Weddingbee Blog

If there’s one thing I wish brides would chew up, spit out and squash forever, it’s the word “MY.” Grammar mistakes? I’ll deal with it if I must. But completely taking over something meant for two? It’s like riding a tandem bicycle by yourself in a the world’s tightest jeans and spike heels with one flat tire.

In other words, it’s completely opposite from this adorbs picture:

Image source, via Pinterest

“My invitations are so…”

“My bridesmaids wore the prettiest…”

“My ceremony will be the most…”

Because unless you’re Dennis Rodman circa-1996 and you’re really, truly setting out to marry yourself, there are two people involved. OK, unless you’re going to be a sister wife, because then there would be more than two people involved. But I think this is getting a bit too technical.

Most wedding bloggers are women, as are all of the bees and a majority of the hive members. The wedding industry aims to please the ladies, TV shows feature our hissy fits and our dress selections, and free drinks are shoved in our faces at bridal shows. I’m not complaining, really (especially when it comes to the latter), but my heart goes out to the grooms, some of whom seem to be a bit forgotten under all the chantilly lace and milk glass.

They propose and inadvertently relinquish the power of decision-making and even having an opinion, because society tells us the wedding day is all about the bride. What, pink butterflies aren’t your all-time favorite things? That’s just too bad, because it’s a recurring theme that is going to take over every aspect of the wedding.

I understand that not all grooms want to have much control, but I also understand that some actually do. Maybe they don’t want to step on your excited little toes by actually voicing an opinion, but I would bet our entire wedding budget that some of them would at least like to be asked.

Case in point: Me and Mr. Jam. I’m sad to say that I, too, was socialized to believe that the wedding would be all about me. Luckily, my groom-to-be has an opinion, and we’ve been together far too long for him to keep it from me.

Me: “Blah blah blah, we’re not having a bridal party. I don’t want to deal with it.

Him: “But I really want our friends to stand up with us.”

Me: “That’s just too bad.”

Him: “Umm, but it’s important to me.”

*Cue pre-teen hissy fit and a call to my mom with the full intention of tattling on him followed closely by a tag-team tell-him-like-it-really-is moment. I realize now how dumb this sounds, and I blame this on a severe case of bride-brain.

Fortunately for me (though it was quite unfortunate at the time), my mom set me straight. The same woman who praises my accomplishments and tells me when I have something in my teeth also taught me that a wedding is, in fact, about two people. And that before I make any decisions, I need to take a step back and include Mr. Jam.

And when I got over myself a hot second later and finally included him, it was like opening the floodgates. Before I realized what was happening, he was calling the officiant, making a wedding song list, looking into venues, and having a valuable opinion about everything he could have an opinion about. It was truly a bicycle wedding built for two.

Image source, via Pinterest

…until Mr. Jam temporarily moved far away this month for work with plans to be gone until April or longer. Our seemingly-miles-long list of DIY bouquets, invitations, ceremony decor and sweet personal touches fell entirely into my hands. There’s only so much planning you can do over the phone, am I right?

Suddenly, our projects lost importance because they wouldn’t be created by the both of us. Plus, things are just easier when two people split up the work. And as cute as my dog and cat are, their paws don’t really lend themselves to holding a pair of scissors.

I know I’m not the first bride to go through this, and I know I won’t be the last. There are people planning weddings while their partner is stationed halfway around the world serving our country. There are couples planning long-distance weddings, separated by work or school or plain ol’ logistics. Even our own Miss Waffle is going through this, as have plenty of bees before her.

So with two trouble-making pets and a group of amazingly crafty and talented friends and family, I’m hoping we can turn what now feels entirely like a “MY” wedding situation back into a positive “OUR” wedding experience. With Mr. Jam dialed into a conference call and our loved ones’ hands helping with a menagerie of projects, it should at least be a memorable journey that can still be all about the two of us.

Anybody out there dealing with solo wedding planning…or want to be the solo wedding planner? Is your partner an equal helper, or did they choose not to be? And let’s be honest with each other: Did you have any ’zilla blowups at first because you had a vision? It’s so humiliating now, I know, but can’t we all learn from our mistakes?