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I’ve got a bit of a dilemma and I need your help.
You see, we had, once-upon-a-time, planned to exchange gifts and letters on our wedding day. I took my job very seriously and thought of the most painfully amazing gift to give Zeb. (Details soon, promise!) Zeb says he’s got a great idea too. Now, his practical side is taking over and he wants to save money by not purchasing each other gifts.
Are wedding gifts that big of a deal? Is this something that I can just throw off the list and not regret… like, say, unique table numbers? Do you cherish the gift that your spouse gave you on your wedding day?
The wedding gift is something from the heart, something sentimental. It will make a memory and will be cherished for many years to come. I’m having a hard time letting this go. It isn’t something that will be sold or tossed after the wedding. It isn’t for the wedding but rather for the marriage, the relationship. It is a token of love, a symbol of devotion, but it also unfortunately comes with a price tag. Although I’m not worried about paying off our wedding debt, we will indeed have bills associated with the wedding. Is this gift worth the added expense?
I will admit that I am hesitant to nix the gifts because I really, really, really want to give Zeb this gift. It is a bit on the expensive sign and I fear that I could never justify the purchase after the wedding. I don’t know. A part of me wants to accept the love letters as enough but the other part of me really wants to do this for him—and yes, I would like a memento for myself as well.
My question for you is what are you doing? Married bees, what are your thoughts? Will I regret not exchanging gifts or will I forget about it soon after?
My husband and I did not do gifts or even letters on our wedding day…and it is truly one of my biggest regrets (besides allowing an incompetent family member to do our pictures!). If he’s worried about cost, cut something else out that doesn’t matter or will get thrown out as you mentioned. Nix the chair sashes or downgrade BM bouquets, but don’t take away that special moment between a husband and wife. As a final argument, average the cost of your gift over the next 60 years of your marriage since you will cherish it that long…and he’ll realize that the added expense is worth it!
We talked about this as well. My fiance is not that great or sentimental for that fact in the gift giving department. So instead of forcing the issue or picking out my own gift, which I usually have to do, we are not buying gifts for each other but going to buy something special together on our honeymoon. One of my bridesmaids freaked and couldn’t believe we weren’t giving gifts (she’s married). My MOH (my sister and also married) did what we are going to do and said she doesn’t regret it and cherishes the item they bought.
We’re not doing gifts, since we’re doing the wine box ceremony, and therefore writing love letters to each other (…to be opened 5 years later). There will be so much sentiment in those letters that we decided we didn’t need gifts.
We didn’t do gifts or letters on our wedding day and I can honestly say that I couldn’t care less!!
We poured our hearts into our vows - that, to me, is the ultimate gift. We had custom wedding bands with each other’s fingerprints on the inside. We spent two hours together just the two of us for portraits just being in the moment on our wedding day. It was so incredible - no extra presents needed.
I’m double-top-secret keeping a journal before our wedding, to give to him the day of. I like it because (a) it’s cheap, (b) it’s personal (a 6 month love letter!), and (c) it’s a sweet remembrance of our relationship as it grows. Being engaged, and planning a wedding, is crazy-time. Writing a nightly note about it is a good way for me to keep centered, and have a record of all the mushy hopes and dreams that are floating around pre-wedding.
We did not exchange gifts and I did give my husband a card, but he didn’t have one for me. Honestly, it didn’t matter! I feel like my gift that day was him! we didn’t miss it at all. He did tell me he liked his card and it was sweet to know that I was thinking about him. We didn’t see each other until I was walking down the aisle and I would not do it any other way if we were given the chance to go back and do it over.
@notabene - AMAZING idea! Love it.
Ms. Zebra - I know how you feel - I want to do gifts. The FH does not. He isn’t into writing our own vows either and I have yet to push the “gifts” idea on him. I’m interested to see what you decide!
We had thought about doing gifts but then money caught up with us. I gave him a card and that was it. However, our 30th birthdays were only 3 months after the wedding, so we agreed to do big gifts then, and that’s when I gave him the fancy watch I’d been planning to give him for the wedding. No regrets for me.
@notabene: That’s adorable! I may have to do that for our final month.
We didn’t do gifts or letters, and I don’t think we’ve thought about it since the wedding. Letters might have been nice but we just didn’t have time (and it would have been another thing to do). But we’re also not big into giving each other expensive gifts and would rather just go out for a special dinner.
I had never heard of the couple exchanging gifts on their wedding day until i arrived to wedding-blog-land. And no, we didn’t do it. We both had enough to get finished before we could even think of shopping for each other!
We stood in front of our loved ones and expressed our love for each other, and got MARRIED. That was more meaningful than any trinket could have been.
I think that a lovely note is something that would be cherished for a long time and maybe a nice hankie or something for your tears of joy 
We didn’t do gifts or letters either and I don’t regret it nor did I miss it on the day. We gave each other vows and rings, we threw a huge party for all of our friends and family. We have so many mementos from the day that we didn’t feel like we needed one more.
Save the gift for your first anniversary. Or a birthday. Or some random Tuesday that you really just want Zeb to know how much you cherish him.
Our theory was if we could afford it then and not have to pay for it after the wedding, we would do it. We each had a certain amount put away for a gift for the other that we used. These gifts were under $200. I’ll tell you what, mine totally cheered me up on my wedding day when I was in a cranky mood b/c of some problems we ran into but it would not have been worth it if it would have left us with debt!
We never discussed it before our wedding. To be honest I felt it was kind of weird to say “so are we getting each other gifts for our wedding day?” I think it’s sweet when I see photos of it but it’s a little too planned for my taste and I wasn’t going to inform him that he needed to get me something. I did have my photographer bring him a card that I had got along with that small book “I Love You” (which just so happens to be the same book his mother got his dad, totally weird). His gift to me was bringing my best friend to Hawaii to surprise me at the airport…they had planned for 7 months.
I think if you want to give him something, you should…don’t not give it to him because he isn’t getting you something.
Make it an anniversary gift?
We didn’t do wedding gifts and I can’t say I ever think about it, so I definitely don’t regret it. If I had to, I’d just say our wedding rings were our gift to each other. They are sentimental, reflect our commitment, and were really effing expensive. That’s good enough, in my book.
@notabene:
That is such a beautiful idea!
@MissZebra: It sounds like the gifts have a lot of significance to you, what if you postpone the gifts to your one year anniversary? That will be easier on the wallet but still allow you to give the gifts…
We didn’t do them. I sorta wish we had but it’s not a big deal…We were both so broke from the wedding that it seemed superfluous…It’s a tough call, can’t Zeb just pick out something that costs a bit less?
I love seeing pictures of brides opening up lavish gifts on their wedding days. Then I realize that Mr. Biscuit can’t afford any of that. I’d rather receive a card on the day of, but we’ll see if any of that comes to fruition.
We decided to write letters and then buy something special on our honeymoon. I love this because I get his words (the best gift!) and then we’ll pick out something together (that we wouldn’t otherwise find) that will always remind us of celebrating our marriage together.
Will he be mad if you give him something and he doesn’t get you something? Would you be? If not, I don’t see any reason not to give him what you have planned!
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Mrs. Zebra, Providence, RI Age and Occupation: 24 Marketing/Costume Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26 Management/Firefighter Engagement Date: December 12, 2008 Wedding Date: March 2011 Venue: The Providence Biltmore About Me: I'm a small town New England girl with an affinity for procrastination, crossing the proverbial line, and putting her foot in her mouth. I'm a lover of history, all seasons, sewing and Incubus. I design costumes on the side for my old high school's theatre department, which is where I met my sexy man. Our motto for our Big Fat Lebanese/Portuguese/Irish near-300 person wedding is "the more the merrier"! We are marrying in a Catholic ceremony and are hammering out the details of our Victorian-inspired reception.
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