Weddingbee Blog

Mr. S was in a mood last night.

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Well, let me back up. First, I need to explain that I’ve made a lot of minor wedding-related decisions without Mr. S’ input. It’s not that I don’t want his input—but he honestly just doesn’t care or doesn’t have an opinion about most of the little things. He cares a lot about the big stuff (venue, food, music), but details? Newp. In the beginning, we had a lot of conversations like this:

Me: “Which fabric do you like better for the table overlays?”

Him: “Either one is fine. Whatever you like.”

Me: “Should I refinish this antique box for our card box, or should I just buy a cheap birdcage?”

Him: “I don’t care. Whatever you want.”

Me: “Help me decide between this brighter raspberry and this darker plum.”

Him: “I’m colorblind, remember? I can’t even see a difference.”

Me: “I like these mismatched glass vases, but now I’m thinking milk glass instead. What do you think?”

Him: “I don’t even know what that is.”

And so on.

So since then, I usually make the decisions myself, and then let him know after the fact. His reaction is usually a simple “Sounds good to me!”

But last night, the mood.

I was trying to figure out some wedding detail. To be honest, it was so insignificant that now, I can’t even remember what I was talking about. It was something small, like escort cards or bathroom baskets. Although I pretty much expected a shrug, I asked my beloved his opinion:

His moody reply: “Just do whatever’s easiest. Nobody is going to notice or care anyway.”

Now, while I know this is mostly true—nobody notices the details as much as the bride does—I still didn’t like how he was basically saying that it was pointless to decide on the pretty little details. I told him this and he replied, “But who cares about little stuff like that? It’s just so gratuitous.”

I should’ve just shrugged it off, but sometimes Mr. S’ moods are contagious. And, also, his statement made me realize something:

Our entire wedding is gratuitous. As a matter of fact, most weddings in general are gratuitous. All you really need for a wedding is a couple who wants to get married and an officiant. Everything else—the venue, the music, the food, the booze, the fancy duds, the hair and makeup, the photography, the favors, the flowers—it’s all gratuitous. None of it is necessary.

But the thing is, we decided off the bat that we wanted to have this wedding. We could’ve gotten married by a JOP at City Hall, but we wanted to celebrate with our friends and family. We budgeted to make sure that we could afford the whole shebang without going into debt. We’ve already spent over a year planning and there’s still plenty of work to do. We’ve made it a priority. This wedding is important to us. And if I want to make it just a leetle more pretty and unique by adding some little detail, well, maybe it’s gratuitous, but I don’t think it’s frivolous, and I didn’t like that Mr. S was making me feel that way.

When I said this to Mr. S, he immediately got it, and his moody mood eventually lightened up. He understood my need to have pretty little things at the wedding, even if he didn’t feel the same need, and all was good.

Did you and your FI ever disagree about which wedding details were important and which were unnecessary?