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I’m one of the first of my close friends to get married. When my best friend got engaged, I had no experience in weddings—none of us did, really. I still don’t have much, but I’ve learned a lot from being engaged myself.
Then, over the holidays, one of my bridesmaids became a fiancee! We went dress shopping this past weekend, and it was so fun to be on the other side of the decision-making. I still love weddings, even if I’m getting a little weary of my own. I feel much more comfortable in a supporting role than I do as “the bride.” But, here are some things I’ve learned as a bride that are informing my role as a Matron of Honor for my friend:
Any other tips for a newly-christened MOH like me?
This is such a great post! I was in a similar situation as you- first of my friends to get married other than my sister’s wedding the year before. Her wedding happend after I was engaged and after I started planning my own wedding, I felt I better understood what it meant to be a bride and became a much better moh because of it.
Before that I had all these ideas of what a wedding should have, but then I realized a couple just does what works for them, and I learned to be sensitive. As a friend you want to be honest about things, but it’s so important how you phrase your opinion- and only if asked! Great post! 
I wish I could give this post to my BMs..
An additional to that post:
it would be nice if BMs would not ask “have you thought about ____” or “what are you doing for ____”..
believe me! brides know what they have to get accomplished.. no need to add on stress!
Great post–it sounds like you’re going to be an amazing bridesmaid! She’s a lucky girl.
Oh man - that first one is key. I love all of my girls, but the non-responsiveness to a lot of my e-mails has driven me crazy throughout the planning process. Just a “sure, sounds great!” would be helpful so that I know you got the e-mail and know the schedule!
One more thing: Don’t blow your bank account to throw a Vegas bachelorette or crazy spa weekend. The bride understands budget, the other maids are probably in the same boat as you are. Discuss as a wedding party what you can and can’t do. The bride will be appreciative for the time she gets to spend with her girls no matter what.
[...] What I’ve Learned So Far | Weddingbee weddingbee.com/2011/02/03/wedding-vendor-etiquette/ – view page – cached I’m one of the first of my close friends to get married. When my best friend got engaged, I had no experience in weddings—none of us did, really. I still Tags [...]
I love the positive spin you put on this… more than I’d like to admit, I get frustrated and think “I swear, when I’m a ____, I WON’T do this, because I’ll know better!”
Your perspective is much healthier, though
I think those are all great things, but I also think it’s important to remember - as a bride - that your bridesmaids are not obligated to do those things. Of course we all want them to offer to help and all that and it is a bummer if they don’t, but they aren’t obligated to.
A very thoughtful post, P-Dog… sometimes you don’t think about these things until you are on the other side! The only other wedding I was a BM in was my sister’s (I was MOH), and I was only 16! There are so many things I didn’t do because I didn’t know it was part of a MOH duty. My sister said she didn’t care, bc I was so young; she just wanted me by her side
Great post! I am my SIL’s matron of honor for her March wedding, and I have been trying my hardest to make her entire planning experience as awesome as it can be. I’m going all out for her shower and bachelorette and have been trying to make myself as useful as possible.
I personally know how awesome it feels to really feel the love and support from those around you during your engagement/wedding and want her to be able to look back fondly!
Thank you. Thank you for this post! I thought I was the only one going through a non-responsive and “not so excited” bridal party!
I’ve been guilty of being the non-responsive BM (though to be fair, I was in my first year of dental school and stuff was wicked stressful!) so I try to give people some slack. After about a week of a non-returned email, I start feeling very unloved though.
I love your list! I’m both a bride-to-be and an MOH right now… this was a good read
@shaydenise: yeah, like i said in my post…what you are able to do. but i do wonder…if someone doesn’t have time/energy/care to do anything other than buy a dress and show up day-of…why say yes to being a BM?
@Miss Biscuit: yeah, i mean…i get the reasons why people do that, but i definitely don’t want to be like that as a MOH.
@Steph: YES! Such a big pet peeve!!
And PDog, I’m a newly christened MOH as well (for MY MOH - craziness) - been going through a lot of insight over here too, and I definitely agree with #6!! Little comments mean TONS.
Awesome post. Especially #2. Everytime I watched “Say Yes to the Dress” I wonder what those people are thinking? Unless I’m mistaken it isn’t their dress! Although I suppose only the juicy ones make it on the show… but still.
Ah this makes me feel bad. I’m a bridesmaid who is contributing very little. I’m in my first year of medical school so am very very busy and am completely financially dependant on my parents so am time and money poor. Of course I would love if I could do more but she knew my situation when she asked me to be bridesmaid.
Most of the stuff I agree with but I think that taking time off work to go shopping is a little much. For a lot of people as much as they love you and your marriage is important, your actual wedding will never be top of their priority list.
I don’t know, maybe it’s a cultural difference
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Mrs. Prairie Dog, Cincinnati Age and Occupation: 24, Program Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, PhD/Biomedical Engineer Engagement Date: December 18, 2009 Wedding Date: May 2011 Venue: Glendale Lyceum About Me: I'm a pilgrim soul of a girl with a house full of books and a coffee addiction that could slay Juan Valdez. My life is a whirl of grammar correction, good music, glue-gunning, and two pets named Hazel and Winston Churchill. I'm marrying my high school boyfriend in a formal-ish spring affair, roughly themed: "Elizabeth Bennet crashes a party co-hosted by Jay Gatsby and Cath Kidston, and loves it."
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