Weddingbee Blog

…I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and catch up with them later.

(the inimitable Mitch Hedberg)

Sometimes I envy couples who meet post-college, after they are settled in the jobs and city of their choice.

I know, I know. It doesn’t mean that they won’t have job/location changes in the future, but at least they start there—where they have both decided where to make a life for themselves.

In our case, Mr. PD is a year older than me. And it’s hard to know, when one person graduates before the other, who goes where? How much do you factor in the other person’s job prospects? Who decides first? What if the other can’t find a job there?

When he graduated from college, Pdog couldn’t just…not decide until I graduated.

And I had no concrete plans, so he had to do what was best for him. He chose Cincinnati, and I wound up following him here eventually. I was lucky to find a great job at a company which contributes positively to society. With as crappy as the economy is, I have to wonder—what if I hadn’t found a job? Would I have taken a job totally unrelated to my career until Mr. PD graduates?

Do you like how this whole post is made up of rhetorical questions? That’s the thing. When it comes to planning location/occupation as a couple, it is largely speculative, and sometimes you can’t get an answer easily or quickly.

For example, Mr. PD becomes Dr. PD in less than a year, and what happens after he graduates? We don’t know, and that is really hard for me, to not be able to plan our next steps. We’d like to stay in Cincinnati, but that might not be a possibility. I don’t know where the jobs will be, so I don’t know what market to look at for myself or which areas to research for homes.

This is all brand new to me. I moved around a lot when I was younger. I was born in Maryland, then lived in Virginia Beach, Ft. Lauderdale, and Chicago before Columbus. My parents were able to do that, no sweat. With as nuanced as Mr. PD’s job is…I’m not sure how we could ever base our location on MY work. I’m a lot more flexible with my degrees and work background.

I’m okay with that, in the same way that I was eventually okay with moving to Cincinnati for his job. While I do think that you have to compromise in relationships, I don’t think of my choice as a sacrifice. It was my choice, and it was for me. I found I couldn’t be happy in the place I wanted, if I wasn’t with the person I wanted.

I also think that partnership means you fight for each others’ dreams, that you want fulfilling careers for each other as much as you do for yourself. I think it will be an interesting ride for us, chasing down a place to call home permanently and careers that make us both feel fulfilled. Engagement is a good time for “somedays,” though, and we’ve got a lot.

Have you had situations like this—not knowing who goes where? Not knowing how to decide who changes jobs or finds jobs or quits jobs? I think to myself…what if one person has the option of a lot more money somewhere else, but the other loves their current job? This is hard stuff, people! Vent accordingly.