Stealing Thunder, or Whose Day is it Anyway?

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Over the summer, Mr. S and I met up with his brothers and sisters-in-law for a long weekend in Chicago. While we were away, Mr. S’ older brother’s wife told us that they planned to start trying to conceive in early spring 2011.

When I mentioned this in passing to a friend of mine, she gasped, “You better hope that they don’t announce that she’s pregnant at your wedding.” I asked her why, and she said, “Because it’s your day—you don’t want anyone to steal your thunder!”

A few months ago, a coworker and I were discussing the episode of House that had aired the night before, in which one of the characters proposed to his girlfriend while at a wedding. My coworker was horrified, and said that she’d be furious if someone else got engaged at her wedding.

Another friend of mine was really stressed out earlier this year when her cousin absolutely freaked out because she wanted to get married two months before their wedding. She thought that my friend and her fiancé were infringing on her special time as a bride to be.

And then there’s that episode of Friends, the one where Monica gets angry because she catches Ross and Rachel kissing right after she and Chandler got engaged. She thinks they’re stealing her thunder.

Now, I have a short fuse and I often get stressed and/or pissed off, but this kind of stuff wouldn’t bother me in the least. I don’t consider our wedding day my day. If anything, it’s our day, Mr. S’ and mine. And it’s not even our day, it’s just our wedding. And we want our wedding to be a celebration for us and our friends and families. If a family member announced that they were expecting at our wedding, we’d be thrilled! If friends got engaged, reunited, or scheduled their own wedding around ours, it’s not a problem! It’s just one more reason to celebrate, in our opinion.

Now, I won’t be so forgiving if someone, say, gets drunk and causes a scene at the wedding, or gets into a fight or something like that. But that’s less about stealing thunder and more about people acting like raging douchebags, right?

Would you be upset if someone else got a lot of attention on or around your wedding day? What do you think constitutes “stolen thunder”?


Ms. Sloth

Wedding Date:
May 2011

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  1. Member
    jam 310 posts, Helper bee @ 2:03 pm

    @commoshin: OMG a photo booth engagement picture series? Like you, I would be so happy to be a part of it all. Nobody is going to forget whose wedding it is…and if they do, they probably shouldn’t have been invited in the first place ; )

  2. Member
    FaceReality 308 posts, Helper bee @ 2:24 pm

    I would be furious! Call me selfish but its “Our” day and i intend to try to keep it that way. I think that its a rude gesture to be honest.

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    AMK, Guest @ 2:51 pm

    I agree this whole “my day” thing is so ridiculous – but it is an important day to the couple and guests and family should at least respect that. Proposing at a wedding is just bad taste and weird. I wouldn’t have wanted my proposal to go down that way – really the guy can’t think of something better??

    I also get mad when guests think it’s “their time to party” or want their needs put first in some way that inconveniences you – that’s not really fair either. It is still the couple’s wedding, not theirs…

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    Carla @ I Run, You Run, Guest @ 3:04 pm

    I wouldn’t care one bit. I would be excited for them! We had friends of ours that hooked up at out wedding reception, and got a lot of attention as a bunch of us were going “OMG, Look at them!” and I blogged that it’s a sign of a good party if you have random hook ups on your reception. And I DO think that! Why not share the joy?

  5. Member
    anisley 30 posts, Newbee @ 3:14 pm

    I agree with all the previous posts about being upset if any of these things happened at our wedding. You go through so much stress planning the wedding of your dreams, spending a ton of money to then have someone else be the center of attention. I’m sorry but on my wedding day I WANT TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. It might sound childish but it’s my wedding. It’s as simple as that.

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    K, Guest @ 3:59 pm

    I have to say this, I was that person. My now husband and I got engaged and immediately decided on a really short engagement. A few days after he proposed very close friends of ours were getting married. We saw this as a perfect time to announce in person to our friends (since we live so far away from most of them). We asked the bride and groom if we could do so, discretely at the cocktail hour after the ceremony. Without hesitation they said yes and they were so happy we chose their wedding to announce. While about 20 of our friends were standing around (seperate from the bridal party and family) we got up and announced our engagement and thanked the bride/ groom for allowing us to take a little bit of “their special day.”

    We were also those people who scheduled our wedding the month before our friends very large (two years in the making) wedding. But again, we asked them their opinion and explained the importance of that date to us. Once again, they said nothing but good things and were super excited for us.

    I think as long as the announcing party does so with tact then the bride/ groom shouldn’t feel like their day is being infringed on.

  7. Member
    Megrit 478 posts, Helper bee @ 4:16 pm

    I wouldn’t care if it happened but I can see how other people would be upset. I had a friend who had a very long engagement, she got engage last year and is getting married end of 2011. I got engage in Sept of 2010 and we planned on end of 2011 ourselves to which this friend responded “I’M getting married in the fall.” I’m sorry, but your long engagement is not my fault.

  8. Member
    gymdive22 184 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:08 pm

    I wouldn’t care if people privately told some friends or family members during my wedding that they were engaged, having a baby, etc., but I would be upset if they made it a big, public moment, like in the middle of the dance floor or announcing it over the loudspeaker or something. Like others have said, it’s rude. I feel that a wedding is a time to celebrate the bride and groom and their relationship.

  9. Member
    sapphiresun 9092 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 8:53 pm

    I remember reading a post on here about a girl who’s sister got proposed to her at her wedding, and then she commandeered the DJ and had him play her and her new fiance “their song” before the bride and groom had their first dance. Then she left with some of their mutual friends to go research wedding stuff.
    I’m fairly easy going and open to other people’s happiness on our wedding day but THAT to me, was pushing it.

  10. Member
    Merry02 345 posts, Helper bee @ 11:57 pm

    I usually don’t like to be the center of attention, but if someone had gone to the trouble to make an announcement about their pregnancy, or had been obnoxious enough to propose at our wedding, I would have been really upset. Like Mrs. Penguin said, it’s the intentions behind it that are rude. The bride and groom deserve that day; they planned for it, and they worked hard to get there. That’s their moment, and it’s well deserved.

  11. Member
    Lexsy 537 posts, Busy bee @ 4:29 am

    All this “it’s my day” thing does make me laugh a bit. I think that when planning a wedding, some brides forget that their guests are not just an audience, but people, with lives and feelings and thoughts. Regardless of if something happens to “steal the thunder”, all these people will be enjoying the wedding their own way, which is thinking of their own business, talking about topics that interest them, and definitely not focusing all their attention on the bride and groom for the whole day.
    So yes, it would also bother me if someone intentionally did something considered rude or obnoxious, but I do not expect people to focus on me the whole day.
    This is why I’m trying to plan a day which will be fun for everyone, and am focusing less on myself (e.g. less budget for the dress, more for entertainment)

  12. Member
    SpicedWine 26 posts, Newbee @ 12:07 pm

    I didn’t think I would ever have any of those types of feelings, but my sister announced her pregnancy to my family at my bridal shower, I felt a little bit sad ( even though i thought I would be OK), becuase the day turned into baby questions, oh, and the bridal shower.

  13. Member
    KB 169 posts, Blushing bee @ 10:58 pm

    I think it depends on how it’s done. If something quiet (like the photobooth proposal mentioned) I think that’s cool. However, the in the middle of the dance floor? I think that’s a big much.

  14. Member
    msjellyfish 1453 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:04 pm

    I used to think that something like this would upset me, but I now realize it wouldn’t. The day after our wedding, one of my best friends from law school told me that she and her long-term bf were engaged. I was so excited to think that he proposed at our wedding! Turns out, he had proposed a week before, but she kept it under wraps because she didn’t want to “steal my thunder.” I wouldn’t have minded at all – I was thrilled for her. I do think it’s a bit different when people make a big spectacle of it and take the attention away from the bride and groom, though. Then it might be a bit much.

  15. Member
    msjellyfish 1453 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:05 pm

    Also, my dad proposed to my mom when they were at a wedding, but he whispered in her ear while they were dancing. That wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s the obnoxious staged public proposal at a wedding that would bother me.

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