know that…but I think EVERY bride can understand the term “a bride on a budget”….DOES NOT mean someone who’s spending the going rate for a wedding right now (between 35 and 40K).

11/29/10 @ 4:22 pm (reply)

Member

Encore (message) 680 posts, Busy bee

It irks me because it always comes off as “Well, clearly I’m way more important and busy than you. Sorry, I have a life.” So yeah, then I’m all mad and stuff.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to scrapbooking class. Which I’m sure everyone would do if only they didn’t have lives. Like me.

11/29/10 @ 4:22 pm (reply)

Member

SuperShopper (message) 866 posts, Busy bee

Agreed!! I am the girl that spends my “extra” time on wedding details like handmade centerpieces and DIY invitations and I really hate it when people look down upon it. I choose to do these things b/c I enjoy them but there have been plenty of negative comments — so annoying!

11/29/10 @ 4:23 pm (reply)

Member

PinkPinstripes (message) 1,654 posts, Bumble bee

YES. Omg…I despise one-uppers. I think sometimes other brides or friends don’t realize they are doing that, they are just excited about their details and want to discuss them too.

I dislike the reverse one-uppers too. They are the ones that will say, “Oh, at so-and-so’s wedding this weekend, she DIDN’T have XYZ… but I guess that wasn’t important to her”… And XYZ is some minute detail that nobody but another bride would notice and sometime I want to say- just because one thing is important to you, doesn’t mean it is a “standard’ to hold all other weddings accountable too.

11/29/10 @ 4:25 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Brooch (message) 1,721 posts, Bumble bee

Yes!

11/29/10 @ 4:31 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

I am so glad I didn’t know anyone IRL that was planning while I was, I’m sure I’d be a lot less nice about these things. I am guilty of constantly saying, “I don’t have the skills for that!” because I don’t ;D

11/29/10 @ 4:32 pm (reply)

Member

linkkm (message) 62 posts, Worker bee

LOVED this post

11/29/10 @ 4:37 pm (reply)

10.

Member

Miss Sand (message) 13 posts, Newbee

I second miss brooch…
super yes!

11/29/10 @ 4:38 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

paloma

THANK you. i seriously can’t handle the “i have no time” argument any longer.

11/29/10 @ 4:38 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Falcon (message) 96 posts, Worker bee

Your post made me laugh. You are right, that is the absolute worst thing when people make you feel like they are more important than you and have way less time.

11/29/10 @ 4:43 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Mrs. Octopus (message) 1,446 posts, Bumble bee

Yesssssss. You are so right about this.

11/29/10 @ 4:45 pm (reply)

14.

Guest

jennifer

that being said… it doesn’t sound patronizing, i would think its more that you are the lucky one who gets to enjoy more time planning your wedding and attending to all the details that we all wish we could…

11/29/10 @ 4:48 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Mrs. Socks (message) 1,323 posts, Bumble bee

WONDERFUL post, PD! Can’t tell you how many times I’ve lamented this to myself, and you said it perfectly!!

11/29/10 @ 4:49 pm (reply)

16.

Member

moderndaisy (message) 6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

OMG my good friend is a TOTAL one-upper AND a know-it-all on top of that! She’s not even dating anyone and seems to ‘know’ more about planning a wedding than me. Its actually making us drift apart slowly sadly, I can’t have a conversation with her anymore that’s even remotely about me

11/29/10 @ 5:45 pm (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Panther (message) 1,046 posts, Bumble bee

Hate the one-uppers! I do admit, I think I’ve said “I wish I had time for that” before, but not to a specific bride — just in general, because I wish I had more time than there IS in the day!
@KassieD: Maybe I’m being paranoid, and if I am, feel free to ignore this comment, but if you’re talking about me, I just want to point out that I never claimed to be a “on a tight budget.” I think I once said that I couldn’t afford an event designer, which is true, and I also briefly “moaned” about having to share decision-making duties with my in-laws. Not really the same thing.

11/29/10 @ 5:50 pm (reply)

18.

Member

sarahcisme (message) 346 posts, Helper bee

Hahaha! “real gold shavings…” I seriously laughed out loud. THANK YOU for this post and for pointing out that yes, everyone has the same amount of time in a day, week, year. It’s all about priorities, and of course every bride’s priorities are different!

11/29/10 @ 6:06 pm (reply)

19.

Member

missbiscuit (message) 1,050 posts, Bumble bee

Preach it, sista.

11/29/10 @ 6:16 pm (reply)

20.

Member

KassieD (message) 40 posts, Newbee

@Miss Panther: Oh my gosh, not at all. I think I’ve seen a few on here…but from the past, no one current. More like those girls on Bridezillas and Platinum Weddings! Sheesh. I can’t take them anymore Please don’t think I meant you, I already told you that wasn’t how I meant my initial comments to your one post.