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During my first semester of college I was required for class to attended a seminar about Feminism and Art. At the beginning the speaker said, “Everyone who is a feminist, raise your hand.” All of my female professors raised their hands immediately, and I remember with quite a vigor. A couple of students also raised their hands. I did not.
You see, at the time, I believed that a Feminist was an angry woman who could find male domination in any unfair card she was ever dealt. She lead protests and didn’t shave. She basically encompassed this unrealistic, annoying, caricature I had built up in my head.
Girl, was I wrong.
Thankfully, by the end of that speech I had changed my outlook on Feminism. She explained the first, second, and third waves of Feminism. Today, Feminism is about allowing all females to make decisions that are right for them. Not stifling the Stay at Home Mother and not blaming the Career Mother. (I know there is more to feminism than just motherhood, it is merely an example.) I am certainly no expert on the subject but after that day, I realized that I am undeniably a Feminist.
With that preface, I am changing my last name. There was no inner struggle for me. There have always been things I always knew I would do. It is like breathing—a no brainer. I’m not necessarily confident in everything I choose but changing my name and going to college, for instance, were things I always knew I would do.
I am completely honored and excited to be taking the same name as my husband. Sure, I’ll miss my old last name. It will take some time getting accustomed to, but it is my blood; it will always be a part of me. Actually, the name most people call me is a combination of both my first and last names. I was originally thinking about changing my first name to that name, but thought better of changing both. Also, I convinced Zeb to honor my current last name by naming our bar, you know, the one in the man cave, after my current last name. He-he-he…I win!
Miss Zebra’s Bar
Do you consider yourself a feminist? If you do, did you have a hard time deciding whether to change your name? Or, was it not even a factor in that decision?
i was just like you, i have always had no question in my mind that i would change my name. and i did, and i don’t regret it BUT i was SO SURPRISED at how I reacted to losing my maiden name! I had such a strong feeling of loss when I was going through the name change process, and I never anticipated that. I dropped my old middle name and moved my maiden name into that position, so it’s still there… but it’s not the SAME. I am glad I changed my name and wouldn’t go back, but I’m still shocked at how it effected me.
I’m definitely a feminist, but that’s not why I’m keeping my name. I just happen to really like the name I grew up with. I can’t even imagine associating myself with a different family name.
FI is fine with it, and nobody else has given me any grief about it; in fact, everyone I know just sort of assumed I would keep my name before I even told them!
I do consider myself a feminist and I consider feminism to be a woman making the choice that is right for her, so go Miss Zebra!
I chose not to change my name, and actually my husband took my last name. We got some surprised looks for that one, but hey, it’s what works for us!
I relate to Kemi82JP as well … there was never a doubt in my mind that I would change my mind and I wasted no time getting the process started. Once it was done though, I had an incredible feeling of loss. It’s been about 6 months now and I’m much more used to it, but I too was shocked with how I felt.
Ha, love the cartoon.
I’m definitely a feminist, have been since as soon as I knew what the word meant. My fiance is a feminist too, bless him. 
I’m keeping my name. It was a no-brainer for me in exactly the same way that changing your name was a no-brainer for you. Luckily, this is not a point of contention for us. My fiance didn’t care one bit and even said that he’d be a little sad if I changed my name because he liked saying the one I have now. Awww.
I’m so glad you proudly call yourself a feminist. I wish more men and women understood the true definition–if you believe that women are inherently equal in humanity, value and societal worth to men, you are a feminist. It’s that simple.
I know so many people who believe you cannot be a feminist and a lady. It’s just not true.
I want your bar. But also, I agree that feminism means making choices that are right for you and not what others pressure you into thinking is correct. Such a simple concept that so many people dismiss due to preconceived notions.
[...] A Rose by Any Other Name Would Still Smell as Sweet | Weddingbee weddingbee.com/2011/01/25/name-change-debate-2/ – view page – cached Source During my first semester of college I was required for class to attended a seminar about Feminism and Art. At the beginning the speaker said, Tags [...]
You have a *bar* named after you?? That’s awesome, even if it is in your own basement!
That cartoon is awesome.
I forget the exact quote, but believe in the idea that ‘feminism is the radical notion that women deserve equal rights.’ Like you, early on in college I had issues defining myself as a feminist because of the stereotypes. As I’ve gotten older and learned more about feminism, about rights and privileges and just the harsher expectations on women, I’ve become really proud to call myself a feminist. Sure, I do it with a sense of humor, but it’s important and the fact that people see feminism as radical makes it all the more important.
I am not changing my name, but feminism is only a small part of the reason why. My last name being awesome is part of the reason why. My fiance keeping his name is part of it. I guess what it comes down to, is for me keeping my name felt as natural as changing yours does for you. Thinking about changing it actually makes my breathing get all labored and my stomach upset. It’s just not the right choice for me. I appreciate all the feminists who’ve come before us for making it a choice you can make one way and I can make another, and I really hope that in the future it will be a choice for both men and women, and one that is not fraught with judgment and assumptions.
I’m definitely a feminist. I love that in today’s world…we have a right to choose.
I will be taking my s/o’s name. It’s something I’ve always known I would do. It’s an honor for me to take his name. I know who I am, and changing my name won’t change that. Sure it’ll be sad….I do love my last name. But my s/o’s name means a lot to him and I feel like he’s giving me a very meaningful gift.
I was always going to change my name. It just wasn’t even a question.
I agree with linguo42, I am a feminist but that isn’t why I’m keeping my own name. I also just really like my name and just can’t imagine changing it. My fiance is completely fine with my decision. The only person that isn’t is my mother, a very old-school thinker at times. But I’m going to do what feels right for me, just like she did when she decided to change her name.
I really enjoyed reading: The Political Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex and Feminism.
I, too, never labelled myself a feminist because I think the feminist I went to university with (professors and student alike) told me I couldn’t be conservative and a feminist at the same time (note that, it’s a Canadian conservative, which is basically more left-wing than your Democrats).
Definitely a feminist. And to be honest, it played a large part in why I’m not changing my name. And my last name isn’t even cool like everyone’s posts before mine! My last name sounds highly inappropriate and I have to go by it every day because I’m a teacher. But it was important to me to keep it.
I agree with you though, feminism is definitely about giving power to women to make their own choices! Love the cartoon 
I was a women’s studies major in college, so um, I think you could call me a feminist, ha! But I changed my last name, mostly bc my parents were such hippies/feminists that they gave me a hyphenated last name and I hated it! Now I have the easiest last name ever…Score!
I’m a feminist too I used to resist that label because I thought the same thing you did, that they were crazy extremists (and I thought that they all hated men, which I don’t). I’m not changing my last name mostly because, even though I do like his last name, I like mine too. I’ve had it all my life, and by the time we get married I’ll have some of my career under my belt with my last name. It just wouldn’t make sense to change it for the sake of tradition. And my last name actually sounds better with my first name than his does, so why change it?
Thankfully my man is a feminist and understands that it is my choice, but he is a little sad that we won’t have the same last name. So I’ve decided that I won’t legally change my last name, but in social situations and in any other situation where it might come up I won’t mind being introduced and known as Ms. Hislastname
And the Mrs. vs. Ms. title is a whole other beast!
@Mrs. Trail Mix: Haha! PREACH! I am right there with you. While I do consider myself a feminist, I have a hyphenated last name and while I, like Miss Zeb, have a nickname that’s a combo first name/last name, I cannot wait to have only ONE LAST NAME! And his is super easy. No more having to say, when I am spelling my name, “sorry, bear with me, it’s long….”
I love being a feminist & am going to love taking Mr. Jam’s last name for lots of reasons! I used to think hyphenation was the way to go, but after hearing so many stories like TM’s, I definitely changed my mind. Plus I’m a Smith, and I’m SRSLY looking forward to finally having a sassy last name
I am all about people doing what feels right for them. I am changing my last name to his, and look forward to doing so. I feel a lot like others on this post who feel like is the greatest gift for the s/o to share their last name.
I do understand the reasons some people choose not to.
No matter what you decide, it needs to feel right for you and your s/o! It shouldn’t be about anyone but the two of you.
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Mrs. Zebra, Providence, RI Age and Occupation: 24 Marketing/Costume Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26 Management/Firefighter Engagement Date: December 12, 2008 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: The Providence Biltmore About Me: I'm a small town New England girl with an affinity for procrastination, crossing the proverbial line, and putting her foot in her mouth. I'm a lover of history, all seasons, sewing and Incubus. I design costumes on the side for my old high school's theatre department, which is where I met my sexy man. Our motto for our Big Fat Lebanese/Portuguese/Irish near-300 person wedding is "the more the merrier"! We are marrying in a Catholic ceremony and are hammering out the details of our Victorian-inspired reception.
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