Marriage: A Thing of the Past?

Go ahead, gasp. I said it! I asked the question: has marriage become a thing of the past? Obviously there’s no shortage of committed guys and girls around here on the Weddingbee, but according to this article, the Census Bureau reports that the proportion of married adults of all ages was only 52 percent in 2009—the lowest percentage since the U.S. began tracking statistics in 1880!

Am I surprised? Not really. Not at all, actually. Mr. B and I are the first and only of our friends to get married. We don’t mind being the first and we don’t doubt we’re supposed to be married, but when none of your friends are thinking about marriage, you feel sort of gypped.

It feels kind of like when you realize you and your best friend from high school have grown apart. You were inseparable when you met and thought that would never change. Then you went off to college and they’re really into science and you’re really into sports. You’re still close, but you realize things have changed. You’re on different wave lengths. You have different interests. It’s kind of bittersweet, isn’t it? You love your new interests (in my case those interests are Mr. B, our wedding, Weddingbee, our apartment, our future, our family), but you’re a little sad your friend isn’t as into those same things.


Most of my friends aren’t seeing anyone, are dating, or are in relationships less than a year old. Mr. B has been experiencing the same kind of thing with his friends. His best man, for example, is a total bachelor. He jokes about not ever getting married and there are no serious relationships on the horizon. He’s a few years younger than us and we kind of tell ourselves that that’s the reason he’s like that, but the truth is that we know there’s more to it. It’s not just that he’s young, he doesn’t really believe in it. And he’s not alone, is he?

I think I would be pretty lonely over here on the married (well, soon-to-be married) side if it wasn’t for Weddingbee. Don’t get me wrong, the feeling creeps up every now and then. I jump on the woe-is-me horse and think nobody understands. I wonder if there are others out there and how they deal with it.

But for the most part, I’m extremely thankful for this community. I also have an awesome-awesome future cousin-in-law who is engaged; being the only couple getting married has also definitely brought Mr. B and me closer, too. We tend to run back to each other after hanging out with the single crowd. We feel safe and at ease, and most of all, understood when we’re reunited. We understand, too, that nobody is going to be into our wedding and marriage as we are, and still think we have some of the best friends in the world.

Are you the first or only one of your friends to get married? Do you ever feel like the odd-man out? How do you cope?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Brooch

Location:
Arlington, VA
Wedding Date:
April 2011

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  1. Member
    tksjewelry 14014 posts, Honey Beekeeper @ 4:48 am

    Most of our friends are married, but we are pushing 40. I think that as you get older, you will find a larger percentage of your friends are married.

  2. Member
    AMFELTS 60 posts, Worker bee @ 8:51 am

    I was just thinking this the other day. Spending time with my single friends has become, at times awkward. I try not to talk about us and the wedding at all with them anymore, which makes me feel bad. It is definately a juggling act right now. But, I wouldnt have it any other way. I cant wait til March 19th!When I will marry my best friend.

  3. Member
    meerkat 3257 posts, Sugar bee @ 8:52 am

    Not gonna lie I was totally one of those hold out statistics. Had Mr. M. not wanted to get married we would probably still be shackin’ up together.

  4. Member
    jmbrick 115 posts, Blushing bee @ 10:44 am

    I am the first of my friends, but he is not the first of his friends. And I know how you feel being the only one planning a wedding or in a relationship. But one word of advice I have for every bride or groom is to not forget about your single friends when all is said and done. I’ve been on that side of the fence before and it is not fun. You start to wonder why your friends stopped inviting you to things. And when you realize it is because you were single, it’s a pretty big insult. For me, I know that even though we may all have different views on marriage, I think we all agree that we are friends whether we’re married or single.

  5. Member
    Lexsy 537 posts, Busy bee @ 9:27 am

    I am also one of the few in my group of friends who’s getting married, but not because most of my friends are single – it’s actually because most of my friends are not planning on getting married. They are happy for me and very supportive, but I can see that they don’t “get” the whole wedding thing

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    Lori, Guest @ 1:07 pm

    I was married for 22 years and am so glad to be free. I’ll never understand why people get married anymore, it is NOT a guarantee of being together. If two people really love each other and want to be together, nothing will break them apart, AND, no piece of paper will keep them together. I am 55 years old and I have to say, I am THRILLED to be single. What I have seen through all my years, is that people who are married always end up divorced or miserable, those that have been living together for years and years, are much happier. I truly believe marriage gives a feeling of being trapped, by legal papers. Plus, why on earth does any one want to “belong” to any one? It should just be that two people love each other and WANT to be together. If two people stay together just because they’re married, it’s bound to fail. I for one regret all those years of marriage. The feeling of being my own person, not belonging to anyone by legal means, is glorious. I now view marriage as a kind of desperation to keep someone. If they want to be with you, they’re not going anywhere, if they don’t, a piece of paper won’t keep them. I’d rather know someone is with me because he truly wants to be, and proves it by staying with me, than knowing he’s staying with me because he signed a certificate.

  7. Guest Icon Guest
    Lori, Guest @ 1:24 pm

    One last thing, Ladies, if you’re not married to a man and he leaves you, he would have done so as well if you were married to him. Or he would have cheated on you knowing what a divorce can cost him and made your life a living hell. Who needs that kind of stress anymore. Find a man who WANTS to be with you WITHOUT feeling obligated to stay because of marriage, you’ll see the difference. If women were to be totally honest about it, they feel that marrying the guy is going to make him “theirs”. Not so ladies. And if a guy feels that marrying a woman will make her “his”, then what theme do you already see? Insecurity band aided by the false belief that marriage will keep someone with you. Find someone that you feel confident enough to spend the rest of your life with, because he loves and wants to be with you, not because you roped each other into the false hope of keeping each other through marriage.

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    Lori, Guest @ 1:42 pm

    One last thing. If you truly believe and want marriage, NO ONE should get married before age 30. Everyone I know admits that something happens after you pass your 20′s. Tastes change, desires in life change, views of life in general change. If at age 30 you still want the same person, then get married. I know my taste in what I wanted in a partner change drastically after I was out of my 20′s, but I was already married and felt I had to make it work. What a mistake. Now I know better, I will NEVER get married again. Either a man wants to stay with me out of love, or he can get lost.

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