Gifting as a Guest

Gifting as a Guest

January 13th, 2011 @ 3:00 pm by Ms. Sloth
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As I’ve mentioned before, I will be attending a wedding this weekend. It’s the wedding of my oldest friend—he and I have been close for over twenty years, since we were just kids, and I am stoked!

This past weekend, I realized that we still needed to figure out a wedding gift for the happy couple. My friend and his fiancé didn’t register; there was no shower and they’ve been living together for years in a lovely home and have everything they need. So, obviously, a good thing to do would be to give the old standby: cash.

Gifting as a Guest : wedding etiquette philadelphia Cash Gi cash-gi

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Mr. S and I almost always give cash as a wedding present, but it brings up an interesting (and perhaps taboo?) question—how much cash to give?

There are many schools of thought on the cash present. Some people try to “cover their plate” and pay about what they think the couple spent on their food and drink for the reception. Some people give the couple whatever the couple gave to them on their wedding. I even found a wedding gift calculator that takes some details from you (your salary, your relationship to the couple, the distance you have to travel, the state the wedding is in, etc.) and comes up with a dollar amount.

But who’s to say what the right amount is?

In my opinion, the right amount is what’s right for you. And what’s right for Mr. S and me depends on two major factors:

Our relationship to the couple
Our financial situation and budget at the time

We will give more money to a family member or close friend than to a coworker or acquaintance. We will give more money if we happen to have more money at the time and can afford to do so. If we’re going through a rough financial patch, we may have to give less than we normally would. In my opinion, there are no hard and fast rules. We give what we feel right giving, and that’s that.

Coincidentally, though, I just now ran our details through that calculator I mentioned above, and it gave us the exact amount that Mr. S and I had already agreed that we’d spend for this wedding gift! Pretty uncanny, huh?

If you decide to give cash, how do you decide how much money you’re going to give as a wedding gift?

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26 Responses to “Gifting as a Guest”

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Member

oracle (message) 5,065 posts, Bee Keeper

Love the calculator! Thanks for the link - I had never seen that before. It was kind of fun to play around with different options and see what the result was.

I usually give based on closeness to the couple vs. financial situation.

1/13/11 @ 3:13 pm (reply)

Member

LittlestBirds (message) 2,605 posts, Sugar bee

I have way too much fun picking out a gift to have ever considered giving cash. But then, most couples I know have registered somewhere, so that does make it easier.

1/13/11 @ 3:15 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss French Toast (message) 288 posts, Helper bee

A cash gift is the norm in the chinese culture, so I always give cash gifts at weddings!

1/13/11 @ 3:23 pm (reply)

Member

Rgeddy (message) 2,186 posts, Buzzing bee

my first test run of that site (which is way cool, thanks!) was waaayy over than what I’d thought! $190??? I was thinking like $50, yikes I’m apparently cheap! I thought if I’d put we’d be travelling across the country it’d say give less! yikes!

1/13/11 @ 3:25 pm (reply)

Member

PinkMagnolia (message) 2,111 posts, Buzzing bee

WOW! That calculator had me giving twice what I normally would give. And I’m not a cheap gifter…

1/13/11 @ 3:26 pm (reply)

Member

PinkMagnolia (message) 2,111 posts, Buzzing bee

Mine said to give $400, I normally give $200.

1/13/11 @ 3:26 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Tartlet (message) 3,207 posts, Sugar bee

@Miss French Toast: I’m embarrassed to admit that I had *no* idea about this custom! I’m learning so much from you about my own culture.

Great post, Sloth! Totally agree with your guidelines, and they’re applicable to both cash and registry gifts.

1/13/11 @ 3:55 pm (reply)

Member

missrobots (message) 982 posts, Busy bee

Wow, that calculator is more generous than I.

1/13/11 @ 4:14 pm (reply)

Member

Seaside (message) 635 posts, Busy bee

oo good resource! I just tested it out and it turns out I planned on giving more than I had to. Nice haha

1/13/11 @ 4:14 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Jaguar (message) 4,656 posts, Honey bee

We have a wedding on Sunday - same deal, no registry. They’ve asked for cash. Gift calculator suggests $155. We were leaning towards a fairly similar amount, though we haven’t decided yet. It’s hard to cover the cost of your plates, because weddings & venues can change that - ours is a high per plate cost, but the one on Sunday is in a sports club, so low per plate cost. But should that be a reason to scrimp out? It’s a tough one! But it’s a gift, and any gift will be appreciated, I’m sure!

1/13/11 @ 4:29 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Mrs. Glasses (message) 2,741 posts, Sugar bee

In Japan, you give cash no matter what. There’s no such thing as a registry, it’s all cash. Friends, work colleagues around the same age give about $200. Relatives like cousins, aunts and uncles give around $300. Close family give about $500. It’s the rules. You have to save up to go to a wedding. And the sad part is it barely covers the plate because meals are usually $100+ and favors around $75+. Just an interesting tidbit! I think your guidelines for giving cash as a present are spot on.

1/13/11 @ 4:35 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

Judy

In Jewish weddings, we only give cash gifts at the actual wedding. The idea is that cash will help the new couple get started on their new life together. In addition, after the engagement and shower gifts there really is never anything left on the registry.

1/13/11 @ 4:46 pm (reply)

13.

Member

flamingred (message) 1,921 posts, Buzzing bee

We usually give $250 to our friends.

1/13/11 @ 4:48 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Oatmeal (message) 221 posts, Helper bee

Great post, Sloth! Thanks for the link to the calculator…so handy.

1/13/11 @ 5:08 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Mrs. Starfish (message) 1,924 posts, Buzzing bee

That calc was dead on for what I plan to give my friends, too! Crazy!

1/13/11 @ 5:17 pm (reply)

16.

Member

Kemi82JP (message) 749 posts, Busy bee

we give what we would spend if we bought a gift: $50. for friends i think that’s reasonable and seems to be the standard within our crowd. but when my best girlfriends get married or my sister, i think it’ll be alot more!

1/13/11 @ 5:49 pm (reply)

17.

Bee

Mrs. Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

Over the span of the past/coming two years, exactly 8 of Mr TM’s college friends have gotten married and the going rate seems to be $150 from a couple, so that’s what we usually give but I also usually try to include a small gift, maybe a frame or kitchen utensil….

1/13/11 @ 5:54 pm (reply)

18.

Bee

Mrs. Spaniel (message) 6,792 posts, Bee Keeper

That is a very generous calculator. If I had given what it suggested to every wedding I went to in 2010, I don’t think I could have afforded to go to any of them!

1/13/11 @ 6:51 pm (reply)

19.

Member

xtatic1 (message) 778 posts, Busy bee

I hope cash givers at my wedding use that calculator, more honeymoon funds!

1/13/11 @ 7:32 pm (reply)

20.

Member

vttp926 (message) 537 posts, Busy bee

Wow I didn’t know this calculator existed. But it definitely was giving me an amount more then double what I would give. A wedding that is over 500 miles away and they have me giving $300. I would probably only give $100 considering how much I will spend on the wedding.

1/13/11 @ 9:10 pm (reply)

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