Some thoughts on PWD

Some thoughts on PWD

December 1st, 2010 @ 11:36 am by Mrs. Meerkat
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A little while ago I read this article from The Guardian talking about post-wedding depression. It really got me thinking. Was something like this going to affect me?

Some thoughts on PWD : wedding riviera maya Roller Coaster 291x300

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For some of us, a wedding is like an amusement park with one AMAZING roller coaster and nothing else. No really, it is! You wait in line, the whole time anticipating what’s to come. Then you finally get on the ride, and this huge excitement builds as you climb that first hill. Finally, you get to go down the hill—it is so amazing it’s hard to describe in words. You finish out the rest of the short ride loving every minute of it. But then the ride is over, and what do you do next?

I know that’s kind of a grim analogy, but really for a lot of people this is exactly how it feels. And to be honest, I can totally relate. When your life is consumed by something, other things get pushed aside until there is nothing left but that one all-consuming thing.

And I have to admit, at first I almost let myself do this. I can’t tell you the number of Friday nights I wanted to bail on Mr. Meerkat and our friends for our usual dinner-and-a-movie get together. I even considered not coaching my robotics team this fall because it would be so much to do close to the wedding. Thankfully, I never gave up either. I tried to keep my life balanced with some things wedding but also with things that I love outside of weddings.

Up until last weekend, I thought I had failed at accomplishing that balance. What happened last weekend? The kids’ robotics team I coach attended their regional competition. They didn’t advance to the next tournament, so our season is officially over. And you know what? I am bummed! What should have been relief that I could now focus on the wedding actually came as a bit of sadness. Now all I want to do is start getting ready for next year’s competition. I have 10 million ideas floating around in my head for robotics and none for the wedding.

Don’t get my wrong. I am so excited to get married, but all those little details that seemed UBER important when we got engaged seem small now in the overall scope of things. These last few little projects I don’t have done just aren’t important enough to be at the top of my priority list anymore. Does this mean I have found that balance?

I would love to know how you are trying to combat PWD.

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13 Responses to “Some thoughts on PWD”

Member

beebot (message) 10 posts, Newbee

I graduate from Grad school the very same day that we get married in May (bad planning on my part) and I’m going to be a teacher so if I get a teaching job, it won’t start until August/September. I’m worried too that I’ll suffer from PWD if I let myself have nothing to do next summer after the honeymoon so I’m going to try to have a fun summer job lined up for me to start when we get home from the honeymoon. Hopefully I can find something where I can be active and or outside and that will be enough!

12/1/10 @ 12:06 pm (reply)

Member

doublepuglove (message) 51 posts, Worker bee

I definitely suffered from PWD for a good two months after our wedding. I felt lost without having projects to work on and deadlines to meet. Plus, all that excitement was gone! I just didn’t feel like doing anything at all, even stuff related to our wedding (ordering photos, etc.) Things finally started to pass after I decided to give our dining room a makeover for Thanksgiving. I took my time picking out the color and painting, and then made it my mission to find the perfect window treatments. It turned out great and made me start thinking of all sorts of things I can set about accomplishing over the next year. I was pretty surprised how hard the PWD hit me, though! Brides beware!!

12/1/10 @ 12:08 pm (reply)

Member

PitBulLover (message) 8,322 posts, Bee Keeper

PWD only lasted for a little while for me. It was a combination of having nothing to plan, losing the spotlight, having regrets about certain things on our wedding day, wishing I could have taken a picture with this person or spent more time with that person….but after time I got over it. Over 3 months later and I would say life is 100% back to normal but better than ever because I’m married and I still love to look at my wedding photos! I also still need to get prints made and make an album so it keeps me occupied!

12/1/10 @ 12:09 pm (reply)

Member

KassieD (message) 40 posts, Newbee

Um, well I have PWD pretty bad. I really though it would not happen because a lot of our wedding planning…was a nightmare. I thought I’d be thrilled it was over. I was thrilled for sure, but there’s still this depression that I won’t describe for lack of space.

To be honest, I’d love members’ ideas as well. I’ve read about starting some projects and I love crafts but everything I can think of costs some money (i.e. things to buy to make, materials and what not) which I can’t spend because I’m about to go back to school and make the drastic change to PT work again. Anything that may not be too expensive does take time…and my husband has become pretty much non-existant when it comes to help around the house…so my time is spent cleaning up the mess we created the week before our wedding (which I’ve finally done almost 60 days later), getting out thank you cards (done), and making space for our gifts…(still working on). I’ve read about making plans…planning dinners, parties, etc…but I’ve moved around a lot and because of that…I don’t have any friends closer than 3,000mi away.

So this is what I do. Weddingbee (and another blog that no body reads), which has been very helpful I must say…however, I definitely need more. So please, please, any advice I would greatly appreciate as well…I’m drowning here. Just drowning….

Thanks Ms. Meerkat for this post…hopefully it can help me as well.

12/1/10 @ 12:09 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

I thought I’d be all good, just happy to have everything over because things got so crazy and stressful. Turns out I HAVE PWD! I want to wear my dress again. I drink in every detail of Kate Middleton and Prince William because I want to be a bride again. I want the thrill of wedding day back, everyone saying how gorgeous I am in my dress and saying “Congratulations!” It is WAY harsh and I had no idea it was coming! But, to be fair, I think it’s because I am unemployed right now and all I do is sit around and think about my glory days

12/1/10 @ 12:40 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Elephant (message) 6,182 posts, Bee Keeper

I’m trying to prevent by having another big thing to look forward to. Once the wedding is over it’s time to start the house search. I hope that will help me fill the time after the wedding.

12/1/10 @ 1:18 pm (reply)

Member

Bubu82 (message) 1,223 posts, Bumble bee

@KassieD, hang in there. I am also in school and only working part time, and the pinch it puts on your spending is tough to deal with.

For me, something I love is reading, so I have been a huge library-goer lately. It’s free (provided you don’t forget to turn something in on time!) and if the local branch doesn’t have a book I want, I can request it from another branch, so I can pretty much get almost any book.

Other crafts that can be inexpensive are ones that involve using recycled goods, like old glassware or pretty paper. For example, if you like origami, you could use wrapping paper that you already have around the house, or even some junk mail ads, and just look up different folding techniques online (or in a library book! :).

Other things you might think about doing are volunteering, or starting a club or joining a club at your school. These would both be good ways to meet new people, too, since you are in a situation where your friends are all pretty far away.

One thing it sounds like you definitely should do is talk to your husband, if you haven’t already done that. Maybe he doesn’t realize how you are feeling; if you tell him, then he can be there for you and help you out more, like with getting through all the post-wedding tasks & cleanup. Sometimes even just the act of talking to your significant other about how you’re feeling can be helpful. So if you haven’t already, please do! It will help!!

12/1/10 @ 1:28 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Meerkat (message) 3,216 posts, Sugar bee

@KassieD: Oh hon! I am so sorry PWD hit you.

I totally second Bubu82 on the volunteering. My robotics team keeps me moving that is for sure! I know in our town there is an organization that list volunteer oppositeness from all the different organizations in the area (and one thing I learned real quick is that if you have in interest in something there is an organisation for it). That is actually how a couple of the mentors for the robotics team found us.

If you like crafts have you thought about volunteering at a local theater to create props? They supply all the materials and you can be as creative as you want. Plus you will get to meet some new, fun, out going people.

12/1/10 @ 1:35 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Meerkat (message) 3,216 posts, Sugar bee

oops I meant “list volunteer opportunities”. Stupid spell check.

12/1/10 @ 1:36 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Meerkat (message) 3,216 posts, Sugar bee

@Mrs. Glasses: *hugs* I think part of it is having that next thing to look forward to. Hopefully you will find a new job soon.

12/1/10 @ 1:38 pm (reply)

11.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

I have yet to experience it, in fact I think I am skipping over it, by focusing on furnishing/decorating our empty house.

12/1/10 @ 2:24 pm (reply)

12.

Member

nicoliolihpf (message) 230 posts, Helper bee

Oh, I am so going to have PWD. I already know. But hopefully I won’t have it bad. I think the hardest thing for me will be not blogging anymore, but at least I’ll have recaps to help me adjust, and I’ve got some post-wedding projects I hope will fill the void.

12/1/10 @ 2:36 pm (reply)

13.

Member

OctPumpkin (message) 593 posts, Busy bee

I was worried about PWD as well, because I loved planning every single detail of my wedding. But about a month before my wedding, I was done and ready for life on the other side. Maybe once I’m done unloading my wedding stuff or making my photo albums I will experience some blues but I don’t think so. Life is so great being married and you can carry that creative spark/detail orientation into other areas of your life.

12/1/10 @ 7:43 pm (reply)