What Do You Mean You Can’t Make It?

What Do You Mean You Can’t Make It?

February 9th, 2011 @ 1:37 pm by Mrs. Hippo
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With a little more than a month until the wedding, our RSVPs are coming in steadily, but I have to admit…I’m a little disappointed. Even though we are still awaiting a ton of RSVPs, we’ve gotten more of these than I would have liked:

Drat! What’s funny (OK, it’s not really funny) is that the people I had in my head as automatic yeses, haven’t necessarily been yeses.

We even have some family members I assumed would make it that won’t be making the trip, and frankly, it makes me a little sad. I know that our wedding is not the most important event ever to everyone on the planet. I also know that no matter who is in attendance, it will still be the best day ever ’cause King Hippo and I will be married. (Married!) But there is still a part of me that is bummed that some of my friends and family can’t make it to celebrate with us.

As I’ve been sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I’ve started thinking about the multiple wedding invitations that I have turned down over the years, where I either haven’t had the time, money, or desire to travel for an out of town wedding or I had another (frankly, not that obligatory) obligation and opted out. Were those brides as disappointed when they got my RSVP card in the mail? I actually never thought about it, but now, on the other side, I think I might have put down a different response on my reply card if I could go back, knowing that the couple likely choose to invite me over someone else and that an invitation means they really would like me to be part of their special day. I have totally taken that fact for granted before.

Have you been surprised by some of the RSVPs you’ve received? Has planning your own wedding made you think differently about being a guest?

Tags: dallas, rsvp |

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34 Responses to “What Do You Mean You Can’t Make It?”

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Member

PitBulLover (message) 8,322 posts, Bee Keeper

We are invited to 5 weddings this year and are only able to make it to 4 because two of those weddings are on the same day. I know we can’t be in both places at the same time, but I still feel bad that I’m going to have to RSVP no to one of them! I was definitely bummed when we got the “no” RSVPs but at the same time I knew we needed fewer people for our venue space so there were moments of relief too!

2/9/11 @ 1:42 pm (reply)

Member

Gerbera (message) 4,481 posts, Honey bee

The one RSVP I got back that I was REALLY bummed about was my college roommate who lives in LA. So I kinda expected that she would not come because she would have to go cross country for the wedding. But I was still bummed because I remember us staying up late giggling about silly things in my relationship with my husband then BF.
You really truly never know who will say yes or no. A lot of ppl we put at 50/50 No than Yes and they were Yes’s! A lot of people surprised us by making the trip to our wedding!

2/9/11 @ 1:45 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Elephant (message) 6,182 posts, Bee Keeper

I’m with you on the rethinking past weddings that I didn’t make it to. I didn’t have the money to fly out of town for a wedding, but looking back now I wish I would have found a way to come up with it.

2/9/11 @ 1:52 pm (reply)

Guest

azbride

I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling like this

2/9/11 @ 1:52 pm (reply)

Member

katiedee (message) 625 posts, Busy bee

I’m very sorry you’re feeling blue about the declines…but if it makes you feel any better, you are making ME feel better because I’m worried too many people will people will show and my space will be too small. (I know this didn’t help, but it really is reassuring to me, so…thanks?)

2/9/11 @ 1:55 pm (reply)

Member

SweetSweet (message) 15 posts, Newbee

We’re going through the same thing right now with our RSVPs. Although disappointed in some of the “no” responses, I get such a great feeling when someone that we really wanted to attend but didn’t think they’d be able to go responds with a delighted “yes.” I try to focus on those responses and and am happy and delighted that they will attend, rather than dwell on the fact that some of the people I surely thought would be there (and really wanted them to be there) are not able.

2/9/11 @ 2:02 pm (reply)

Guest

Meghan

Sorry you’re feeling bummed! But in the looking back part, I wouldn’t beat yourself up. Every situation’s different - I was on pins and needles with our guest list being too big, and felt a mixture of sadness and relief when people couldn’t come.

2/9/11 @ 2:03 pm (reply)

Guest

Carlastarla

Sorry Ms. Hippo! But look on the bright side… maybe it’s still early enough that you can save a little moolah?? Put that money away for your house/vacation/first big purchase as a couple!

2/9/11 @ 2:09 pm (reply)

Guest

Alexandra

If it’s any consolation, your RSVP cards look awesome! I love love love the stickers! They tell you to expect that 10-15% of guests you invite will not come but they do not tell you to expect that 10-15% of guests you expect will come won’t! Does that make sense?

2/9/11 @ 2:14 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Tartlet (message) 3,207 posts, Sugar bee

I’ve definitely learned how to be a better guest through planning our wedding. I’m genuinely embarrassed by some of the faux pas we’ve committed, and one thing I always do now if I must RSVP “no” is to include a personal note, even if it means extra postage on my part!

2/9/11 @ 2:18 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Hippo (message) 1,009 posts, Bumble bee

@katiedee: haha! Glad I could help…?
@SweetSweet: You’re so right! Those yes cards are so great to get, so I should definitey focus on that.
@Alexandra: Makes total sense, and SO true.

2/9/11 @ 2:23 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Donnica22 (message) 1,466 posts, Bumble bee

@katiedee: I was thinking the same thing. I’m hoping that at least 20 people that I send it out to don’t come so that I can then invite some of my coworkers (who I see EVERYDAY) because our place can only hold 180 people!!

But like everyone else! SO SORRY you are feeling this way!

And yes these RSVP cards are DA BOMB!!!!!!!!!

2/9/11 @ 2:28 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Eggs Benedict (message) 339 posts, Helper bee

I feel ya Miss Hippo! We definitely had this happen to us, and what’s even more of a bummer is in the last few days I’ve had two really close friends from college let me know that they can’t come now (after having rsvp’d yes). I really appreciate that they let me know of course, but I’m so bummed they can’t be there (especially b/c in my head I’ve been thinking they would be there!). Anyway - believe me, I completely understand how you’re feeling!

2/9/11 @ 2:29 pm (reply)

14.

Member

LGenz (message) 3,804 posts, Honey bee

I just got my first no (a close friend from college is due 4 weeks after our wedding). I’ve been so worried about keeping our guest list at 100 and hoping for Nos that I didn’t think I would feel this way. Turns out the Nos hurt no matter my venue/budget restricitons.

2/9/11 @ 2:33 pm (reply)

15.

Member

arclee (message) 533 posts, Busy bee

I still feel sad even when people who were probable no’s RSVP as nos. And I’m especially bummed out because none of my extended family will be coming. I know its a trip for them (6 hr drive), but it still sucks. It makes me appreciate all the more the people who are coming- especially college friends who are flying in.

2/9/11 @ 2:35 pm (reply)

16.

Member

Donnica22 (message) 1,466 posts, Bumble bee

@LGenz: OH BOY!!!!!!! Hope I don’t feel this way!

2/9/11 @ 2:35 pm (reply)

17.

Member

emma5w (message) 547 posts, Busy bee

The only time we ever said no to weddings was one year when we were invited to 11. That’s right, 11. We had to draw the line. But yeah, I still felt bad about it. And yeah, getting nos from people I was absolutely certain would come really sucked.

2/9/11 @ 2:40 pm (reply)

18.

Member

linguo42 (message) 3,563 posts, Sugar bee

By some fluke, my “Probably won’t come/Is likely to come” list was almost spot on! That doesn’t make getting “no” responses any more fun, though.

Funnily enough, the one I was most broken up about was from a couple I was pretty certain wouldn’t be able to make it anyway. They currently live in two different countries and one of them is in grad school, so I knew they probably wouldn’t be able to attend, but still, getting their “no” RSVP was depressing.

2/9/11 @ 2:47 pm (reply)

19.

Member

Miss Palmetto (message) 52 posts, Worker bee

Thank you for writing this post! I needed it this week as I just found out that one of my best friends from college RSVPd no…and I found out from a spreadsheet (the RSVPs are coming to my parents house).

We talked about it after the fact, and I am trying to adopt the mantra that “everyone has their own priorities.” But its hard not to second guess our relationship when I hear that my wedding is playing second fiddle to something I feel like is a non-obligatory obligation.

2/9/11 @ 2:47 pm (reply)

20.

Guest

Rachel @ Musings of an Inappropriate Woman

“Has planning your own wedding made you think differently about being a guest?”

Yes! Specifically, I feel terrible about the time FH and I were invited to a friend of mine’s wedding as a couple. I was able to RSVP yes right away, but I don’t think we got FH’s in until two weeks before (he’s not a planner). At the time, it seemed mildly naughty of us, but now I think, “that was a seat they could have given to someone else!”

I also have a vague recollection of not turning up to a wedding I was invited to in my youth, which makes me feel dreadful now. In my defense, it was the wedding of someone I only vaguely knew (we’d never really hung out), but there’s no excuse, really.

2/9/11 @ 2:49 pm (reply)

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