So if you’ve been following along for a while, you might have noticed something. I mean, you might not have, either. I’ve never drawn attention to this until now. Let me get you started.
We have talked about my dress, my shoes, my jewelry, my hair, and my flowers. Me me me…and that’s it. Anyone starting to catch on?
OK, OK. I’ll just say it. I don’t have any bridesmaids. That’s right—none. Even though it’s my third trip down the aisle, it’s definitely not because I’ve worn my friends out. In my first wedding, I had just a maid of honor. In my second wedding, we got married by ourselves, so there was no bridal party (and no guests!). So this, my third time around, would be the ideal time to live it up with my friends, right? I mean, I guess that’s one way of looking at it.
And I did see it that way at first. Although I never intended to have a bridal party, I used to still get wistful over pictures like these.
That bottom right hand picture is one of my all-time faves. (sources: 1, 2, 3, 4)
And parasols! How sweet are these? (source)
But really, this is one time when being an encore makes a difference to me. Of the girls I would ask, I have stood in two of their weddings. One of them was my maid of honor lo those many years ago. And all of them have been my friends literally since I was 12 years old. But we are all in our (this is going to hurt) mid-ish thirties now (yep, ouch), and it’s not the same as it was ten years ago. And if my single pal were to take a trip down the aisle, that would be different, too. But this isn’t my first rodeo, and we’re all getting older. If it were my first and only wedding, I wouldn’t hesitate. But when one of these girls can actually say “Hey, I’ve never been to one of your weddings before”…well, that just changes the story.
Am I being silly? Maybe. Am I going to change my mind? No.
I have chosen to embrace my reality. I don’t have to pay for flowers for my girls. I don’t have to worry about picking a dress, or dress guidelines. I don’t have to mess with a rehearsal. (I know, wedding blasphemy. But think about it. I don’t.) I don’t have to worry that every girl in every size is comfortable and feels beautiful. I don’t have to stress over finding the perfect bridesmaid gifts. I don’t have to explain that I don’t want anyone to plan a shower or a bachelorette party. I never have to utter the words, “You can totally wear that again!”
Am I sad that my girls who have been my chosen family for so long will not be standing beside me? A little. Are they sad? I’m thinking not so much.
Are there any wedding basics that you are bypassing? If so, why?
I’m not having a bridal party either! And not because I don’t have close female friends – but because I have 9. There would be 9 bridesmaids. That is absurd, and would make me feel like I was trying to be a princess.
My FI and I are going for a simple, small-medium wedding. Eliminating the bridal party saves us money, time, stress, and drama. One of my good friends is still throwing me a bachelorette, totally unprompted. So sweet of her! I really don’t feel like I’m missing out at all.
I only have one – my future step-daughter. She’s 10 years old and is the flower girl, MOH, and BM all in one – plus she’s too cute to not dress up and have holding flowers.
I don’t see anything wrong with being practical. Not having to do and buy and spend on all the other people doesn’t mean you’ve excluded them. It just gives them a more relaxed position as a guest at the event.
I think I’m jealous! lol. This is my (and my FI’s) 2nd wedding and, well, my first was at the JoP (or is it JotP?). My FI is going to have 4 guys standing up with him, and, well, I’ve only figured out ONE(!) of my girls so far! (Another who I’d love to be a BM is currently in Alaska and is a military wife, boo!)
I’m kinda wishing I could skip it, but my FI wants the guys and I want it to look even (or at least close to it!).
So, yeah, you+no BM’s=LUCKY!!!!! (at least in my opinion, lol)
[...] Something’s Missing… | Weddingbee weddingbee.com/2011/02/03/encore-brides-and-bridesmaids/ – view page – cached So if you’ve been following along for a while, you might have noticed something. I mean, you might not have, either. I’ve never drawn attention to this [...]
We aren’t having a flower girl or ring bearer, which makes me a little sad, but no little ones are in our family!
off subject- I L.O.V.E. the pink one shoulder dress in the 4th picture. Anyone know where its from?
We aren’t having a flower girl or ring bearer either, and it makes me sad too, ktisthatbees. We have plenty of littles that could serve, but the guest list to the rehearsal dinner is getting large, and I don’t want to put out Mr. Biscuit’s parents anymore than I already am.
I wish I was just having a MOH and BM but my FI really wanted 4 so that’s what we’re having.
On another note, one of my FI’s got married again and had the same BM as his first wedding. He was joking that he could just recycle his first speech. Now, obviously, this wasn’t said at the wedding but just among friends.
What’s the point of doing something just for the sake of tradition, if it’s not who you are? All the important people will still be at your wedding and that’s what matters.
We aren’t having a wedding party either. Partially because he has more good friends than I do, but mostly because I’ve seen lots of bridesmaid drama, and I’d like to avoid the expense/worry. We’re also not doing any type of paper RSVP, just website, email, and phone.
Sounds like you have great reasons for not having a bridal party, but it still sounds to me like you’re a bit…wistful…about it. Maybe find a way to honor those women who are so dear to you. And of course have them there when you get ready!
@fromcharleston: You hit the nail on the head. My logic is flawless but my heart is still a little sad about it. I’ll ask my girls to come get ready together but I don’t know if they’ll be up for it. Most of them are married with kids now and that adds a bit of complication to the mix.
Mrs. Lox, Baltimore Age and Occupation: 33, Government Worker Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35. IT Consultant Engagement Date: May 8, 2010 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Vandiver Inn About Me: I’m an East Coast gal born and bred and a suburban brat turned city rat for the last year. Now Mr. Lox and I enjoy walking all kinds of places, having the coolest things around in our backyard, and especially our garage parking. I love gadgets, toys, Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby ice cream, monkeys, and our insane cats. I’m a blonde by birth and a redhead by choice. I’m that girl in the cubicle farm with all the cool toys and the file cabinet covered in magnetic poetry. I still use smiley faces in my emails, whether people like it or not. This is not the first rodeo for Mr. Lox nor me. And together, we are planning an intimate afternoon wedding on a budget we can afford by ourselves.
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