Weddingbee Blog

We got married at 10 AM. Originally I didn’t realize this was a big dream of mine, but once Fancee agreed to it, it seemed like no other time could possibly have felt right for me. The air was crisp; we both wore sweaters right up until we walked in for the ceremony. It was perfect. Also, I couldn’t (and still can’t) imagine having to wait all day for the ceremony; I don’t understand how you’re not just nervous all day. Maybe you are. As it was, I hadn’t eaten much at all in the two days leading up to the wedding, and I was relieved to be able to jump right in.

So here we are, ready to go.

Our minister Ellen welcomed everyone and talked a little bit about the importance of marriage. Then Fancee’s best friend gave a reading (that is my brother’s serious face, not an angry face—don’t worry!):

Why I Wake Early, by Mary Oliver
Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who made the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety -
best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light -
good morning, good morning, good morning.
Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

I can tell you that in her head, she’s all, “Wow, we’re really doing this, and it is wonderful. We’re getting married! And you look really pretty.”

I know that because it was what was going through my head, too.

One of my oldest friends (we’ve known each other for 21 years! Crazy!) read next:

Prayer for a Marriage, by Steve Scafidi
When we are old one night and the moon
arcs over the house like an antique
China saucer and the teacup sun
follows somewhere far behind
I hope the stars deepen to a shine
so bright you could read by it
if you liked and the sadness
we will have known go away
for awhile - in this hour or two
before sleep - and that we kiss
standing in the kitchen not fighting
gravity so much as embodying
its sweet force, and I hope we kiss
like we do today knowing so much
good is said in this primitive tongue
from the wild first surprising ones
to the lower dizzy ten thousand
infinitely slower ones-and I hope
while we stand there in the kitchen
making tea and kissing, the whistle
of the teapot wakes the neighbors.

That friend got married three years ago; it was an honor to be in her wedding, and it was really special to have her be a part of our wedding, too. An enormous part of what made our wedding so spectacular were all of the people who appeared to support us. Here is some advice I have, because I’m married now so that means I know things: invite the people who are important. You can invite people who aren’t, too, just don’t forget the people who are, even if they live a state or two away or even moved to stupid Chicago or stupid California or stupid other far away places.

I know these recaps are a little scattered: it’s because I can’t quite capture exactly what happened that day, I can’t describe exactly the feelings I felt or what I saw or the truth of the day, so I’m just letting it pour out the way it wants to pour out. Maybe at the end it’ll all make sense, but in the meantime you can read some really good poems and look at some pretty pictures.

We picked these poems because they spoke to things that felt important to us, which is probably why most people pick the readings they pick. We chose the first poem because 1. we love Mary Oliver like crazy (and! She was a lesbian! Extra points for her.), and 2. it was the perfect way to express the joy that we felt at this day, this time, and the fact that people were willing to wake early to trek out to Littleton to witness and support our commitment to each other. Plus, I really do like waking early. We chose the second poem because, I think, it speaks to the difficulty of marriage; it will not all be easy (the sadness/ we will have known go away/ for awhile). But I do hope that someday, when we are old, we will have known sadness and we will have survived the sadness and we will still be making tea and kissing each other in the kitchen.

I like to think that every piece of our wedding had a piece of our marriage in it, or inspires a bit of our marriage in a very real way. Here is where it all started, here is where it was all embodied.

Ahem. Next up: the rings.

Did you have readings that felt really meaningful to you? How did you find them, and what made them feel so important?

(Before this, we had a nice evening and rehearsal, and then we got ready.)