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Go ahead, gasp. I said it! I asked the question: has marriage become a thing of the past? Obviously there’s no shortage of committed guys and girls around here on the Weddingbee, but according to this article, the Census Bureau reports that the proportion of married adults of all ages was only 52 percent in 2009—the lowest percentage since the U.S. began tracking statistics in 1880!
Am I surprised? Not really. Not at all, actually. Mr. B and I are the first and only of our friends to get married. We don’t mind being the first and we don’t doubt we’re supposed to be married, but when none of your friends are thinking about marriage, you feel sort of gypped.
It feels kind of like when you realize you and your best friend from high school have grown apart. You were inseparable when you met and thought that would never change. Then you went off to college and they’re really into science and you’re really into sports. You’re still close, but you realize things have changed. You’re on different wave lengths. You have different interests. It’s kind of bittersweet, isn’t it? You love your new interests (in my case those interests are Mr. B, our wedding, Weddingbee, our apartment, our future, our family), but you’re a little sad your friend isn’t as into those same things.
Most of my friends aren’t seeing anyone, are dating, or are in relationships less than a year old. Mr. B has been experiencing the same kind of thing with his friends. His best man, for example, is a total bachelor. He jokes about not ever getting married and there are no serious relationships on the horizon. He’s a few years younger than us and we kind of tell ourselves that that’s the reason he’s like that, but the truth is that we know there’s more to it. It’s not just that he’s young, he doesn’t really believe in it. And he’s not alone, is he?
I think I would be pretty lonely over here on the married (well, soon-to-be married) side if it wasn’t for Weddingbee. Don’t get me wrong, the feeling creeps up every now and then. I jump on the woe-is-me horse and think nobody understands. I wonder if there are others out there and how they deal with it.
But for the most part, I’m extremely thankful for this community. I also have an awesome-awesome future cousin-in-law who is engaged; being the only couple getting married has also definitely brought Mr. B and me closer, too. We tend to run back to each other after hanging out with the single crowd. We feel safe and at ease, and most of all, understood when we’re reunited. We understand, too, that nobody is going to be into our wedding and marriage as we are, and still think we have some of the best friends in the world.
Are you the first or only one of your friends to get married? Do you ever feel like the odd-man out? How do you cope?
There are definitely moments when I’m hanging out with my single friends and I just don’t know what to say. They’re dating casually, complaining about stupid guys and look at me like I understand… I haven’t dated for 6 years, I was never really into ‘dating’. Its just odd, and I worry that maybe I’ll loose those friends after we’re married. I dunno, maybe I’m being crazy, but my mom said that a lot of her single friends stopped hanging out with her after she married my dad. It worries me too. You’re not alone!
We are in full fledged wedding mode for the last year and this year! It seems like everyone we know is getting married - including us! It’s really fun but a bummer when we can’t make it to them all - and also when I have friends who aren’t in that crowd and I feel slipping away.
We’re not the first, but we’re one of them - and since our LONG engagement is almost over, there are dozens of friends currently in planning mode, including my baby brother & his fiance! I don’t have a lot of friends as it is (I promise I’m not a leper!) but I hope the ones I do have stay just as close to us after we’re married. Same for future, not-yet-existent babies.
Yesss!!!
While most friends are extremely supportive (and one or two of them are married and have tons of advice), some inadvertently make me feel self conscious about being excited about a color scheme. Especially because I used to be very cynical about weddings myself. Sigh.
I know I won’t lose the friends who matter, though. Also, I’ve become more comfortable with being one of the first to get married and with making sure I don’t lose ME in the WE so I can still hang out with my single friends and have a great time. 
We’re in our late thirties, so we’re pretty much the last. I’m marrying your BM–the guy who was happy to never get married and didnt’ see the point. And then we met and fell in love and all he wants is to get married and have babies. Funny how time (and the right person) changes things. 
We are split. We’re pretty much the last one of my FI’s friends but one of the first of my friends. It’s so funny to see the differences. My friends are mostly in serious relationships and probably headed toward the altar within the next couple years but they don’t really understand everything that goes into the planning and decision-making. However I’m lucky that they are very supportive and excited for me
I don’t really feel like I’m missing anything, I feel lucky to be where I am and to be able to start our lives together. But sometimes I feel a little more like an old lady than them
We are the second of DHs friends and the first of my friends to get married and it is definitely weird! I am in the same boat as you - dont have many real life married friends or many of our friends are totally single!
I’m 31, FI is 33, and more of our friends are married than aren’t at this point. 50 of our 78 invitees are married, and 18 more are living together. There are only 10 single people out of 78! Kind of crazy.
The term “gypped” is derived from the term Gypsy (meaning, a Gypsy is a person who cheats you) and therefore racially offensive to the Roma people. Couldn’t you use the term “cheated” instead?
SO and I are absolutely the first of our friends to even consider marriage. I am 21 and he is 25 and people think were going at this like were running the 100meter dash. 1 out of probably a dozen or more of his friends is in a serious relationship and pretty much all of my close friends are but since I’m younger no one is in any sort of hurry. It is frustrating at times to feel like not one person gets the desire I have to be united to my best friend but I live with it and try to sympathize when they complain about being single or that their boyfriend is this or that.
I think it also depends on your age. I feel like being 28 I have more friends married, however, some just in the past year or this upcoming year. I have many co-workers and other friends married, so I guess that’s nice. At 25 however, I didn’t have as many friends who were engaged or married. We are lucky in that we can hang out with other married couples, obviously having more in common with them. I always told my single friends that I would be there to go out with them if they needed, because I remember what it feels like to be single and not have anyone to go out with me to meet guys. I think it’s really, really hard for people to meet other people and even harder to find ‘the one’. Maybe it is because not as many people today are into the whole marriage thing, but I think that is sad. My parents always told me the friends I have now, will not be the same friends I have in ten years. They say that you end up becoming friends with your kids’ parents oftentimes. I think many people move in together today due to financial restricitons. I know it was easier for my DH and I to move in once we were engaged, because that was an extra year of saving money having to pay only one rent as opposed to two. My parents are a bit old fashioned and don’t understand why adults live together before married, etc. I always knew that I would have to at least have a ring on my finger before I would move in with someone. That way they’re not getting the milk for free…
For us it’s opposite. Though we’re only 23, we’re the last of our group of friends and siblings to get married! We’re feeling left out for now, at least until the wedding…
I get where you’re coming from. We know one other couple that’s engaged, but most of our friends are far from marriage. It’s kind of sad because I obviously can’t talk about much wedding stuff with them since they might feel annoyed not having experienced it. I get lots of blank looks if I do bring up weddings, but fortunately my roommate is a willing listener.
@MLE: I was totally going to say the same thing, thank you!
As for being the first of your friends, I feel you. We were totally the first couple to get engaged, but I think we’re getting to that age because I just found out my cousin is engaged too! Other than that, we’re the only ones and it can be tough when your friends just want to party and you just want to plan.
We’re the first of our friends and we’re both in our late 20’s. Sometimes I feel very woe-is-me and then I realize that I play a major role in feeling isolated. I am majorly sucked in! I think my friends and I have done a good job of meeting in the middle and that’s all I can ask for. Anyhoodle, you’re not alone! Weddingbee has helped me deal with my feelings of loneliness.
We’re kind of in the middle. But for us, being together for literally a decade, we still spend so much time with our single friends we don’t feel any divide. It’s not the same as when we were single and painting the town red, but we still have some pretty amazing adventures together - just different
there are also a lot of couples who are in long-term committed relationships, but chose not to get married. Just because they are not married doesn’t mean they aren’t in the same type of committed relationship (but yeah, those people don’t tend to get excited about wedding planning:)
you just said everything for me x3 being in my early 20’s.
Wait a couple years, your man’s friends will start proposing, it happened with my s.o. In fact, my s.o. is in the *minority* of single guys in his family and friends, and even my friends are getting engaged despite the fact that I haven’t even reached 25 yet. I guess it is just who your friends are, *shrugs*
I’m in the same age bracket as you and FI and, with only a couple of exceptions, feel like all of my friends are in serious relationships (living together) or getting married. Actually, what shocks me more is the friends who got married a few years ago 2-3 years out of college and are already getting divorced!
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Mrs. Brooch, Arlington, VA Age and Occupation: 25, Writer/Editor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Front Desk Manager Engagement Date: October 3, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2011 Venue: Oxon Hill Manor About Me: I’m an indecisive girlie-girl with a motor mouth, can-do attitude, and knack for making others laugh. I dream of becoming a best selling novelist like Elizabeth Gilbert or Julie Powell (a girl can dream, right?), and love long road trips, a beautiful countryside, music, blogs, books, and all things vintage/thrift/antique/or homemade. I’m a Virgo, i.e. overly sensitive, emotional, and critical, and there’s no such thing as short and sweet in my world. I want to say and do it all. Mr. Brooch grounds me. I point where to go and he figures out the way. He’s a pragmatic fancy-pants who enjoys video games and movies. We both adore our mutt, Rocky, and spending time with our amazingly supportive family and friends. We’re planning a garden wedding with a formal reception with lots of whimsy and unique, Southern-inspired details.
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