Weddingbee Blog

Sigh.

It is going to be tough writing this post, but I know I must for you. I do not want to turn any burgeoning Catholics off by talking about our Pre-Cana experience but I would be doing you an injustice by saying that it was peaches and cream.

If you are going to marry in the Catholic church, a couple must go through Pre-Cana classes. It is a group couples’ counseling session that goes over such topics as communication, finances, future goals, sex (yep, it’s in there), etc.

I have to make an aside in order for you to fully understand why our experience turned unpleasant. You see, as much a Catholic as I am, I fully believe in equality. I’ve met Matthew Shepard’s mother, I helped install the LGTB club in high school. I will not tolerate the perpetuation of hate. The bible has a whole lot to say about treating everyone with respect, and far be it for me to judge anyone else for the way they were born. Zeb feels the same way.

With that in mind, our two days started out pleasantly.

We traveled to another church in the Rhode Island diocese on Friday night. They gave us a workbook and we met our host couples. Each host couple had a specific topic to discuss. We had a presentation by the host couple on their topic, completed an exercise out of the workbook separately, spoke with our significant others about our answers, and then met with our group for discussion. They didn’t force anyone to share. The couples came from all walks of life. Some had children, some felt comfortable sharing, some were shy, some were young, some were established—it was a great mix. I reveled in the opportunity to speak with Zeb exclusively about our feelings and our relationship.

The next morning was much of the same, again. We were able to chat with the other couples about their thoughts, their journeys, and their upcoming weddings. The sex topic started, which I admit, was a bit awkward while standing in church. It started out as a sex chat then turned to Natural Family Planning (mucous cycle and all). They gave us some information on NFP; again, it was nothing unexpected.

The afternoon was set aside for the Priest to talk with us. This is where the trouble began. I do not want to repeat what was said because I refuse to continue this cycle. However, the speech was so powerful that Zeb and I wanted to leave. I felt physically sick. I actually had doubts about whether or not I could still support a church that held this view to the extent in which we were presented. We felt violated. I cried for my friends, my family, strangers, who have had to feel that every day of their lives.

Through talking with other couples we learned this isn’t a normal topic of conversation during Pre-Cana. It just happened to be what that specific Priest chose to talk about. I thought it was an odd topic of conversation considering that everyone in the room was in a heterosexual couple.

Although our Pre-Cana experience was tainted, I want to say that we learned some valuable lessons. We were able to see that we are most certainly on the same page in regards to finances, communication, the number of children we have, and—most importantly—honoring every person that graces this planet.