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The bane of my existence. I loathe you guest list. Can I let you all in on a little secret? Our room’s maximum capacity is 275. That’s asses to elbows, tiny dance floor, please don’t bump into the cake table, capacity. We would have liked to invite 275 and hope for a luscious 250 to attend but we can’t cut the guest list any more. We’re currently inviting about 295 people. It feels a little bit like playing wedding roulette.
Here’s the deal though—that is our bare minimum wedding. I am one of 30 first cousins on my father’s side. My mother has 4 siblings, all of who have grandchildren. I could count my cousins on that side, but I’m not about to. We’re almost on third cousins there. The thing is, I see all my family and love all my family. Zeb has the same thing. You can’t really throw a rock in town without hitting one of our relatives.
We also refuse to cut the children we are close to. We’re not having age rules, although most kids who can’t eat solid foods are persona non grata on the old guest list. Zeb and I love children. I also used to love being excited for a wedding as a little girl. The children (at least the girls) might be our most excited guests.
Unfortunately, we’ve had to cut in some places, and this is where the guest list gets hair-pullingly frustrating.
As a side note, you’ve all been to weddings where +1s wear skimpy dresses, mismatched heels, Miss USA 87 hair, and apparently—no underwear. I like to call these girls “nipples.” Why nipples? Because one time I saw a +1s nipples—at a wedding—because she was so drunk sitting on the lap of a guy who was not the same one who brought her to the wedding. No nipples at our wedding!
No offense, hunny—but not at our wedding, please!
Nipples aside, we’ve had to cut +1s for some of our guests. I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of judging how serious someone’s relationship is, but we had to do it. It’s not fun and I’m sure we’ll get a few exasperated eye rolls. Hopefully we won’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Our justification is that we could invite someone we love rather than someone you’d love to get laid by.
As I said before, cutting all children was never an option. What we did have to do was avoid making all or nothing rules about children—no age limitations or first cousins only. Basically, if junior isn’t invited, I’m sorry—no rules—he’s just not invited. Enjoy your evening without the little one.
So here we are, still 20 people over our maximum at the bare minimum of close family and close friends. We’ve got peeps, yo. Lots of peeps.
How have you narrowed down you guest list?
I had a similar issue. We cut anyone who hadn’t made an effort to talk/hangout/see us in the last 2 years… prior to getting engaged. I know it must be hard to cut. You want all the people you love around you for one day.
Good luck!
I am having an awful time with guest lists too. I come from a large greek family and they ALL expect to be invited. That being said I fell in love with a beach side old hacienda ceremony site that only sits 180. 180. Out of my 275.
I’m praying praying praying that people plan to travel to Greece next summer so they can’t come >.<
I’m a terrible person. lol.
We did the same as @Monument and yeah, cut plus ones unless they were in a relationship over a year or living together. It’s tough but at the end of the day it’s just more stress at your wedding to have strangers at your wedding, you know?
Oh my god. A couple of months ago, I went to a wedding where a girl was wearing pretty much the same dress, except for with less boob showing and, dun dun dunnn…in white! I spent more of the evening than I should have saying not very complimentary things about her.
Also, the thing about the young girl guests being the most excited reminded me of a cute story from my wedding. The most excited child was my cousin, a boy, who is about four. He followed me around for much of the night, smiling up at me and trying to ‘pet’ my dress. I couldn’t figure it out until my aunt explained it to me by crouching down and telling him, “tell her what you want to be when you grow up” and in his little lispy voice, he responded with a grin, “a prince”. He thought I was a princess! I melted on the spot. 
Sorry, I know that is off the subject, but had to share. Good luck with your guest list–I have over 30 cousins as well and the packed house felt more warm and wonderful than crowded!
“Our justification is that we could invite someone we love rather than someone you’d love to get laid by.”
Best.Sentence.Ever.
Ahh this is my current PITA too! FI has a BIG family that for some reason feels that it is absolutely necesarry to invite distant realtives like his grandmother’s sister’s grandchildren — really? Anywho, your “Our justification is that we could invite someone we love rather than someone you’d love to get laid by” comment just made my day!!!
I feel so much better about having to cut my guest list after reading this.
I joke that I won’t make ‘new’ friends until after we are married.
I’ve narrowed my part of the list down. Unfortunately our parents have not BUT I am making them pay for their friends. Harsh, but honestly, half of my mom friend’s get me confused with my sister.
The guest list definitely gives me hives and makes eloping sound very tempting!
ps. My cousin’s +1 is SO going to wear a dress like that. I can bet on it.
if it makes you feel better, you’ll probably have way more declines then you’d expect! our venue could hold about 160 comfortably but we couldn’t cut our guest list below 200. i was so worried we’d have about 175 there and would be pushing it, but we ended up at 159! ha! also, don’t feel bad about not including some +1’s, we did the same thing. just be aware you might get some people adding a +1 anyway (the bane of many a brides’ existence!). So my advice there is don’t be afraid to call any offenders and let them know they were not invited to have a +1! Def don’t be shy about that. Other than that you should be fine
p.s. the nipple thing cracked me up! i have never experienced that but i can imagine it! so funny
@Julefay: Kids are the best sometimes. At my cousins wedding last month, my nephew was one of the rare males permitted into the inner sanctum while the bride got ready. Being a 5 year old he volunteered his honest impression of her “in-progress” hair as “you look funny.” He managed to redeem himself with his (again unprompted) comment on her appearance prior to going downstairs “you look like a princess!” Out of the mouths of babes…
Although I do have to say as a waiting bee, eliminating +1s does make me sad. The vast majority of weddings I’ve been to have been a plane trip away - I can only think of 2-3 local weddings I’ve attended (local being a stretch, anything of up to 3 hours driving distance…). I would not be thrilled be invited for a long distance wedding sans my boyfriend. One, I want my friends to meet him and get to know him and two, it’s not so much fun to travel away for the weekend by myself. Some people also don’t like to go when they will only know the bride and groom. I probably would have still gone but it would have made me sad. I know budget dictates the rules sometimes, but you also want your guests to make your guests feel welcome. I think the proper thing to do ettiquette-wise is to invite - and then hope like crazy they are civilized enough not to actually bring the gal from the bar. And if they do…you love your friend for who they are (the groom told me once they weren’t sure if one of the people sitting at my table was a “professional” or not…but that’s who he was, a salty former sailor that they wouldn’t want to change).
We’re in the exact same boat. We invited 230 people to our wedding, and our reception venue has a capacity of 200. maybe 205. Realistically, we would prefer to keep the numbers in the 180s-190s range. However, invites went out a week ago, and our current guest list count is this:
Yes - 61
No - 2
We’re getting nervous…
Wow. I don’t even KNOW 300 people i’d want to share my wedding with. Maybe that’s the upshot of moving a ton as a kid and living far away from family - less permanent roots meant that I have a small core of good friends, and a smaller wedding (which was our speed - been to huge weddings that were a blast, too!)
Being a waiting bee I find the +1 thing to be a bit controversial now I understand if they are not in a committed relationship and you just don’t want them to bring a casual date but if they live together then you probably shouldn’t leave there date out. I live with my bf and if I was invited to a wedding and not him I probably wouldn’t go unless it was family because he is my family and if you want me you got to take him.
We got rid of +1’s and children to cut down on ours. The plus one is such a tricky thing. We based it on if they were dating for over a year or living together they would be invited, so anyone under that criteria was cut.
One of our friends who had been dating this guy for 6 months got engaged…the invite had been sent a month prior to that and he was deffinitly not on it.
An akward email ensued after their engagement saying “blah blah can come”
blahhhhh *laugh*
I am standing here right with you - I have so many first cousins! We cut +1s for anyone who isn’t dating someone seriously… wish we could cut a few more of them!!
The guest list was the single hardest part of wedding planning, and (I hope) it will stay that way! Luckily, I have a tiny blood family (seriously- no living grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins). FI’s mom has 8 brother’s and sisters (plus their spouses) and his dad has 5 plus spouses. However, he’s not close to any of them and didn’t want them at the wedding. So we made a rule that no one is invited unless they’re close to at least one of us.
Even so, we’re crossing our fingers for at least 10 -14 “regrets.” We’re having it at my mom’s house, and if it rains, it will be TIGHT. Our ideal number would probably be 60, but we couldn’t get the list lower than 78. Eeeps! Fingers crossed it doesn’t rain!
We have the same huge-families issue! We’re definitely going to have to be pretty stingy with the +1s.
@His Lil SantosGirl: I know, I’m hoping for some unexpected vacations too!
@Mrs. Glasses: Oh, I know. I wanted to include everyone but then I realized I’d have to cut family and have 40 strangers there. That always puts it into perspective.
@Julefay: That is the cutest story ever! I love kids. You spend the night talking about them… we take bets on who will be the first to leave with someone. :0)
@L @ thekindbride: I feel like such an awful person when I think about new friends coming into the picture and how they effect the guest list. You are SOOOO not alone in that.
@Kemi82JP: We “respectfully reserved 1 seat for you” is on the RSVP. :0) I hope no one pushes it.
@kay01: @miss-cupcake: I realize it is controversial which makes the cutting of the guest list so hard. For us, there are no hard fast living together (etc.) rules. If they are in a relationship they are most likely invited. I’m mainly talking about single people who don’t have someone specific. You’ll realize (and I’m not trying to be condescending at all, promise) when you’re planning that it is a fine line to walk. I certainly do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make anyone feel awkward or unimportant. However, with us, inviting someones +1 means we’d have to cut someone WE love. It’s all in the perspective, fo’ sho’.
@bunnylovesbear: I’m thinking good thoughts for you guurrrrrl!
@crayfish: I often dream about my other, more intimate wedding. hehe I couldn’t imagine it any other way though. Go big or go home as the new Miss Pancakes says.
@Baileyh: AWKWARD! :0) I live in fear of having to do that… oh by the way- you’re important enough to bring someone! Love, Zebra
@tarabonistall: Me too!
@mightywombat: I’ll be singing Blind Melon and hanging rosarys outside for you!
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Mrs. Zebra, Providence, RI Age and Occupation: 24 Marketing/Costume Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26 Management/Firefighter Engagement Date: December 12, 2008 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: The Providence Biltmore About Me: I'm a small town New England girl with an affinity for procrastination, crossing the proverbial line, and putting her foot in her mouth. I'm a lover of history, all seasons, sewing and Incubus. I design costumes on the side for my old high school's theatre department, which is where I met my sexy man. Our motto for our Big Fat Lebanese/Portuguese/Irish near-300 person wedding is "the more the merrier"! We are marrying in a Catholic ceremony and are hammering out the details of our Victorian-inspired reception.
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