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In my opinion, one of the most interesting things about wedding planning is how certain traditions vary from region to region. When I started reading the Weddingbee boards, there were a handful of things I’d never, ever heard of or seen at a wedding in or near Philadelphia. Dollar Dances? Jack and Jill parties?
I did an informal poll of the hive and was able to break down some of these traditions by region.
Cash Bar
This isn’t necessarily a tradition, but it’s definitely something that’s more acceptable in some regions than in others. I’ve been to a lot of weddings, probably 20 or 30, and I’ve only seen a cash bar once. That couple hosted beer, wine and a signature drink but the rest of the drinks were cash only.
According to my informal poll, cash bars were definitely most prominent in the Midwestern U.S.
Dollar Dance
The Dollar Dance (a.k.a. Money Dance, a.k.a. Honeymoon Dance) involves guests paying a bit of cash to dance with the bride or groom, and is a way for the couple to make a few bucks, possibly for their honeymoon. I’d never, ever heard of a Dollar Dance until I started reading Weddingbee.
These dances seem to be the most prominent in the Midwest and the South.
Bridal Portraits
A bridal portrait session is when a bride gets all done up in her dress with full hair, makeup, etc. and has a photo shoot, just for her.
Forgive me in advance for this story: A few years ago, a friend of mine went to her friend’s wedding in Texas. While checking out my friend’s photos of the wedding on Facebook, I saw that she’d taken a pic of a giant photo of the bride, on an easel, next to the escort cards. I remember thinking “She got all dressed up before the wedding just so that she could have a big photo of herself at her reception? How self-indulgent can you get?”
Like I said, forgive me. I had no idea that bridal portraits are a huge Southern tradition. From what I can tell, the vast majority of Southern women get bridal photos done before the wedding. It no longer seems self-indulgent to me; it just seems like an awesome little custom! And look how pretty Mrs. Fro Yo looks in hers!
Groom’s Cake
A groom’s cake is a less formal and sometimes very silly cake that goes along with a more traditional wedding cake. I had heard of this tradition before, only because of the “bleedin’ armadilla groom’s cake” in Steel Magnolias.
That movie takes place in Louisiana, and the groom’s cake is by far a Southern tradition, although it’s one that other regions have adopted. And that’s no surprise, since this tradition results in MOAR CAKE!
Jack and Jill Parties
Strictly speaking, a Jack and Jill party is just a couples’ shower. And that is becoming more and more common, I believe. But in some circles, a Jack and Jill is actually a way for a couple to raise money to pay for the wedding. Guests might pay an entrance fee or the couple might have some kind of 50/50 raffle fundraiser.
Having a Jack and Jill for the purpose of raising money is fairly uncommon, still, but it seems to be the most common in the Midwest.
And there you have it: the fruits of my informal and highly unscientific research.
Are you incorporating any regional customs into your wedding? Which of these traditions have you seen at weddings you’ve attended?
I love the armadillo cake in Steel Magnolias…the scene where the father of the bride gets the ‘butt end’ of it cracks me up every single time I see it! I’m pretty sure every wedding I’ve been to has had a dollar dance of some sort, and I’ve never been to one with a full open bar. It’s always free beer and wine, but the rest is cash.
What a fun poll! Though I’m starting to wonder where I’ve been - I’ve spent my whole life in the Midwest and attended a slew of weddings, but I have never seen a cash bar, dollar dance, or jack and jill. I actually thought jack and jill was a Canadian tradition.
SO interesting! I’ve never been to a wedding with a cash bar (or a dry wedding, for that matter) and only one that had just beer/wine. I’ve never seen the dollar dance (or HEARD of it before WB) and I’d never heard of doing bridal portraits either…Since I’m from the Northeast, I guess that about stacks up to your poll!
I’m from upstate NY, and I had never seen or heard of any of these things until I started reading WB. The funny thing is, though, that Mr. Octo grew up only two hours away from me in northeastern PA, and when I mentioned something about dollar dances to him, he was like, “oh, yeah, the dollar dance! All the weddings around here have them! Do you not want to do one at our wedding?!”
I suspect it’s because the Dollar Dance is common amongst people with Polish heritage, and there are a lottttt of Polish people in northeast PA.
I’m also from upstate NY and every wedding I have been to they do the dollar dance. But I didn’t hear of grooms’ cakes, bridal shoots or jack and jill showers until WB.
I am having a bridal portrait done, and we will be having a groom’s cake at the rehearsal dinner. I am from the South, where bridal portraits are de rigeur, but I have to admit even I was confused at first because I knew I did not want to have a huge portrait of myself at the reception. I am more using it as a means to try everything on and have a hair and makeup trial to make sure that my bridal look is 100% set and I dont want to change anything once I see it all together. I will probably also have a print of mine mixed in with all the family wedding photos on display.
Also, another reason why some people do bridals is so they have a photo that is ready to run in the paper the day after the wedding (Sunday in most cases). It is like the sports section for women in the South, and some people dont like to wait till they get their wedding photos back to have theirs run:)
@Miss Palmetto: Thanks for that insight. See, I’m still learning new stuff every day. So interesting!
Another regional trend I’ve seen is how the food is served. Being from the Northwest, sit-down buffets are very common, even for formal weddings. Having gone to school in the south with friends from the NE and the SE, I’ve noticed that seated, served dinners are much more common in the NE, and stations/heavy hor d’oeuvres are more common in the SE.
I’m from Minnesota, and I have only ever been to weddings with cash bars. Normally it is an open bar for the cocktail hour, then cash.
I have never seen any of these other traditions. I think my favorite sounding “exotic” tradition is PA’s Cookie Table. Mmm.
hmmm, I”m from Ontario. We don’t call them Jack and Jills, we call them Stag and Does. Essentially they are a fundraiser for the bride and groom. They are verrrry common and never thought of as tacky. Yet, we don’t have dollar dances and I can imagine if we did, people would call it tacky even though it is the same thing essentially. My grandma said that they used to have dollar dances back in the 60s and 70s, so perhaps stag and does have replaced that?
We had a grooms cake, but they aren’t common.
We did not do bridals but I think they are a great idea, a trial run, and another reason to wear your dress! Awesome!
I did not know that groom’s cakes were regional until I started stalking WB. It was just that every single wedding I’ve ever attended had a groom’s cake; I just assumed it was an essential part of a wedding.
And when my mom expressed that she thought having a dollar dance was tacky, my fiance was flabbergasted. We HAD to have a dollar dance, he said, all wedding’s in his family had dollar dances. And, he pointed out, how is asking for money at your wedding tacky? It’s just like an extra gift. He comes from a large, southern czech family and he’s under the impression it would be more offensive if we DIDN’T give people the opportunity to dance with us for money… So dollar dance it is.
I just assumed cash bars were everywhere, when the couple either didn’t feel alcohol was a big deal, or wanted it but just couldn’t afford it. And couples showers may be regional, but I’ve been to one and just linked that with more modern brides?
Well - I’d say your poll holds up. I’m from Texas and the regional south things you mentioned are definitely traditions where I’m from.
oh, and in regards to bars, we often have ‘toonie’ bars. (toonies are the canadian $2 coin) Guests pay $2 for a drink and the bride and groom pick up the rest.
I think this is 2-fold. $2 relieves some of the costs first of all. As well, an open bars ends up being a lot of wasted drinks not to mention really wasted guests. We have some strict alcohol sales and consumption laws in Ontario; if a guest drank a lot and harmed themselves, you can be held liable as the owner of the liquor license. A toonie bar helps with this as guests drink to let loose, not drink their face off. (yes, this is a wedding, and you could say that guests shouldn’t do this anyways, but they have and they will)
Im from the DC area - I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar (or dry), I had never heard of the dollar dance before coming on WB, I have never seen bridal portraits at a wedding, I got married in Georgia so people kept asking me about the groom’s cake and I had only heard of a jack and jill shower from WB!
Well Golley, I’m doing almost all those things, except the jack and jill party (which I wanted) and I’m in MARYLAND!
Growing up in the Midwest, I’ve never in my life been to a wedding with a full open bar. Either the bar is open for a few hours and then is cash, or the couple provided wine and beer, but the rest of the bar was cash. I know it’s a hot-button topic on the boards, and I’ve heard it described as shockingly rude not to provide an open bar for your guests, but I look at it the complete opposite way. I would never EVER expect the bride and groom or their families to pay my bar tab all night. It’s just something I’m not accustomed to.
I’ve seen the dollar dance at about half of the weddings I’ve been to, but I’ve never heard of a Jack and Jill shower. Certain customs definitely vary by region.
I am from Ohio and I have been to quite a few weddings in recent years and have only been to full open bars. I have seen the dollar dance at two weddings (and even 50/50 at one) and it was a little odd to me, however these weddings were really young people (very early 20’s) so maybe that had something to do with it? As far as Bridal Portraits and Jack and Jill parties those are new to me! I do like the idea of Bridal Portraits to make sure you are happy with the way you look…no one wants to look back at wedding pictures and see how awkwardly their hair or makeup photographed! It is a nice trial run!
Thanks for the poll, it was fun to learn new traditions!
I’m from MI and we have a mix of weddings. But most of my family’s traditions are dollar dance, chicken dance, garter dance, single bouquet toss, buffets and full bars. The whole polka dance thing has been pretty much phased out because not many know how to polka. But the last few of the younger ones has been cash bars and sit down dinners. I am personally going to do a buffet, full bar, grooms cake and maybe the dollar dance. But we are nixing the garter and bouquet toss because no one is single at our age. The jack and jill is done here. But they usually kick out the groom after his introduction. I would love to do a bridal portrait. My mom did it when she got married to my dad. You don’t have to worry about weather or stress of getting pictures done in a timely manner.
I completely agree about the cash bar in the Midwest. I’ve never been to a wedding here that has been without a cash bar. There usually is free keg beer but that’s it or wine (if it’s at a vineyard). But alcohol doesn’t seem to be a major importance at the weddings I’ve been to. I’m guessing because of the outrageous expense and midwesterners being more frugal.
The groom’s cake is becoming more popular around here though. I think this is changing due to couples making the wedding more detail oriented and personable.
Very interesting!
what an awesome post, sloth. i feel like i just took a class on wedding customs 
here’s what i know
money dances are HUGE in the filipino culture {my culture}. every filipino wedding i’ve been to has had a $$ dance, and while Mr. O and I aren’t having one b/c it isn’t really our thing, this custom can be fun because it gives guests guaranteed 1-on-1 time with the bride/groom.
cash bars - in the west, i’ve also been to quite a few weddings where the cocktail hour is hosted and after that it’s cash bar, with the exception of the champagne toast. i’ve always thought it was a fair compromise and Mr. O and I are doing the same thing
Groom’s cake {LOVE the steel magnolia’s reference! classic!}, jack & jill parties and bridal portaits - not a big thing on the west, as far as i’ve seen. but Mr. O would be thrilled if we had a funny cake for him!
Very interesting post… and I think you are right on! For reference, I am from the Midwest (Iowa/Illinois border):
As an adult, I have probably been to 12 weddings. 2 of these were totally cash bar, 7 of them provided beer/wine and the rest were cash bar, and 3 were open bar. The open bar weddings were definitely hosted by wealthy families.
Growing up, EVERY wedding I attended had a dollar dance. Recently I have attended a few without one (2?) and was confused by the lack of a dollar dance. I always look forward to the dollar dance!
I have never seen a groom’s cake, except for in the movies : )
I had a friend in college that was from Texas. She is the only one I have seen do a bridal portrait. Otherwise, I have never seen or heard of such a thing!
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Ms. Sloth, Philadelphia Age and Occupation: 35, Account Manager and Fashion Blogger Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Design Admin Engagement Date: December 25, 2009 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Bartram's Garden About Me: I'm an internet junkie and music snob with a good eye for a bargain. I couldn't live without thrift store shopping, cheeseburgers, sushi, Coke Zero, websites devoted to silly photos of baby animals, Photoshop, and Mr. Sloth. Speaking of which, he and I are a pair of goofball homebody nerds who love our beagle (the most ridiculously adorable dog EVER) to an embarrassing degree. We're planning a low-key and intimate yet festive and quirky outdoor wedding with DIY details and deeply personal touches, and it's all taking place in the city where we fell in love and call home: Philadelphia.
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