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Whatever you think, honey.
That’s often the refrain brides hear from their grooms during planning, and for some brides I think that’s what they want to hear while wedding planning! Except what about those of us with partners who appreciate and understand that this is their wedding day, too, and actually want to have a say in how that day turns out?
Throughout the wedding-planning process, I’ve spent a lot of time reading wedding-planning websites, articles, and blogs. Many of these sites are written by women, and a lot of the decisions that are made about weddings tend to be made by the bride. But what about the groom? What about when he wants to be involved? It seems like the easy answer is, hey, if the groom wants to be involved, then the groom is involved! But what about when your fiance wants to be involved in some aspects of the wedding and couldn’t care less about other parts? And what do you do when you can’t always figure out which parts of the wedding he’s going to care about? Yeah…that’s called I’m still figuring it out.
First off, I have to say that Mr. EB has been pretty fantastic throughout planning. But it still throws me off both when he has an opinion and when he doesn’t. It’s confusing, no?
See, Mr. EB is usually pretty opinionated. So it’s no surprise he has opinions about his wedding day. However, there are lots of details about this day that quite frankly he doesn’t care at all about. So is it really that strange that I’m confused about when he’s going to care and when he’s not??
The issue is mainly that I’m never quite sure whether a project that I’m working on is going to be something that he’ll care about. I’ve gotten the “whatever you want is fine” line so many times, but every so often there’s a “why on earth did you pick that??” thrown in there (generally said nicer than that, but usually accompanied by some pretty awesome facial expressions). And by that point I’ve generally done a fair amount of work and had no idea that he was going to care, and what do you mean you want me to change things?!!
Luckily there really hasn’t been too much of that. But it does make things difficult when he’s super busy and can’t make every meeting, and I’m left wondering if it’s something that he’s going to care about. But again, because he’s busy, I don’t want to annoy him by running every single thought that I have about the wedding by him; most of the time he really doesn’t have a preference and is fine with whatever I decide.
Has anyone else had to deal with this? How did you end up handling it?
OMG! I am going through the same thing. Granted, there is still a lot to figure out yet, but I never know what he wants to be part of and what he doesn’t really care about. Then I try to ask him, but I don’t want to be asking him all the time either. I just try to float a lot of ideas by him if it is what I really want so that I can go about taking care of that part of the planning. I haven’t totally figured out to handle the involved groom, but taking it day by day and figuring that in the end, he will be okay with it all cause he wants to marry me!
i’m so lucky! my fiance said two things before we got started. He liked one design of wedding ring, and he wants beef at the wedding. Other than that free reign. and even still i find myself asking him how he feels about paper, or this flower I like. His blank stare just reaffirms his initial statement.
he DOES make himself available for cake tasting though!!
[...] Wedding Planning—It’s Not a Solo Endeavor | Weddingbee weddingbee.com/2011/01/25/wedding-planning-for-groom/ – view page – cached Whatever you think, honey. That’s often the refrain brides hear from their grooms during planning, and for some brides I think that’s what they want to [...]
totally! mine has very definite opinions on certain things (usually the bigger stuff - he really wanted our venue, for example, and the music bc he is a musician himself) but really is clueless on so much else. I have started trying to narrow down my ideas to a choice of 2 or 3 faves, and then letting him choose or comment on those options. (i.e. - here are 3 invitation ideas I really like - which is your favorite??) he seems to do better with a finite number of things to express an opinion on, rather than my constant stream of “oh, here’s another idea!” which seems to overwhelm him…
I also have a very opinionated fiance. We started off wedding planning with each of us just throwing ideas around about what we both wanted and didn’t want. Since I have a long time before our wedding, I started making up a to do DIY list for myself. Then as my list grew and grew, I started to think, hey, he needs a list too! So I made up a Wedding Honey-do list for him. There are aspects of our wedding that I just don’t want to be in charge of, and don’t want to deal with so I just put those things on his list.These are things that he happens to be better at also, so it works for us.
Finally a month before the wedding my fiance has decided he wants an opinion on things. It is fine and I am happy to share the workload, but it has caused some issues. We just bought his suit, which we budgeted 300 (knowing he would have to pay some extra out of his pocket) he spends over 700 for his suit and then decides his groomsmen don’t need gifts to cut costs, and decided that giving his mom an embroidered handkerchief was a very silly gift, and laughed at me for like 10 minutes because his mom is not “dainty” I can understand why girls get upset b/c their fiances won’t help, but it is a little annoying to wait until I have planned and budgeted for everything and now he has an opinion. Sorry, end rant 
My guy cared about more than I thought he would. The ceremony which I knew he would wan to be invovled in. He was also interested in the photog and Videographer. Could care less about the cake and flowers. Food we didn’t have a lot of choice and no tasting, other than the venue’s restaurant meals. His tux he really didn’t care about the style mucgh as long is it fit well and wasn’t brown, which is strange because does wear brown suits to work.
I have the opposite problem; Mr. Berry won’t pick ANYTHING, and it drives me crazy! I definitely don’t want things to be all about me, but he’s making it that way by digging his heels in and refusing to tell me any of his thoughts (and he does have them!).
me: which venue should we go with?
Mr. Berry: whatever you like is fine.
me: what flavors would you like for the cupcakes?
Mr. Berry: whatever you like is fine.
me: Where do you want to go on the honeymoon?
Mr. Berry: whatever you like is fine.
me: how about your wedding band! You must have an opinion on that!
Mr. Berry: whatever you like is fine.
ARGH! *chews her desk in frustration*
Ugh, same issues over here. Sometimes, Mr. Panther gets frustrated when I ask his opinion on too many things, but if I do something without making sure he likes it, he gets all whiney about it. It’s like, make up your mind, dude!
lol, I just read some of the comments and I am in the same boat. My fiance says “tell me where to be and when to be there” and that’s basically all he has to offer to me, so when he all of a sudden has an opinion on the invites or a decoration I have in mind, I get annoyed at him and ask him what HIS ideas are and he comes up with nada. lol. Men, that’s all, just men.
I’ve had this trouble too. So far he hasn’t cared about the venue, the flowers, the invitations, or the cake. But he has cared about the music, the food, the ceremony (a lot in fact) and the thank you cards. Kind of a random list, but I’m glad he at least cares about something. Even if he doesn’t want me to ask him every time, I still do anyway just to be sure.
I agree that it is frusturating sometimes to not have the FI give an opinion, however sometimes it’s better so you don;t have to have a silly little fight over “nothing”. Mr. Ball has been amazing! He’s there when I need him & not when I don’t need him there! haha. I think the hardest thing for me is trying to remember he’s probably only interested in these details because of how much he cares about me…besides that if he were planning it we’d have a taco truck in the backyard! (not that that’s bad..it’s just not my vision) We’re best friends & do EVERYTHING together, so sometimes I have to tell myself, “okay this is a chick thing, he doesn’t need to be included!” For those of you out there that don’t have the full cooperation of your FI don’t be upset, just remember that guys could usually care less! Be happy you get to pick the things you like without having to compromise! So grab you MOH or MOB & have a BALL! (Sorry I couldn’t resist! )
I ask CB’s opinion on most things, and more often than not I’ll get an involved answer and lots of reasons why this why that, which is really great, as I can be indecisive sometimes.
My FH shows up to all the appointments and usually doesn’t have a lot to add. When we were with the florist he had one comment I think. But then there are random things I had no idea he’d care about that are important to him. I was going to skip the cake topper, but at the cake appointment I found out that was something he really wanted. I figure though, if he really cares then it is worth doing.
You took the words right out of my mouth. We’re a dual attorney couple also and you know what kind of debates that can come with. Now I just ask for everything - “do you care about this - yes or no??” And that usually decides it hah.
Oh man, EB. I couldn’t have written that exact same thing… I haven’t figured out how to deal with it yet ;-). Let me know when you figure it out.
This is the exact same thing I’m going through! I NEVER know what it is he’s going to care about and I feel like I’m bugging him when I’m talking all about the things he doesn’t care about. It’s so tough!
AGREE! I have the exact same issues! I never know what he will really care about.
I actually played the passive aggressive card and copied the link to this post and sent it to his personal email.
We’ll see how that goes 
lol Even though we’re not officially planning anything yet….there are some things I wish he’d have less of an opinion on.
I really wanted green somewhere in the wedding…and I’m still going to try to sneak it in. But he insists green is not a wedding. UGH what does he know? I love him dearly, but he’d be happy with black and gray. :/
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Mrs. Eggs Benedict, Seattle Age and Occupation: 29, Attorney Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, Attorney Engagement Date: December 5, 2009 Wedding Date: February 2011 Venue: IslandWood About Me: I'm a Northwest girl who spends my time goofing around with Mr. Eggs Benedict and our dog, hiking, traveling, drinking wine and planning a wedding that will showcase the best of what the Pacific Northwest has to offer. I also love photography, beating Mr. Eggs Bene at Mario Kart, and watching the most ridiculous natural disaster flicks you can think of (seriously, how can you deny the awesomeness that is The Core or 2012?? That's right, you can't). We are planning our weekend wedding adventure at an environmental educational center, and I can't wait for the fun to begin!
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