Stealing Thunder, or Whose Day is it Anyway?

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Source (edited by me)

Over the summer, Mr. S and I met up with his brothers and sisters-in-law for a long weekend in Chicago. While we were away, Mr. S’ older brother’s wife told us that they planned to start trying to conceive in early spring 2011.

When I mentioned this in passing to a friend of mine, she gasped, “You better hope that they don’t announce that she’s pregnant at your wedding.” I asked her why, and she said, “Because it’s your day—you don’t want anyone to steal your thunder!”

A few months ago, a coworker and I were discussing the episode of House that had aired the night before, in which one of the characters proposed to his girlfriend while at a wedding. My coworker was horrified, and said that she’d be furious if someone else got engaged at her wedding.

Another friend of mine was really stressed out earlier this year when her cousin absolutely freaked out because she wanted to get married two months before their wedding. She thought that my friend and her fiancé were infringing on her special time as a bride to be.

And then there’s that episode of Friends, the one where Monica gets angry because she catches Ross and Rachel kissing right after she and Chandler got engaged. She thinks they’re stealing her thunder.

Now, I have a short fuse and I often get stressed and/or pissed off, but this kind of stuff wouldn’t bother me in the least. I don’t consider our wedding day my day. If anything, it’s our day, Mr. S’ and mine. And it’s not even our day, it’s just our wedding. And we want our wedding to be a celebration for us and our friends and families. If a family member announced that they were expecting at our wedding, we’d be thrilled! If friends got engaged, reunited, or scheduled their own wedding around ours, it’s not a problem! It’s just one more reason to celebrate, in our opinion.

Now, I won’t be so forgiving if someone, say, gets drunk and causes a scene at the wedding, or gets into a fight or something like that. But that’s less about stealing thunder and more about people acting like raging douchebags, right?

Would you be upset if someone else got a lot of attention on or around your wedding day? What do you think constitutes “stolen thunder”?


Ms. Sloth

Wedding Date:
May 2011
Sewn Together: At-Home Reception Part 1
"Bridal Under-Achiever" Is My Middle Name!


  1. Member
    Lexsy 537 posts, Busy bee @ 4:29 am

    All this “it’s my day” thing does make me laugh a bit. I think that when planning a wedding, some brides forget that their guests are not just an audience, but people, with lives and feelings and thoughts. Regardless of if something happens to “steal the thunder”, all these people will be enjoying the wedding their own way, which is thinking of their own business, talking about topics that interest them, and definitely not focusing all their attention on the bride and groom for the whole day.
    So yes, it would also bother me if someone intentionally did something considered rude or obnoxious, but I do not expect people to focus on me the whole day.
    This is why I’m trying to plan a day which will be fun for everyone, and am focusing less on myself (e.g. less budget for the dress, more for entertainment)

  2. Member
    SpicedWine 26 posts, Newbee @ 12:07 pm

    I didn’t think I would ever have any of those types of feelings, but my sister announced her pregnancy to my family at my bridal shower, I felt a little bit sad ( even though i thought I would be OK), becuase the day turned into baby questions, oh, and the bridal shower.

  3. Member
    KB 169 posts, Blushing bee @ 10:58 pm

    I think it depends on how it’s done. If something quiet (like the photobooth proposal mentioned) I think that’s cool. However, the in the middle of the dance floor? I think that’s a big much.

  4. msjellyfish Member
    msjellyfish 1453 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:04 pm

    I used to think that something like this would upset me, but I now realize it wouldn’t. The day after our wedding, one of my best friends from law school told me that she and her long-term bf were engaged. I was so excited to think that he proposed at our wedding! Turns out, he had proposed a week before, but she kept it under wraps because she didn’t want to “steal my thunder.” I wouldn’t have minded at all – I was thrilled for her. I do think it’s a bit different when people make a big spectacle of it and take the attention away from the bride and groom, though. Then it might be a bit much.

  5. msjellyfish Member
    msjellyfish 1453 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:05 pm

    Also, my dad proposed to my mom when they were at a wedding, but he whispered in her ear while they were dancing. That wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s the obnoxious staged public proposal at a wedding that would bother me.

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