Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Jaguars are planning a traditional wedding—I’ve put it out there enough for the entire universe to know that by now, right? That being said, one of the best things about having the Internet (and the hive!) at your disposal is being able to incorporate more modern aspects of wedding planning into your day, no matter what its theme. Modern, snazzy things make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Unfortunately for us, they just don’t seem to be fitting in well with our wedding. I’m finding myself coming up against quite a few roadblocks when discussing planning with some of the key members of our family—particularly my future in-laws. Here are a few options that have been shot down in flames so far:
Save The Dates – What’s the point? Mr. Jaguar’s parents thought I was hilarious for mentioning these and actually laughed at a sample magnet I had made up and stuck proudly on our refrigerator door in our apartment. They’ve indicated that they have already told most family members on their side to keep the date free, so why bother sending cards?
Videographer – Apparently this is something that is a big etiquette no-no for the Jaguar-In-Laws. Their reasoning was that they’ve seen them used in other cousins’ weddings where they bothered the older guests, got in the way, and made people uncomfortable. This is the first I’ve head of this happening—but they’re really adamant that people will be less than impressed to have a professional filming the wedding for us.
Bridal Registry – Not done on Mr. Jaguar’s side of the family. Say what? Again, we’ve been told that the “done thing” is to just let the parents on either side know what you’re looking for, without naming specific brands or prices, so that people don’t judge you on what you’re putting on your registry.
Photobooth – Nobody would use it. It’s too modern for the older family members and only the young people would be interested in using it, therefore it’s a waste of our money.
Wedding Website – Guests wouldn’t get enough use out of it and would go to the parents of the couple for information anyway. While my friends and family are pretty tech-savvy, Mr. Jaguar’s are a lot older and likely wouldn’t view it at all.
Now those opinions aren’t coming from Mr. Jaguar or me, and at the end of the day it will be us making the final decisions.
There will be some things that we will definitely be sticking to our guns on and doing anyway. The definites at the moment are the save the dates and the bridal registry. I don’t care if people use them or if they still go the parents for additional advice—I want them anyway. The wedding website idea has been shelved (quite sadly, I might add) because I knew how much work I’d want to put into it, and it would be a waste to spend all that time on something that only a small percentage of our guests would make use of. I did query getting a photobooth for the reception, but for the cost of hiring one, it just doesn’t seem worth it. I think I’ll try and use a different way of capturing images of guests instead, but that’s still up in the air. As for a videographer, well, I don’t know. It’s not a MUST HAVE for me, even though it seems to be more and more common these days. (And, er, I bawl my eyes out every time I watch a trailer made for a newly married couple. Seriously.)
Am I being snarky if I admit that I kind of wish the opinions weren’t quite so free flowing this early on in the game? Tell me I’m not the only one coming across so many barriers to having a traditional wedding with a few modern elements as well.
Oh hon! I read the one about the videographer and gasped. I have never heard of that happening.
I wasn’t going to get one either but then it was like kismet and everything I read was a bride saying how she wished she had gotten a videographer or a bride saying how happy she was that she did get one because the day flew by in such a blur.
Maybe it’s the wedding blog-world affecting my view of things, but I think not having save-the-dates, a videographer, or a bridal registry is very UNtraditional!
Get a videographer! I am so happy we had one for at least our ceremony. Just make sure you find one who doesn’t get in the way/in people’s faces. The last wedding I went to, the photographers (2) were horribly in the way, and the flash and their constant buzzing around the couple was very distracting.
I had the same thing said to me about photobooths, and our guests LOVED it! Even the staff at the resort complimented us on such a “creative idea!” Forget what they think and go with your gut.
I think they are expressing a LOT of strong opinions at this stage and they are restricting you from things you will treasure for the rest of your life!
Creating a wedding registry with my husband was so fun and we remember those silly days in the stores very fondly, being totally bewildered by which China pattern to pick. And guests expect them today. Only a very small minority would be offended!
Save the dates? Well — okay, save money not sending them to their side. YOUR side might expect them! Fine that they tell people the date. What if people forget? It’s nice to have something in writing.
And videographer — if that’s important to you, you must have one or you will regret it forever.
And finally, only a few people went to my wedding website but I loved it, loved making it, and I don’t mind at all spending the time on it for just a few people. This is your only shot at making a wedding website.
And no, you aren’t the only one facing these barriers, but stay strong. It’s great to respect your in-laws in some ways. For instance, my in-laws wanted to invite more people, while I wanted a smaller wedding. I let them have the people because it meant something to them. But that’s different than them telling you that you cannot have something important to you. Don’t let them take the fun and joy out of your wedding!
Just throwing my 2 cents in but I think you should do the 5 things you’ve got listed….especially the videographer!!! As time goes by, I think you will regret listening to your FIL’s advice! Maybe don’t share too much of the planning with them so they won’t shoot it down. There are some wedding websites that don’t require much work to set up…and many ways to cut the cost of a photobooth. I say go for it all!!! 
Wow.. talk about negative-in-laws! lol! At the end of the day its your wedding honey… do what YOU want. Im fortunate that my parents nor his have been this way. The only thing my mom has ever stood against was the veil I tried on with the dress I bought. She didn’t like it.. but she also said if I liked it..to get it. The only reason why Im not hiring a videographer is because you’ll watch it a few times and it’ll never be watched again.. a whole lot of money for that. However..if you really want it..do it. Or, you can do what I did. I asked one of my friends to video tape the ceremony and just a few pieces here and there. Free wedding gift! I did save-the-dates.. and I think its totally worth for out of town guests. In my case, its a destination wedding..so most are coming from out of town. It gives your guests time to plan! Bridal registery is to each their own. My FH and I did a honeymoon registry and our guests can give money in incraments of $10 to different excursions and things for our honeymoon. Just an idea…
I say read Miss. Prairie Dog said yesterday on her “How To Respond To Naysers” post if they say do you really need a videoagrapher? say i do Do you really need a photobooth? say i do haha FI and I really loved that post!
These are the suggested responses I was told to memorize when starting the planning process for My big day ( & groom but mainly mine- haha) It might be a long reply but Ive used them already.
copy & paste & memorize:
“Thanks so much for your input about the wedding! I’m still in the information-gathering phase, but I’ll keep your ideas in mind and let you know when I’m ready to talk more about it all. Whether I decide to use your ideas or not, it means so much to me that you’re as excited about this as we are!”
“That’s a great idea, but I’m just not sure it fits with what we’re envisioning for the day. I love you and so appreciate your ideas, and I hope you can respect our decisions even when we choose to go for something different than what you suggested.”
“Sometimes I wish we could get married twice so that we could integrate all your great ideas, but since we only have one wedding, we’re having to make some hard choices … including not doing some of the things you’d suggested. Thanks in advance for being so understanding — wedding planning is more difficult than I’d expected, and your patience with me as I stumble around trying to figure it all out is super appreciated.”
Be snarky. Be snarky all you want. It’s YOUR wedding, not theirs. I can’t believe some of their opinions…I mean really, no registry? I actually gasped as I was reading this. Sending positive thoughts your way, and I’m certain your wedding will be wonderful no matter what.
Definately go with everything you want if you can afford it. It’s YOUR wedding, not theirs. I too have received weird faces or rude comments about ideas I have for our wedding, however, I’m still doing them all, because I want to. We only have one wedding, and it’s costing us a pretty penny, so it will be (hopefully) exactly what WE want it to be!
My videographer opinion…
I didn’t have one and I regret it.
We chose not to have one b/c it wasn’t a must have for me, we spent that money on getting a better photographer instead, and I had some family members who had had experiences like your in-laws with intrusive videographers.
I wish now that I had just gotten one to set up a stationary camera and record the ceremony, even if nothing else. No chance that it could bother anyone if it didn’t move in the back and the ceremony was my favorite part of our day and it went so incredibly fast and I was so lovestruck that it is all a little blurry to me now!
Just an opinion from the other side!
Both our sets of parents didn’t really see the point of save the dates either – ‘But we’ve already told everyone!’ was the reply from both sides. We decided we wanted to do it though, so people have that physical reminder as well. Plus, it gives us a chance to use our engagement photos!
Both sides were also way more accepting of the photobooth idea than I expected too.
While I was planning my wedding, I often wondered how much time people back in the day actually spent on their wedding compared to now because they were so simple…That said, the most important thing I learned was DO WHAT YOU WANT – or else you will regret it…Get a videographer FOR SURE…And the wedding website? You might be surprised about who ends up using it. I was. Also, it may cut down on people calling for info…
If you can’t get a videographer, ask a friend to videotape it from their seat with a real videocamera (not a iphone). Buy the camera if you have to! You can always have it edited later professionally, or edit it yourself. We did this & love our video.
We got the same exact sort of reply about our Save the Dates from my FILs too. I was really upset about it for awhile, because I thought it was a wonderful idea (and way to use our engagement photos). In the end though we had our Save the Dates and I didn’t get a single negative comment about them in the end.
I have completely stopped discussing wedding details with the FILs other than to tell them what step we’re on and what we want to do. I no longer ask for opinions (even though they still get volunteered on opinions). Everything that we want to do is a waste of money or just something too “different” for them to understand. They also remind me regularly how hardly anyone from their side of the family will be able to come since it’s in my home town.
Go ahead and do what you want though. This is your wedding and if you want a wedding website for your family and friends (and a something you can put on a disc and remember later), go for it! That’s what we did and I don’t regret it at all!
Jaguar.. GET a videographer… I didnt.. and its the biggest regret 
I cant even remember with clarity what happened.. everything was a blur and the videographer wasnt my highest priority too like you….
Stick to your guns!
WHOA-ho-ho-ho-ho! Hold the phone!
They need to get a grip. First of all, who are they to stop you from having a wedding website? If you want to make one, make one! You’re a grown person and you’re not asking them to pay for it.
Everyone else covered my reactions to this well so I won’t get all into it. I do have to say that of all of these, the most bonkers (ok after the website) was not having a registry. I call BS that your in-laws are going to go around telling people what you want. What, are they going to memorize a list? Have a registry, girl. It IS traditional and it is not greedy and it helps your guests out. They don’t want to worry about getting the right thing.
OMG. Please have a registry and a website. This is crazy.
you know, my parents didn’t know much about these traditions either. but we did STD’s, have a videographer and a registry {or else we’d end up with a room full of crystal punch bowls!} our biggest hurdle was the fact that we weren’t getting married in a church…but we got through it!
if the videographer is in your range, i think you and mr. jag would be so happy with it. if not, i’d bribe a good friend or family member to do it for you during the ceremony
Mrs. Jaguar, Sydney Age and Occupation: 27, Primary School Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, IT Consultant Engagement Date: August 8, 2009 Wedding Date: June 2011 Venue: Curzon Hall About Me: I'm an Australian girl who is a self-proclaimed nerd, loves all things stationery and would be lost without books, music and the internet. Mr. Jaguar and I have been together for the past eight years and he finally popped the question last August. Hurrah! We currently live in Sydney, Australia with our adorable cat who thinks he's a person. We're a couple who likes to multi-task: we've been planning a wedding abroad, a permanent move from London to Sydney, and preparing to build our own home all at the same time. Travelling makes me giddy...as does Mr. Jaguar, of course!
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