Weddingbee Blog

This is my phrase when I am met with wedding skepticism or nay-saying. I know that people don’t mean to be critical, but when something doesn’t mesh with their idea of a wedding, they seem to need to tell me. I numbed to it quickly and chose a default response: TRUST THE VISION.

I don’t mind hearing the opinions of others. In fact, I welcome opinions and often ask for them. It’s just that some things are already decided, so hearing an opinion after the decision has been made is annoying and even a little rude, in my opinion. People have launched into full-blown explanations of why round tables are better than banquet tables, why black suits aren’t the right choice, how they did thus-and-so for their own wedding…and it obviously worked out better.

I secretly felt like a brat for being so bothered by this. After almost a few months of being engaged, Mr. PD and I got in the car after visiting with people. The second he closed his door behind him, my fiance—the most laid-back, even-keeled dude I know—said:

“Do you have any idea why people have to tell us their opinions like they’re facts?”

I told him I sincerely had no idea. He wasn’t done.

“If we ask for them—tell us. If we don’t, it’s because we have already decided!!”

I let out a huge sigh of relief that I wasn’t being a brat for feeling irritated at this practice. And if I am a brat for it, at least we’re a pair of brats united. That’s what marriage is all about, right? Or something.

We used the rest of our time in the car to craft a dialogue plan.

Naysayer: “I just don’t know that I would pick black over charcoal…”
Us: “I would.”

Naysayer: “I’m not sure if banquet tables are the best choice.”
Us: “I am.”

Naysayer: “I like the shape, but…you don’t like the champagne color, do you?”
Us: “I do.”

And thus, two word responses. That’s all it takes. We no longer launch into descriptions of The Vision or long explanations of why something works. We’re not going to change our minds, so it’s a waste of breath. We just make it clear that we do, in fact, mean what we are saying and move along.

Have you experienced doubt/confusion/skepticism about your choices? How do you deal with the nay-sayers?