Registry Reservations

Registry Reservations

December 10th, 2010 @ 11:42 am by Ms. Sloth
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I love, love, love shopping, but for some reason, the idea of registering for wedding gifts doesn’t excite me in the least.

Registry Reservations : wedding philadelphia registry Registr Registr

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Part of it is that Mr. S and I have already been living together for five years, and we basically have everything we need. Sure, there are some things we have that are old and could be replaced, but we don’t need anything new. We’re doing fine.

The other part of it is that the idea of saying to our guests, “Thanks for coming, and by the way, here is a list of stuff you should buy us” makes us both feel really uncomfortable. It gives me a really oogy feeling in general. What? It’s a word! For realz.

So we were ready to skip the registry, when a recently married friend of ours advised against it. She said that people are going to buy us gifts no matter what, so we can either register and get items that we’d like, or not register and risk getting items that are unnecessary, duplicates, or just not our taste.

Plus, when looking at it from a guest’s point of view, I like having a registry to work from. I’ll usually just give cash as a wedding gift, but if a bride is going to have a shower, I like to have some direction in the form of a registry.

And so we registered. Without leaving the house! We worked online to set up some registries to make things easier for everyone.

1. Bed, Bath and Beyond. We registered for a few basics here, since it’s a national chain that anyone could shop from very easily. There are a couple of big-ticket items on here (a Le Creuset set, a KitchenAid mixer), but most of the items are very affordable, like towels, sheets, etc.

2. Anthropologie. Technically, you can’t have a registry though Anthro, but you can put together a wish list. We’re not really expecting anyone to buy us anything from there, but we figured it was worth a shot. Their trinkets are just too pretty.

3. Traveler’s Joy. This is a honeymoon registry, where your guests can contribute money to your honeymoon fund. We would be able to use the money any way that we wished.

4. I Do Foundation. This is a site that allows you to set up a charity registry. The charity we selected is the Human Rights Campaign, which is a civil rights organization working to achieve gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender equality.

And so the couple who was reserved about registering ended up with four registries! I’m still not crazy about the idea, but our guests will buy us gifts no matter what, and this will make things easier for everyone.

Did you have any reservations about registering? Where did you register?

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17 Responses to “Registry Reservations”

Member

bebefly (message) 1,348 posts, Bumble bee

The idea of registries make my skin crawl.
yuuuuuuuuuucccck.

I REALLY don’t want to do one at all, but yet again, FI’s preferences seem to dominate. He wants a honeymoon registry. I worry that people will find it tacky, won’t use it, or judge us for not asking for nice household stuff (we’ve been living together forever, and while it’s not super fancy stuff, we do have everything we need. And to be honest, I really don’t care what my pans cost or what they’re made out of as long as I can make edible food in them.)

We’ll probably register at honeymoonfund & bed, bath and beyond as a more traditional choice. I made FI promise I can fill it with various Yankee Candle scents and sizes

12/10/10 @ 12:01 pm (reply)

Member

Lo (message) 538 posts, Busy bee

I am personally excited to register because I love kitchen and home stuff and what we have right now is just a collection of leftovers from college and hand me downs. We just moved in together last month so it makes sense for us. However, I do agree that it is a little weird to tell people what to get you but I like buying off the registry for others and since people expect it I guess I’m ok with it.

12/10/10 @ 12:03 pm (reply)

Member

PuntaCanaBride (message) 1,183 posts, Bumble bee

I’m in the same boat…just dreading the registry. We live in an apartment and after the wedding we plan on buying a condo. We just honestly don’t have room for “stuff”. I think we are just going to do a honeymoon registry and a picture registry from our photographer. My mom thinks we should still do a regular registry but I so don’t want to.

12/10/10 @ 12:12 pm (reply)

Member

tomboypink (message) 783 posts, Busy bee

I totally feel ya. I think it depends on where I am in life. If I was getting married in my 20s and still had all my old college, second hand stuff I would be okay with it. But now that I’m in my 30s and have accumulated new, better quality items I don’t really have much more that I could ask for (well I could always use more sheets or towels). I have the crockpot, the coffee maker, the stainless steel toaster so I wouldn’t know what to ask for. I think the honeymoon fund is a great idea, but I feel hesitant about that as well - will folks think I’m begging them to pay for MY vacation???? The charity registry is an awesome idea - never heard of that before -and it’s something I will definitely put on my list when (if) the time comes.

12/10/10 @ 12:22 pm (reply)

Member

mightywombat (message) 3,311 posts, Sugar bee

I want to make clear before I say any of this that I am totally not judging registeries, and I always assumed I would have one (and was very excited about the idea!). I never think twice about it when friends of mine register. If I sound at all defensive, it’s because, well, I guess I am - people have really been harassing us about it.

We’re not registering, because my FI feels really, really strongly against it. It’s been harder than I expected, though, because we’ve been getting SO much pressure about. I never dreamed people would feel so strongly, even using really moralistic language to pressure us into registering. (”You’re being so inconsiderate of your guests!”) This has, ironically, solidified my commitment to not registering.

Our response is that we don’t feel right about dictating to people A) that they give us something or B) what to give us. Many of our friends are grad students and have no money, and just coming all the way across the country is a huge sacrifice. We’re making clear that we absolutely don’t expect gifts. (On our website, I wrote “Your love, good wishes, and company are the best gifts we could hope for! No others are necessary.”)

Further, maybe I’m really old fashioned, but I’ve come to feel like registering takes some of the meaning out of gift-giving. I would rather have something someone put thought and love into choosing or making, even if it doesn’t match my own style, than have someone feel obligated to give us something just because we’re getting married, go to a website, and click on a toaster they don’t care about at all. To me, that makes it feel like it’s just the price of admission, not a personal impulse. Maybe it sounds ridiculous (I’ve been told as much already) but we just don’t want our marriage celebration to be so…transactional, so directly linked to the expectation of getting a bunch of stuff.

It helps that we’re having a smallish wedding, and all the invitees know either FI or me very well. (No aunts/uncles, parents’ coworkers, etc.)

Ok, sorry for the essay! This issue touches a nerve for me, and I totally sympathize with the uncertainty about what to do.

12/10/10 @ 12:22 pm (reply)

Member

vtbride2010 (message) 152 posts, Blushing bee

This is definitely a heated topic around here lately. I can see the registry ‘issue’ from both sides. I am a pro-registry! It is totally the norm up here - in the north east - to create a registry (ies) when you get married. I have probably been to about 20 or so weddings over my lifetime and the couple has been registered somewhere - at least one place - every single time! It is, culturally, what I grew up with, so it’s very normal, expected and personally I LOVE shopping off a registry. There is something about printing off that list and knowing that the bride and groom - together- personally chose every item on that list. It’s an awesome thought that something I buy them will be part of their married lives forever!

Ms. Sloth - I love, love, love the idea of signing up for a charity as part of a registry. I have never seen that before. What a very clever idea!

Great post - as always! I’m getting married in May too - so I follow your posts to make sure I am on schedule for everything!

12/10/10 @ 12:23 pm (reply)

Guest

Craig Kerstiens

We registered at a few places, but all were pretty large national chains. Since so many of our guests were out of town we had to make sure that the stores that were near us were near them as well. We went with:
Williams Sonoma
Pottery Barn
Macys

In the end Williams Sonoma and Pottery Barn were great, Macy’s was the most difficult. Their stock/inventory seemed to change quite a bit and made fulfilling partial sets of things pretty hard.

After the fact I’d heard about a site that I wish I’d known about at the time, RegistryStop (http://www.registrystop.com). It was a little nicer than some of the sites that just list all of your registries in one, since they let your guests find things at the best price. We had a couple of guests that asked if they could buy things at a different place and us check them off, which worked out okay but was still a bit of a hassle.

The charity registry does sound like a great idea, I hadn’t heard of anyone doing that before, would love to hear what your guests end up thinking about it.

12/10/10 @ 1:02 pm (reply)

Member

sweetkate (message) 697 posts, Busy bee

I just wanted to say I have the Martha Stewart blue Kitchen Aid mixer and blender. And I absolutely love them.

12/10/10 @ 1:31 pm (reply)

Guest

piesky

Pretty much one of the first questions we have been getting from family/friends who are invited is: where are you registered? We just did but when we told people we hadn’t yet they would say, let us know where! And ask again next time we saw them, so we finally did register. It’s not a big deal to us. They can buy or not buy us presents, that is not important to us. Having a registry is not saying “hey you have to buy us stuff, and this is the stuff you have to buy.” i would much rather buy something for a couple off their registry because I know that it is wanted/needed and will be used.

12/10/10 @ 1:41 pm (reply)

10.

Member

SadieBee (message) 771 posts, Busy bee

I can understand the discomfort with registering, but I’m definitely pro-registry. I don’t see it as demanding gifts, but as providing guidance about what we want and what we like to the loved ones who WILL buy us gifts either way. Also, I’ve been to weddings with friends before and seen the off-registry gifts that people have bought….and I’m sorry, but I really don’t have use for a giant white heart shaped picture frame. I get it, hearts, love, weddings, but it’s not our style at all and would probably end up sitting in a closet. I much prefer to get a gift that I know the bride and groom personally chose and really want.

12/10/10 @ 2:15 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Mrs. Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

I think your married friend put it best. You’re going to get presents, you might as well get what you like! I wasn’t crazy about the idea of registering but I’m very glad we did in the end, since now I have all this awesome cookware/servingware/home goods that we didn’t have before!

12/10/10 @ 2:19 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

Meghan

We just did a small registry. Once everything was gone, we didn’t add anything. A few guests mentioned it to us, but we stuck to our guns and kept it as is, and they ended up giving us cash (or nothing. But honestly, I’d rather have a nice card than something I won’t use).

One tip I have is to not open something until you’re absolutely 100% sure you’re going to keep it. I opened all the stemware immediately and chucked the boxes… if I’d kept my head on I probably would be returning or exchanging half of it. Oh well. Wine for everyone!

12/10/10 @ 2:20 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Rubies (message) 862 posts, Busy bee

I don’t think the issue is with registering itself, it seems to be more with how the registry information is conveyed.

I think having a registry is great for when people ask: Where are you registered? Miss Sloth’s choice of registering across a few places is great and, though I think I might feel uncomfortable about the honeymoon one, she has really tried to give her guests lots of options.

I think especially the Human Rights Campaign is a great wedding registry to help raise awareness that all love should be celebrated and respected.

12/10/10 @ 3:00 pm (reply)

14.

Member

Ms. Barbell (message) 4 posts, Wannabee

We just started doing our registry. We, however, haven’t lived together and are living with hand-me-down, dollar store and Walmart mismatched kitchen appliances, silverware, bed and bath stuff, so we are definitely in need of new stuff. My biggest gripe is that it is just SO overwhelming to go into a store and say “Ok, these are the cookware/utensils that I will absolutely need” and to do this all at once seems a bad approach, I’m more the type that gradually acquires items i need…ugh…but it must be done…

12/10/10 @ 3:30 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

Danielle @ InDeesKitchen

OMG! you’re crazy LOL! i say all the time how i want to get married JUST to register. i’m kidding, of course, but there are just so many lovely kitchen gadgets that I’d love to have!

12/10/10 @ 5:03 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Mrs. Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

We reaaaaally needed the stuff because we left everything in Japan, and I think our guests understood that. If you’re unsure about registries, I think BB&B is the right choice!

12/10/10 @ 5:27 pm (reply)

17.

Member

OctPumpkin (message) 593 posts, Busy bee

We did two small registeries at Target and Macy’s, mostly for shower gifts. Then we did a honeyfund registery for our honeymoon. It was a huge hit! For our wedding, we mostly got checks or honeyfund donations, so it worked out. Those that wanted to give us something of their choice did so and I promptly returned (most) of it We stressed over registry choices and in the end, didn’t get any negative feedback. We have lived together for five years and didn’t need a lot of normal wedding gifts. People understood that.

12/10/10 @ 6:15 pm (reply)