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With less than 3 weeks to go ’til the wedding day, this is probably a bad time to start second (and third) guessing some of our wedding choices. But that’s what I’m doing right now.
I have attended a total of two weddings in my life, and only one reception. In some ways that can both be a blessing and a curse—on one hand, I have felt fairly free to make wedding choices without memories of past weddings influencing what we “can” and “can’t” do. On the other hand, sometimes this lack of wedding attendance makes me feel very, very inexperienced and unqualified to plan a wedding. I know that is silly of me…but that feeling still manages to sneak in. Thoughts concerning the “legitimacy” of our wedding are corrupting my previously naive way of going about our planning.
What do I mean by “legitimacy”?
Well, I mean the degree to which other people see our wedding as a *real* true-blue wedding. “Um, as opposed to what sort of wedding?” you ask. Hey, I didn’t say my thoughts were logical. But, to be honest, we all probably have in mind some things that we just have to have at a wedding. For some people that might be a big white cake. Or a big white dress. Or a sit-down reception dinner. Whatever it is, we all have some expectations of what a wedding is “supposed” to be. This makes me nervous…because what if our wedding doesn’t meet some of the expectations of our guests? Or of my parents, his parents, of the world of wedding blogs?
When I start thinking too much like that I just have to slap myself out of it. It’s unhealthy, because once again I’m basing my choices on what others might think, instead of what Mr E and I really want. We’re so close to our wedding day. We’ve made our choices, and we love those choices when we really think about them separated from the voices of outsiders. And that’s all there is to it. Plus, it is too late to change anything now, so we might as well rock what we’ve got!
Anyone else out there having a meltdown about your wedding choices close to your wedding day?
I’m not melting down (yet), but you are so right, E. It’s hard, but you have to remember that this day is about the two of you, not every one else. Hang in there - it’s almost your big day and that’s a great thing :)!!
I was starting to do the same thing, I’m looking at all these bios and all the awesome things that everyone else did and people think I should do this or that but its my wedding! You need to be happy with your wedding who cares about everyone else lol. Of course the guest should have a good time but they have either had their wedding or will its your turn now do it how you want to!
The same thing happened to me. About three weeks before our wedding, I was very worried that I wasn’t spending enough time on every little detail. Everything was done, bought, purchased, etc., but I was nervous because I was not a nervous wreck. Mostly I was worried that everything would be too plain and boring (I have attended probably 20 weddings: many incredible, all sweet, all quirky in their own way). But you know what I learned? Your family and guests will help you make it the wedding of your dreams. Just find some peace with yourself and your preparations, and let others help make the day special for you and Mr. E. Enjoy the last three weeks of your engagement. Treat Mr. E to a back rub, go for a long walk together and talk about nothing related to the wedding plans, and find some quiet time just for you. Happy Holidays!
I’m kinda relieved to read this. I’ve been feeling like this throughout the whole process! But hey, people are going to complain about something anyway right? At least you can be sure that YOU will love it. And in any case, i think having a “unique” wedding is much better than having one just the same as every other. That’s my rationalization and I’m sticking to it. You’re welcome to do so as well. 
I think it’s admirable that you’re doing things because you truly want to, and NOT because they are the norm or expected thing to have at weddings!
What makes you unique is what makes you strong and interesting. Following the expected will only keep you in a safe holding pattern - what you are doing is truly unique and amazing! What is the point of living if you’re only following someone else’s mold?!
This is exactly how I felt when I first got engaged and started to think about planning my wedding. My family is all Mormon so I only really know how to plan a typical Mormon reception: marry in the temple, reserve the activities room/gym at the stake house for the day, provide food and music, collect gifts. Not much to it. Not being Mormon myself, I had absolutely no idea how to plan a wedding let alone a non-religious one (husband is atheist, I am nothing). I’m fairly certain that any way I went I was going to disappoint someone, whether it be my extremely large Mormon extended family or my husband’s very small non-religious family. I couldn’t handle it all so we just ended up eloping. I wouldn’t recommend this. I love being married and I loved the privacy of saying our vows without a crowd but I wish I’d done it on my terms, my way without caving to outside pressures. So, way to go Miss E! Your wedding is about you and Mr E and it’s nominally about your guests. They are there to support and celebrate you. If they get uppity about the way you’re doing things, I say you should send them home! Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll never regret it!
I can always count on WB to give me some good advice and encouragement Thanks for the sane and helpful words everyone
Oh, I so went through this just before the wedding. But ultimately, you just have to go with your gut! (I accidentally typed ‘guy’ at first, and I guess that shoe could fit too!)
Don’t second guess yourself!
We stuck to our guns, and despite some unhappy guests who had a bone to pick with our non-conformist/unconventional choices, we had a great time in the company of friends & family who truly cared!
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Mrs. Earrings, Fresno, CA/ Nelson, New Zealand Age and Occupation: 20, Student, Wannabe Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 19, Photography Student Engagement Date: February 14, 2010 Wedding Date: January 2011 Venue: Gardens of the World About Me: I'm a girl from down under who grew up in Indonesia and I'm marrying a California boy. I'm addicted to all things sweet, have never met a chocolate silk pie than can get the better of me, and have dreams of one day being a fulltime novelist. I go weak in the knees for lace, tea cups, and a beautifully crafted sentence. When I get excited about something (whether it is historical linguistics or the Beatles) I tend to go overboard in research, and planning this wedding is no different. Mr. Earrings is my high school sweetheart, my best friend, and somehow we combine all our quirks into one big happy mess.
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