Weddingbee Blog

I never thought I’d feel differently after marriage. Mr. Starfish and I felt like we had been married for quite some time. People nicknamed me “the wife” before we officially started dating. On our wedding day we had dated for seven years, and we’d lived together for five of them.

When people asked Mr. Starfish if he felt any different post-wedding, he’d respond along the lines that there was no difference; we just had a big party to make it official. When people asked me if I felt any different, I’d respond with our length of relationship above and say it’s all the same.

You’d be surprised at how often people ask if you feel different. It’s the wedding question that replaces the “where’s your honeymoon?” during the engagement period.

So, having felt this way for quite some time, I was surprised to realize that marriage did, in fact, change me. I didn’t notice it right away. It wasn’t until a few months after the wedding when someone asked about our postponed honeymoon.

During our planning stages, we decided to take a mini-moon due to Mr. Starfish’s new job and lack of time off. Planning a honeymoon involving airplanes didn’t make sense. Our dreams of relaxing on a beach were washed away. We decided we’d postpone the dream honeymoon until 2011.

Mr. Starfish and I had saved some money from the wedding fund for our delayed honeymoon. We figured it would be fun to go during the N.E. winter and escape to some sun and sand. We talked about many tropical places.

Then, life got in the way.

What I have come to realize is that engaged life and married life are quite different. When we planned the wedding, our life and finances kind of revolved around this big day. Not completely, but there were times we made sacrifices or made splurges on things for the wedding. I was a bit more free with money than I typically am. I splurged on little extras and was in the mind set, “well, it’s for the wedding.”

Well, the wedding is over and we are back to reality. While we had responsibilities before the wedding, they seem different now. Our priorities in life have shifted. Before the wedding, if I wanted a cute dress for my shower, I bought it. I bought quite a few “cute” items during that engagement period.

Now that we are married, we’ve really started to focus on the future. We’ve started saving for new cars, home improvement projects, furniture, future children, emergency funds, etc.

While before the wedding, a honeymoon seemed like such a huge deal, post wedding, it really doesn’t. The excitement of the honeymoon is lost for me. Anyone living in New England knows how miserable this winter has been—the snow piles outside my door are almost as high as I am. Instead of dreaming of a honeymoon in an exotic locale, I’m dreaming of an SUV with four wheel drive.

Mr. Starfish and I decided to skip the honeymoon. We made a compromise (I’m not sure who we are compromising with, maybe our budget?)—instead of a super swanky honeymoon, we are visiting his parents in FL, using points to pay for our flights, points to pay for a hotel room for two nights, and spending the rest of the time with his parents. The money we saved for that honeymoon is going straight to our future car fund.

I don’t know when things truly began to change, but I’ve finally realized that yes, marriage is a little different. I don’t necessarily feel differently about my spouse (I still fall in love with him more each day), but I do feel more responsible and more focused on our future goals.

Has anyone else felt different after marriage? Are there any other brides who postponed their honeymoon, only to scrap it or downgrade it?