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Can I talk about somehing that might be a bit controversial?
Babies.
Now this isn’t a post about whether or not to have kids at your wedding. Kids are invited to our wedding because I love them and I would hate for anyone not to be able to come if they couldn’t find a sitter. Plus we’re getting married at a camp for kids! How can we not invite them? Of course, some people might choose to have a night out and not bring their kids, and that’s fine, too. Really, I just want to throw a great party and welcome all those who can be there with us.
But this post is about babies and my friends who are all starting to have them. More specifically, how I have recently found out that three of my friends are pregnant. That’s awesome and I’m so, so excited for them (and can’t wait to meet and play with all the little ones!).
Except that one friend is due at the end of January and two are due in March; and our wedding is smack in between. All three would have to travel, so I’m pretty sure there’s no way they can come, what with a brand new baby or being eight-months pregnant. And honestly? That bums me out a little.
Who knows if they’d have been able to come in the first place, but I just hate that their happy news makes me the teeniest bit sad. (And yes, I am aware that this is totally selfish of me.)
I know that these kinds of things are going to keep popping up, and of course not everyone will be able to come to our wedding, but I thought I wasn’t going to be faced with these issues until the RSVPs started rolling in. Instead, I just need to focus on everyone who will be there to celebrate with us, while remembering all those who will be celebrating with us in spirit.
Don’t feel bad for feeling sad, that’s only natural. But one of my friends planned a wedding at a B&B in the Rockies that fell when I would be 8 months pregnant and I had to tell her I wouldn’t be able to come because flying at that point in my pregnancy especially to that altitude (drastic changes in altitude can induce labor) just wouldn’t be safe. I apologized, and she seemed fine with it, but then never returned my calls or emails afterward. I haven’t spoken to her in nearly 2 years. I felt bad for not being able to go and I did want to be there, but no wedding is worth that risk. THAT was a bad reaction. Yours is just normal!
I just found out my MOH is pregnant, lucky for us, she’ll be having the baby about six weeks before the wedding. I have nothing against a pregnant MOH, but I’m glad I won’t have to worry about her being a cranky-pants because she could go into labor any day.
I can totally understand! If you have invited people at your wedding, it’s because evidently it’s people you care about and that you want to be next to you on your big day.
When friends have kids it’s always a bit of an adjustment (priorities change, conversation topics change…) and if this also means they can’t make it to your wedding because of it, I think it’s totally natural to feel sad and disappointed!
This post read my mind! Since Christmas we have found out 4 of our close friends/relatives are due within a couple of weeks of our wedding and all of them would have to travel as well. So not only are the actual pregnant couples not going to be able to make it, but last minute we might lose their parents as well if they go into labor. I have felt selfish for being bummed out too, but I think it is ok to feel that way!
I hear ya. When I was picking my date, I had just found out a very close friend was pregnant and due 1 week before my proposed wedding. I would have gladly changed the date, but open dates at my venue were very slim pickings. I felt horribly guilty, knowing she would be unlikely to attend. I talked it out with some other girlfriends, and they all assured me I needed to go ahead and pick the date that worked for me. It was a rough way to start the planning process, and I still feel so sad and guilty that she didn’t come! On the bright side, she now has a beautiful, healthy baby boy.
I don’t think it’s selfish at all! It is sad that your friends may not be able to make it though. I am experiencing the same situation - wedding and pregnancies at the same time. Maybe you could have a get-together after the wedding if they can’t make it? Make it a wedding/babay day.
Happened to us too! The good news is that you get to celebrate all the good times with those friends at another time so really, it’s just a chance for extended celebrations!!
I agree- it does kinda suck! Our married/soon-to-be married friends all joke they are planning pregnancy around bachelerotte parties/wedding dates. But, who knows sometimes….
No, not selfish of you at all!
Selfish is “I hate you for being pregnant and unable to travel on my day because you are supposed to be focusing on and doing things for me!”
whereas “I am excited for you but sad that you won’t be there because I love you and I wanted to share this with you, and we will continue to be friends” is just being someone who likes their friends 
I don’t think it’s selfish it’s true you want to be able to share your happiness with your friends and while the reasoning is legit it doesn’t stop you from wanting them there. You are not alone in this one trust me I can count 3 cases where this applies to me as well.
im going through something similar. my FI’s ex wife (who he is still freinds with and shes actually pretty cool) is pregnant. the dr’s told her her due date is ON the day of our wedding!! this wouldnt be such an issue if we didnt need her to get her and my fi’s duaughter ready. there is so much changing in my future step daughters life right now shes freaking out. i dont really know how to help her cus she isnt crazy about me yet. i dont want her being at the wedding worried about her mom. the selfish bride in me hopes the baby comes a week or 2 early (due dates can be off by at least 2 weeks plus she is high risk) she wont be able to help with her their daughter but at least she wont be freaking out about how her mom is doing since she will be able to make it.
You are definitely not selfish for feeling this way. I am in my 30’s, and it seems all of my friends who are married are pregnant with baby #2 and due this winter/spring.
My biggest disappointment is that my best friend and MOH had to drop out of my destination wedding because she found out she was pregnant and due two weeks before the wedding. She won’t be able to travel with a toddler and newborn, and I wouldn’t dream of insisting that she do so–she may have a C-section and will be in no condition to go anywhere.
If I can be a brat, what bugged me about my bestie is that she *knew* she was pregnant when I asked her to be my MOH and told her the date of the wedding, but she hadn’t hit the magic 12-week mark and didn’t want to say anything yet. Between the time I asked and she accepted, I made some bookings and set the date with family. Once she told me, it was too late to change anything due to a variety of circumstances.
Please believe me that I understand why she didn’t say anything and obviously she had bigger (valid) concerns than worrying about my wedding date. But she is my best friend, and was going to be my only attendant, and it makes me so very sad that she won’t be there.
i’m going through the same thing as you! my best friend will be about 8 months pregnant when its our wedding and there’s like a 90% chance she can’t make it since she’ll be coming from seattle to san francisco…i was really bummed about it especially i planned on having her as my MOH, but now she might not even be able to make it, so while i’m happy that she’s going to have her 1st baby, it makes me sad to think that she won’t be able to share my special day with me *sigh*
Mr. G’s parents didn’t come because they didn’t want to travel internationally. It made me mad, upset, and sad. But even Mr. G wasn’t upset, he did a great job of focusing on having fun with who was there. That being said, Mr. G’s brother was able to come with a 6 month old baby (and a 2 year old!) in tow, all the way from England. Some people will really surprise you with their RSVPs! But I definitely don’t think you are being selfish!
I hear you! I have three friends who are currently trying to get pregnant and will likely be pregnant at my wedding in April. I’m so excited for them… but bummed they’ll miss out on some of our stuff!
I am in the same boat, sort of. All of my friends have kids and while some may make it to the wedding (minus those with newborns) most will not come out for a bachelorette. I guess it was inevitable since I am one of the last to get hitched.
That is completely normal to be upset that they wouldn’t be there to share your day. I asked one of my BM’s if she thought she might be pregnant at my wedding (shes getting married the year before) I was asking because I want to be able to pick a dress that she can feel comfortable depending on how far along she was. She gave me a sheepish look like umm i might be… are you mad? am i mad? NO! that awesome that you are planning on having children I will be thrilled when it happens! and then told her that i wanted her to be comfortable and depending how how far along she will be we can make sure her dress fits her well and so forth, and i wanted to know if she was going to be 9 months on my wedding day. She said no def wont be 9 months but maybe a few months depending on how well nature works out And she’s super tall and i wasn’t going to make her wear heals if she didnt’ want to and if she’s pregnant i wouldn’t want her in heals!
I am on the other side of the equation and one of the friends who is trying to get pregnant. Some dear friends of ours are engaged but have yet to set a date and I have my fingers crossed that I will be able to attend. My cousin is getting married this August and I will say that I was actually a little relieved that I WASN’T pregnant a few months there because I knew it would mean missing her wedding.
It’s so hard when major life events collide!
My FSIL is due ONE WEEK before our wedding! I could have changed the date but it would have been a bad choice (besides that fact that my date had been set for MANY months b4 we found out about the pregnancy)… It would be a travel for her… my fh and I have resigned to the fact that she most likely will not attend… Your feelings are natural!
I don’t think it’s sad, in fact I think it’s natural. The important thing is your still happy for them, aren’t going to let it effect your friendship.
My s/o and I don’t have anything planned yet, but whenever our wedding happens, there’s a chance we’ll both have missing siblings. Sad? yes. But all possible situations are understandable and we love them anyway.
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Mrs. Eggs Benedict, Seattle Age and Occupation: 29, Attorney Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, Attorney Engagement Date: December 5, 2009 Wedding Date: February 2011 Venue: IslandWood About Me: I'm a Northwest girl who spends my time goofing around with Mr. Eggs Benedict and our dog, hiking, traveling, drinking wine and planning a wedding that will showcase the best of what the Pacific Northwest has to offer. I also love photography, beating Mr. Eggs Bene at Mario Kart, and watching the most ridiculous natural disaster flicks you can think of (seriously, how can you deny the awesomeness that is The Core or 2012?? That's right, you can't). We are planning our weekend wedding adventure at an environmental educational center, and I can't wait for the fun to begin!
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