Weddingbee Blog

A lot of bees are prolific DIY-ers. (Like…Poodle should probably have her own column in MSW.) I can hold my own with the crafts, but I’m better with words. SO, I’m going to try to post tips on creating non-material things for weddings.

First up, The Toast.

I know, I know. Most of you reading this are getting married yourselves and not giving a speech. However, I myself found the ’bee as a MOH looking for tips, so I wanted to pay it forward in case there are any others out there. Let me tell you, the “Wiki-how” entries are not exactly gold…”make it heartfelt, tell a joke.” Um, thanks.

I was too-nauseous-to-eat nervous about my MOH toast. At that point, I had only witnessed one other wedding toast. I have since seen many, many more—some laugh-out-loud, then dab-at-tears sweet and funny, and others…not so much. Here’s what I’ve learned:

Writing

You are toasting the couple, not yourself and your best friend. Sharing how you know the bride or groom, along with an amusing anecdote or two, is great. Writing a paean to YOUR relationship and only mentioning their new spouse at the end? Not great.

Be so, so careful with your amusing anecdotes. If there is any part of you that worries it might embarrass either partner, cut it or ask them beforehand. Believe me, it is not worth the aftermath if you overshare.

Know your time limit. Unless you have a compelling reason (song and dance number, video montage), keep your comments concise. Keep in mind that you might talk faster when you’re nervous.

Write what you feel. Earnestness comes across a lot better than the cliche speech lines you can Google search. No one is going to think it’s cheesy if you speak what you feel.

It helps me to find a central theme. Jot down a few of your memories and see if any of them have messages that makes sense for marriage. I think a really solid one is loyalty. Lots of people have stories about their friends and siblings sticking up for them in funny, sweet ways. Marriage is all about sticking up for each other against the whole world—saying, this is my person. Tie the two together and voila—lovely, cohesive toast.

Preparing

Write it well before. It gives you time to re-think, tweak, and practice.

Read it out loud. You’ll hear awkward phrases easier than you’ll read them.

Read it out loud to someone close to you and ask for honest feedback. See if they smirk in the places you intend to be funny. See if they’re rapt at moments you intend to be important.

Giving

If you’re not a confident speaker, it’s OK to read the speech from the page. It’s better than um-ing and flubbing about for five minutes, forgetting the great things you had planned.

Have a glass of beer or wine before to ease your nerves. Just. One.

Introduce yourself in relation to the person whose attendant you are. “Hello, my name is _____, and [bride or groom] has been my best friend since _____. (In the last blank, insert the time frame plus maybe a little quip about your meeting if it was notable. Example: “Freshman year of college when she let me into the dorm when I locked myself out at two in the morning” or “So-and-so has been my sister since the day I was born, and my closest friend every day since.”)

Deep breath. Maybe two—clears your mind, slows your heart rate. This is one of life’s rare moments where you have a forum to laud the people that you love. So smile.

Other tips? Give ’em up!