Weddingbee Blog

After years of watching romantic comedies and daydreaming about my future nuptials, I fell victim to the common misconception that I ought to be a euphoric bride-to-be from start to finish. Can I let you in on a secret, Hive?

…While being engaged and planning a wedding has been wondrous, it’s been equally terrifying, and there have been many times when I felt like I was going crazy.

One of my first pangs of isolation came while chatting with a previously good friend of mine. I had a number of school-related deadlines coming up and I expressed that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. The flippant response that shocked me to the core? “Why? You’re engaged. You have nothing to be unhappy about.” Tartlet Mistake #1: Believing this person (and others) who expressed similar sentiments. I thought something was terribly wrong with me because I wasn’t always living in the in the world of sunshine and rainbows.

Although, wouldn’t it be great if everything was this delightful?

Since you’re here reading Weddingbee, chances are you’re somewhere in the waiting/planning/married spectrum. Chances are you read other blogs that are chock-full with gorgeous inspirational photos, picture-perfect brides, and to die for decor.

Tartlet Mistake #2:

Letting that green-eyed monster rear its ugly head and make me lose sight of why I’m getting married (Miss Oatmeal and Miss Lox wrote great posts about this). I let myself get discouraged because there were so many “perfect” weddings out there, with brides that were umpteen times more crafty, edgy, and chic. I let myself forget that it’s not the awesome dress or rockin’ photography that makes the wedding day special—it’s US that makes the wedding day special.

OK, not this kind of special, but I figured I would throw in a gratuitous embarrassing photo

Also, if you’re anything like me, once your plate gets crowded and you start to feel overwhelmed, it’s the little things that set you off in a torrent of tears. For example, when I irrationally started crying because I got a paper cut whilst doing our invites, I was really bawling because I have two presentations next week, my allergies are out of control, I had a 14 hour day at work, today a stranger felt compelled to tell me I had chunky thighs, AND…I just got a mother f’in paper cut. Tartlet Mistake #3: Thinking I’m a “bad” bride-to-be because I need a break from planning our wedding. The reality is, just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean that the rest of your life stops. You still go to work or school, your laundry doesn’t magically do itself, and you will still get into arguments with your fiance. It’s fine if the wedding goes on the back burner for a while. It’ll still be there when you’re ready to go back to it.

In short, being engaged is a major life change, and like any other it requires an adjustment period. It might come right at the beginning for some, others may not feel the effects until the weeks leading up to the wedding, and a lucky bunch won’t miss a beat. It’s OK if you experience those “forbidden” emotions of unease, anxiety, and stress. It doesn’t make you a terrible person or a bridezilla (don’t even get me started); it’s perfectly, wonderfully normal. Sometimes the worst thing you can do is to ignore the feelings and let them fester. Eventually you might explode and your FI will be left perplexed as to why you just reamed him for asking where you keep the extra toilet paper (true story). Find productive ways of working through those feelings, whether it’s screaming into a pillow, going for a long run, or calling up some girlfriends for some retail therapy.

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Am I blissfully happy to be marrying Mr. Tartlet? Absolutely. I’m just not there 100% of the time, and it’s taken me almost the entire duration of our engagement to realize that’s OK. And, contrary to some opinions, this isn’t the happiest time of my life. It’s the beginning.

Have any of you experienced unexpected emotions since being engaged? How did you step back and recharge?