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I know from reading an excessive amount of wedding blogs that what guests wear to a wedding can be a sensitive issue. Wearing white is a huge no-no, tight and revealing clothes that draw attention seem to be problematic as well. I’ve even heard that wearing the same colour as the bridesmaids isn’t the best idea.
I have to say, I really do not care what guests wear to our wedding. From my understanding, brides are often concerned about what others are wearing because they don’t want attention to be drawn away from them or, in the case of the white dress, they don’t want others to be mistaken for the bride. Here’s the thing: I’m the bride, almost everyone at our wedding is very familiar with what I look like, and if not, they’ll probably clue in during my walk down the aisle. No matter what, it’s pretty hard to take the attention away from a bride.
I also don’t particularly mind if people’s attention is drawn away from me every so often.
Basically, unless everyone sits there loudly whispering about what someone else is wearing during the ceremony, I’m good. White dress, no problem. Cleavage, whatever. Belly-baring (hilarious!), but meh. Frankly, if someone arrived in a full on wedding dress, I think I’d find it very funny that that person was so clueless and self absorbed (and then I’d make fun of them later with all of you!).
Cleavage and belly-baring awesomeness:
When I began writing this post I thought there wasn’t really anything one could wear to my wedding that I’d be even slightly offended by, but it turns out that’s not true. If someone shows up to our wedding in a sweatshirt—while it certainly won’t ruin my night—I will still be a bit offended that they felt this is an occasion to wear a sweatshirt.
Not appropriate wedding attire:
All that being said, I personally would never wear white to someone’s wedding because I know this is a very sensitive issue for others. I don’t ever wear super revealing clothes, so that’s not an issue.
Where do you stand on this issue? Where do you draw the line for your guests’ attire?
I’m 100 percent with ya, Knitting. Even if a guest wore white, would it really be the end of the world? Would people really get confused about who is the actual bride?!
I’m totally with you on this. Any of our guests can wear whatever they want, as far as I’m concerned.
I’m with you on this. I mean, even if someone is wearing something totally embarrassing, they’re embarrassing themselves, not me. And if you want to wear white? Okay, that’s fine, I’m wearing ivory.
Im with you on this too. I had a few guests wear cute white sundresses/cocktail dresses and I didnt care at all!
Yeah, I’m with you — don’t really care too much about white or hugely-revealing clothing (though I wouldn’t wear either to someone else’s wedding). However, at my best friend’s wedding last summer, one guest wore a baseball hat and another guest wore jeans. It was a pretty fancy wedding, and everyone was talking about it. It’s like, come on! You REALLY don’t know better? I’d be upset about that, I think.
I’m with you knitting! There is so much that goes into a wedding day, I’d hate to think some ELSE’s fashion faux paux would ruin the whole thing. So they wore white…no biggie 
Kudos to you.
I’m with you… i do want my guests to stick to the cocktail attire dress code, but other than that i don’t care what my guests wear, I just want them to feel great and be in whatever they feel most attractive in. if that means its white and boobalicious, so be it.
Side note: I once wore an ivory and black dress to a wedding. This was before I knew that was absolutely forbidden in wedding land, and it wasn’t until a friend of mine was looking at pictures and gasped in horror that I found out what a mistake I had made. I felt horrible and so so so embarrassed. But even today I still don’t get why it was such a big deal. My dress was mostly ivory but it also had black lace and black trim, so it was in no way an all white dress, and it was so clearly a cocktail dress and not a wedding dress. Knowing what I know now, I’m mortified when I think back on it, but i would hate for any of my guests to feel that way at my wedding. If they want to wear a hot white cocktail dress, go for it. I don’t think there will be any confusion as to who the bride is.
Some of these rules I think are just so silly. It’s like they exist just to make people feel bad.
When I got married, my MIL found a suit she really loved in a champagne color. She was so worried I would be upset that she was wearing a white-ish color she checked with me a couple of times to make sure I didn’t care– I didn’t care at all! She could wear whatever she wanted! But she was considerate enough to ask, which is one of the many reasons she is the best MIL ever!
I went to a wedding once, and the first thing we saw once inside the church was a family member passing out the program. In sweats. It was very distracting. Based on a few interactions and things I overheard, I think that person had some mental disabilities, so I can understand that may had something to do with her casual dress. It was certainly surprising though! Of course my boyfriend didn’t even notice.
This is SO true! Frankly, I want my guests to be comfortable (within reason). If they find something white or a little revealing but they don’t ever want to take it off because it makes them look great and is comfortable from them, so be it! I am not wearing shoes during my reception because that is how I am comfortable. Why would I ask my guests to do any different?
I’m on your side of this one. What other people wear, well, that’s a reflection on them not on me. So if you want to look all revealing and weird at my wedding? Have at it. Seeing as it’s a wedding, I don’t see how any real attention could be pulled from Mr. E and me. And if, by some weird chance, you manage to do that? Well, I’m pretty sure they’re not all talking about how beautiful you look. Either way, still not a reflection on me or Mr. E.
I don’t get the white thing either, although I also would never do it just because I wouldn’t want to offend someone.
However, I was at a wedding a few years ago where there were MULTIPLE guests wearing cutoff jean shorts! THAT is definitely going too far - much like your sweats comment. As long as people are reasonably nicely dressed, I think it’s fine…
Don’t really care, I actually loved it when guests showed up in colors very similar to our wedding colors. I mean I had about 10 colors, so the odds were good. But it looked really nice.
I am gonna play devil’s advocate and disagree with everyone. There were a few clothing faux pas at my wedding and while it didn’t ruin the night and I didn’t go bridezilla, it was certainly annoying in my head. I glared at the offending item, rolled my eyes, thought “HOW RUDE!” and went on with it though.
Obvi, if you’ve seen my MOB dress you know that I’m on the same bandwagon. I would however have been upset if someone came in super casual sweats….one of my cousins wore a velour track suit to another cousins wedding and I was just floored by that (but, I suppose it was expectant from the offender).
I have been worrying about this very issue myself. i don’t care what people wear if they look nice, but I am terrified that my tacky sis and her daughter will come in sweats or torn jeans. They have done it before and I have no doubt that’s what they’re planning now. Although my niece has taken to wearing pj’s in public lately and I wouldn’t be surprised…
@SerenaSF:
I couldn’t agree more on the “no white” rule. Seriously. It’s like this rule was invented to allow people to give people one more thing to be offended about. Granted, if the wearer intentionally wore white thinking it would upset or upstage the bride, that’s awful, but…unless it was a wedding dress, it would not have that effect; and even if it did, it would only reflect poorly on the wearer.
Here’s what I put on our wedsite:
“We want you to be happy and comfortable. Wear whatever makes you feel best! If it helps, we’re thinking of it as a summer evening garden party.
A few things you might not want to wear:
Denim cutoffs
Big white dress
Top hat and tails
Gorilla suit
Beyond that, you’re probably in the clear.”
@Mrs. Glasses:
Do you mind sharing what the faux pas were?
I agree. Unless someone showed up in the exact wedding dress that I was wearing (awkward!), I’m not too worried about people getting confused on who the bride is. I don’t have much of a preference on what people wear. That’s just another detail that brides shouldn’t feel like they need to worry about.
Here goes my rant again! I basically felt the same way as you -we didn’t specify a dress code (most weddings at our venue are black tie) b/c it was hot & we didn’t want to add expense for our guests. We got one waaaay too short skirt, 2 people in white/ivory (one was clueless, one has been inappropriately hitting on my husband for years. In fact the latter wore a short vintage wedding gown with a bridal headpiece to my ceremony -I’ve got video to prove it!). And the coup de grace -my husband’s cousin’s girlfriend wore a t-shirt and jeans. Classy. At every wedding, hubs and I ask each other -what are they saving the good stuff for?! Never thought we’d be asking ourselves that. But all of that said, I really didn’t care too much about all of that. I was hurt about the wedding dress initially, but now we just laugh at everyone.
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Mrs. Knitting, Toronto Age and Occupation: 24, Student Recruitment Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Neuroscience PhD Candidate Engagement Date: October 2009 Wedding Date: December 2010 Venue: University of Toronto Faculty Club About Me: I'm a pearl wearing, etiquette book reading Toronto girl who loves cooking and baking, museums, charm bracelets, and collecting books on Jackie Kennedy (a lot). I've been known to spend Sunday mornings at the antique market, Wednesday evenings at sister sushi dinners, and any bit of spare time reading. After six and a half years of many late night walks, watching DVDs together in bed, travelling to places like New York, and Tobermory, doing Sudokus together on the couch, lots of Indian food, the occasional yoga class, moving in together and so much more, Mr. Knitting and I are planning a cozy Christmasy (it's a word!), vintage wedding in Toronto complete with many DIY projects (eek!) and lots of help from our amazing group of family and friends.
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