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Hello friends! Remember me? Well, I finished the costumes for Cinderella Enchanted and am now back in full-on wedding mode. Good things, hive, especially because as I had previously thought—December has just gone and flown right by. Stupid, stupid December.
I have been extra stressed out recently and it is not only showing on my face (and neck and back…) but has also really taken a toll on my personality. In fact, I’m working through feelings of resentment towards the wedding. I know I’m supposed to be a blushing bride and getting really excited for our big day but as the Fairy Godmother might say—Falderall and Fiddly Dee! I’m excited for everything that I can do after the wedding without feeling as though I should be home doing something for the wedding. I really loathe that feeling. It’s the same feeling of being buried under a never ending to-do list. The reason it is a never ending to-do list is because I haven’t been working on anything for the wedding. You see, I have a tendency to revert when feeling overly stressed. There is a fine line between a little stress motivating me and being overly stressed to the point where I want to just forget it and go out to dinner. You know what I’m sayin’?
Maybe I’ve been watching too much Cinderella (ain’t that the truth!) but we’re exposed to this idea that, as brides, we are always supposed to look forward to our wedding day. I know there has been a lot of debate about what the Disney Princesses represent and while I may be comparing for now, don’t get me wrong—I love me some Disney Princesses. However, there are some cultural expectations of brides when it comes to their very specially of special-est days (are they working on that sarcasm font yet?). So when someone asks me if I’m excited for the wedding, I really just want to kick them in the taco for giving me a sour face when I politely respond that I’m really excited to be done with it. I’m fricken allowed to want my life to start and get past this damn wedding planning process! Right?
Don’t get me wrong. I am excited for the wedding. What I am not excited about is all the work I have to put in to it in order to enjoy it. I’m not talking about the fun stuff like making flower girl dresses and creating bouquets. I’m talking about ordering more paper because I didn’t get enough the first time or figuring out how to make the damn printer work. I can’t stand deciding on who does or doesn’t make the guest list or who sits where. I’m tired of putting all of my energy into a day that will literally be gone in the blink of an eye.
I can’t wait to be there, at our ceremony, not worrying about a damn thing other than marrying my very wonderful husband in front of the family who cares enough to be there. I’ll look forward to dancing the night away and crashing on our honeymoon suite’s bed at 4:30 AM with a belly full of champagne, beer, and Haven Brothers (what up Providence!). Wedding planning can kiss my Irish ass as I kiss my brand new sexy man-husband goodnight. Now that is something to be excited for.
Hey, maybe I’m not as Grinchy about the whole thing as I thought. Maybe I just needed to sort my feelings. Either way, I have to find a way to be less indifferent to the next few months because avoiding the planning is only adding to my bac(k)ne. Blech!
Anyone else have an unconventional attitude towards their wedding day? Please do share.
Great post, Zebra!
Two months ago I could have written this. I felt super guilty and have the ladies here to thank for being able to get over the guilt (somewhat). I noticed that it was usually the people who had either had super small weddings or who were not married at all that were asking me if I were excited. People who had been through it before just said “keep smiling. It gets better and this IS the worst part” which was helpful.
I got to the point where I hated my wedding. Honestly, I think that this is the dirty-little secret of wedding planning. It’s not all dresses and love and flowers and cake. It’s dealing with family expectations, last minute insanity, final balances due and seriously JUST WANTING TO BE MARRIED NOW!
It does get a bit better, Zebra. I felt better knowing this feeling was normal, so to you I say “It’s normal. It will feel better soon.” 
I totally understand what youre going through. Seriously one of the happiest moments of my wedding day was leaving our reception with my husband and getting lost for over an hour on a lake in the middle of the night. It was just the two of us and it was awesome!! The feeling of stress just immediately melted away and it was soo nice to be back to normal!
Absolutely. I started off as your typical excited bride, making lists and inspiration boards about every little last detail, and now, just over 2 months from the big day, I’m very “meh” about most of it.
All I want is to marry my wonderful fiance and sail off on our honeymoon cruise. When I think about everything else about the wedding, I wonder why I was stressing so much about it before. We’ve nailed down almost every major aspect, including the photographer, which was the most important thing to us, and now all that’s mainly left is the details. And I find that with each passing day, I care less and less about the exact shade of the table linens, or what songs I want to ban the DJ from playing. Lord knows the guests won’t notice, and I’ll be too busy to notice on the day…so I guess I’ve reached the point where I’m ready to just mellow out and let the chips fall where they may. As long as I end up married at the end of the day, I’m happy.
Towards the end I felt like this too. I think the bug bit you early
Ugh! I so agree. I’m excited for the wedding. I’m excited for what comes after. I’m not excited for the planning and having to balance hat my crazy Russian family wants, what his classic American family wants, and what WE wan as a couple b
Amen sister! I’m still trying to figure out when the day that was supposed to be about us turn into color schemes, food, and booze?
Couldn’t agree more! I am so sick of the stress, and everyone looks at me crazy because I cannot bring myself to just say “yes” when they ask if I am excited. Of course I am excited for the reasons you said, but all of this before stuff is just weighing on me.
yeah, people about PWD- post-wedding depression…? more like post wedding DELIGHT
AMEN! I swear, if I have another melt down about our stupid printer, I fear I just might elope. Excited for the marriage. Printing place cards? Not so much.
Girl, I am 100% with you here. I am ready for this damn thing to be OVER!
“I really just want to kick them in the taco…” bahhaahahhahahahah!!!
You are entitled to feel any way you want! Better to under-order something like paper then to have to order too much and have to return it. (right?)
I’m with you! Since we are getting married at the Biltmore too we will definitely be ending our evening with late night Haven Brothers! So well worth it yummmmm
Ooooh yeah. At times I feel badly that I’m not the gushing, excited bride. But I will be - the day before and the day of. I want to enjoy the day for us, not plan it for everyone else!
I can relate to this. There are times when I love doing the wedding planning stuff, but then there are times (like last night when I couldn’t get my printer to work right) when I just am ready to have it be done. I just want it to be our wedding day, us getting married, and partying the night away. I also have a list of things I want to do/buy and everything has to wait till after the wedding. Feels like life is on hold till after the wedding, but I’m ready to be living NOW!
o i totally know what you mean! and i feel terribly guilty about it so i haven’t told anyone. i just feel like i’m suppose always feel like sunshine and daisies with the wedding. but the stress just kills me at times.
@ArwenBride: Thank you for your encouragement! Your words really hit home.
@PitBulLover: You’ve got me dreaming again! Getting lost on a canoe sounds lovely.
@linguo42: AMEN!
@Mrs. Glasses: Yep. Maybe it’s a Florida bug…early bird.
@Margarita: I tip my hat to you! Good luck meshing everything together.
@Danielle: ohhh … just make sure there is booze there. Food and color schemes can go eat a shoe.
@vtbride2010: Yeah… I just wish I would have caught it earlier so I didn’t have to wait until last minute for it all to come in. And man…. paper comes in bullllllllk. I’ll be making my kids graduation invites with that damn paper!
@lscorpio: Ohhhh! Another Bilty bride! When’s the big day?
@aruka11: Truer words were never spoken!
@BunnyBunz: Absolutely! You totally said it better than I did.
@airythia: It’s probably best to vent it on a website. Otherwise you get the “did you just fart” look from people who expect you to love everything.
@Miss Zebra: our w day is 5/21/11…r u going to the tasting in february with scotty too hotty connery?? on a side note to ur following post - we had Sin’s red velvet cake for our engagement party..mmmmm amazing!
I think a “wedding meltdown” might tend to occur if you set the bar to high and create too much work for yourself - like I have a tendency to do… I’m always like “Yeah I can do that, I can find the time” and then it’s more like “Oh my what have I gotten myself info”. The recent trend of personalizing weddings and doing everything DIY simply adds to the work and in the end I guess it’s normal to stop caring since it’s impossible to do it all! Perhaps it would be easier to set the bar a bit lower, be realistic of what is possible and enjoy the process more that way. I need to take my own advice
For serious, Zebra! I’m totally with you! I had no idea that as it gets closer to wedding time, it gets way more stressful!
If need anythings (and I mean anything!!!) that can be done in Chicago and then shipped to you, seriously let me know. I will totally do anything you need!
Hang in there!
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Mrs. Zebra, Providence, RI Age and Occupation: 24 Marketing/Costume Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26 Management/Firefighter Engagement Date: December 12, 2008 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: The Providence Biltmore About Me: I'm a small town New England girl with an affinity for procrastination, crossing the proverbial line, and putting her foot in her mouth. I'm a lover of history, all seasons, sewing and Incubus. I design costumes on the side for my old high school's theatre department, which is where I met my sexy man. Our motto for our Big Fat Lebanese/Portuguese/Irish near-300 person wedding is "the more the merrier"! We are marrying in a Catholic ceremony and are hammering out the details of our Victorian-inspired reception.
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