Who Gives This Woman?

Who Gives This Woman?

February 11th, 2011 @ 3:29 pm by Mrs. Lox
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Let’s take a walk on the serious side today. And talk about…well…walking. Specifically who will walk me down the aisle.

First, a history lesson. In wedding #1, my father walked me down the aisle. He wore a tux, and we did it all the traditional way. For wedding #2, we had a “weddingmoon” at Sandals, so it was just the two of us. I walked on the beach to meet my groom alone. Which was no big deal since no one was watching.

So it would seem that this time, I have my choice of whatever I’d like to do, right? Well, sort of. Except not really. Between wedding #1 and here in the present day, my father and I have become estranged. I know the hive isn’t really interested in all my drama-llama family issues.

Who Gives This Woman? : wedding baltimore family traditions Lox11 lox1

And no, my name is NOT Alex. (source)

Did someone say drama llama? OK, sorry. Back to the point. My father and I are estranged. We haven’t spoken in a year and a half, and I’m not inviting him to the wedding. So that’s right out. Normally it would be no big deal. I loved my step-father very much and would have been honored to have him walk me down the aisle. He would have loved it, too. But he is no longer with us.

So as I thought about it, I thought about what it traditionally means to have someone walk you down the aisle. And here’s the thing. I’m sure I could have asked Momma Lox and she would have been thrilled. But it just doesn’t fit anymore. I’m 33 years old, and I’m a fully independent woman. If anything, I’m at that age where we become more of a caretaker for our parents instead of the other way around. And if I’m totally honest with myself, only I can give myself away.

And so I will. I will walk down the aisle alone. Just me, myself, and I. I have doubted this decision and re-made it over and over again. But it still comes back to the same thing. I am entering this marriage on my own, the same way I’ve been doing things for many years now. And I will meet my man at the end of the aisle on my own steam. I will not rush. I will not fall down. I will probably cry. But I can do this. I mean, I think.

Has anyone else decided to brave the aisle alone? How about married ladies who walked alone—did you survive?

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29 Responses to “Who Gives This Woman?”

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Member

melisandescott (message) 213 posts, Helper bee

Not married yet, but planning on walking in with my FI. Our reasons are much the same; I’m an independent woman; I have been on my own for years. We live together, and have already made a commitment to each other. Though my FI proposed to me, it was after we had already discussed/decided and had picked out the ring together. We made the decision together and I see us walking down the aisle as us entering into the commitment together. I’m not leaving one life for another, and I don’t need the symbolism of being “given away” not matter what people say about it “not meaning” that anymore.

2/11/11 @ 3:35 pm (reply)

Member

BrightYellowGaloshes (message) 250 posts, Helper bee

Thanks so much for this post! My father (and mother) aren’t going to be at the wedding, and so I recently had to think about who will walk me down the aisle as well. Options: pastor, FI’s dog, or no one. If the dog doesn’t cooperate, I think I’ll be trekking it down myself, too.

We’re strong, independent ladies, Miss Lox, and will totally be able to handle it! Besides, we can go our own speed and we have the man who loves us a-waiting at the end. Maybe I’ll just run toward him. I just don’t like the fact that all eyes will be on me. : )

2/11/11 @ 3:44 pm (reply)

Guest

Anna

Hi Miss Lox!

I’ve been reading your posts from the beginning and enjoying them very much. (BEAUTIFUL lace shrug you got, by the way!) I am planning to follow Jewish tradition for my Jewish wedding and have my dad and my stepmom (my mom passed away 6 years ago) walk me down the aisle. I totally respect what you’ve got going on with your dad, and I am sorry your stepdad isn’t there to walk with you. In reading your post, and seeing the “I will probably cry” made me think that you should do something similar to what melisandescott is doing–walk to the start of the aisle and have your man walk down to get you. I think it has some lovely symbolism–you didn’t arrive at this place in your life alone, so why should arrive at the ‘altar’ alone?

Take good care! Oh, and don’t worry about ‘naked face’–you look great without glasses! I’m also trying to get used to contacts, so I know how you feel.

Anna

2/11/11 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

Member

dddd89 (message) 491 posts, Helper bee

I have the same drama llama regarding my father and I too want to walk alone. I will be 30 when I get married and feel it will be appropriate.

2/11/11 @ 3:49 pm (reply)

Member

mrsbowieii (message) 693 posts, Busy bee

I’ve also gone back and forth with this thought in my mind. I lost my father, my grandafther, and my mom’s partner all in the same year, all within a 5 month span.

I haven’t decided if I will walk alone or not but after being with my future husband 10 years I am definitely able to walk myself down the aisle.

2/11/11 @ 3:49 pm (reply)

Member

laniefl624 (message) 304 posts, Helper bee

This was on my mind when I woke up this morning! We are getting married on the beach,and while I have always envisioned walked alone to meet my groom at the end, one of the lasts talks I had with my father was who would walk me down the aisle and he asked for my brother to take his place. To honor his absence, I have to give him his last wish.

I love that you are walking the long aisle by yourself. It is your commitment, and I also love the idea of walking in with your soon-to-be husband. All in all, it’s your day, your way. Why does that make me want BK?

Happy Planning, and thanks for the post.

2/11/11 @ 3:52 pm (reply)

Member

shelbifox15 (message) 226 posts, Helper bee

Similar situation here - 37 yrs old & 2nd marriage. I walked half way down & then my hubbe met me in the middle & we approached the alter together holding hands….just like we will approach life forever!

2/11/11 @ 3:52 pm (reply)

Member

Gilneas (message) 1,393 posts, Bumble bee

I really wanted to walk down the aisle by myself, but my mom wouldn’t hear of it. Our compromise: my stepdad and mom walked me to the beginning of the aisle, then walked down to take their seats at the front, and I walked the rest of the way by myself. It was HARD. All of the photos taken of me as I stand at the end of the aisle, I look very determined because I am trying SO hard not to start bawling (again). But once you get to the front - it’s all good.

2/11/11 @ 3:57 pm (reply)

Guest

curly chemist

In Sweden the man and woman walk down together to symbolize that they are getting married out of free will.
http://www.theweddinglens.com/blog/swedish-wedding-traditions/

Honestly, whatever way will make you happy is the right way:)

2/11/11 @ 4:01 pm (reply)

10.

Member

AMFELTS (message) 60 posts, Worker bee

My father and I are estranged too. (story oh so not worth telling) I have decided I will walk down the aisle by myself. But the minister is going to say ” who gives this woman?”, My mom and step dad have been instructed to say ‘:she gives herself with our blessing”. I think it will be perfect.
yours will too.

2/11/11 @ 4:02 pm (reply)

11.

Member

jerkamuffin (message) 58 posts, Worker bee

My father was physically abuse to me as a child. He did not raise me and spent most of the time (and most of the current time) either on crack or depressed. My grandmother is the glue of the family and makes us all get along. She would DIE if my dad didn’t walk me down the aisle. I’ve cried about this. My wedding is 43 days away. I decided that Daddy can meet me half-way down the aisle. Then he will sit his a** down and he will not say a word. No one is going to ask who is giving me away. We omitted that entirely because I have been independent since I was 17. But, I’m still going to have him walk me. Even though he is an addict, he is still my Daddy.

2/11/11 @ 4:09 pm (reply)

12.

Member

missbiscuit (message) 1,050 posts, Bumble bee

I like the idea of walking down alone, actually, but I know my dad is REALLY looking forward to walking with me. I’m toying with the idea of walking halfway alone, and then meeting him at the back of where folks will be seated and walk the rest of the way with him. Best of both worlds that way?

2/11/11 @ 4:10 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Miss Fish (message) 1,463 posts, Bumble bee

I LOVE that you’re walking yourself down the aisle. You’re at a point in your life where you’re your own person, and I think it’s really symbolic of what a strong woman you are. You can do it! Promise!

2/11/11 @ 4:12 pm (reply)

14.

Member

mightywombat (message) 3,345 posts, Sugar bee

I don’t know what I’ll be doing yet, but I know it won’t involve my father walking me down an aisle. I love my father and we aren’t estranged, but our relationship hasn’t been an easy one. Even if it were perfect, the symbolism/history of it don’t work for me.

2/11/11 @ 4:13 pm (reply)

15.

Member

Lilacgal (message) 380 posts, Helper bee

We are also omitting the “giving away” part. I will walk in alone and give myself away,too.

2/11/11 @ 4:14 pm (reply)

16.

Member

missmouse29 (message) 2,998 posts, Sugar bee

I like the idea of walking down alone or together with my partner, but I have the feeling it would hurt my father’s feelings were I to leave him out. Surely he wouldn’t say anything, but I would notice.
I’ve also toyed with the idea of having my son escort me, but my parter wants him to walk with the flower girl. As it stands it’s a little up in the air & I keep going back and forth. So I can relate.

2/11/11 @ 4:15 pm (reply)

17.

Member

plantains (message) 2,489 posts, Buzzing bee

I’m getting married in an Episcopalian church and the priest told me that they don’t believe in fathers giving daughters away because it is like bartering a piece of meat. They request that all brides walk alone, so I will be walking alone. I’m 31, this is my first wedding and I am walking alone. Fine with me.

2/11/11 @ 4:17 pm (reply)

18.

Member

evorce (message) 74 posts, Worker bee

I totally agree…….. there is a lot with weddings that doesn’t sit well with me philosophically.. and I don’t want to do anything I don’t fully agree with on a fundamental level.. I feel that a lot of things are meant more for an adolescent girl, or a 20 year old girl than a 29 year old girl. One thing I really want is for our wedding to seem like it suits grown ups.. but the hurt feelings do make things more complicated….

2/11/11 @ 4:27 pm (reply)

19.

Member

MrsPrince (message) 95 posts, Worker bee

I love it! (Did someone say girlpower?)

I decided (never been any doubt about it) very early on that I would walk down the aisle alone. My FI did not ask for my hand when we got engaged and that is just how I wanted it, my dad does not decide who i should marry so why should he even get asked? It is my hand my FI wants so he would have to ask me, wich he did.
So I got it how I wanted it, he did not ask for my hand and I will give myself away.

Reading the comments in this post I especially liked BrightYellowGaloshes’s comment about running down the aisle and got a picture in my head of me running (slowmotion hollywood style) down the aisle. To bad my aisle is only about 4 meters… (we have a really small intimate wedding).

Miss Lox: Good luck.

2/11/11 @ 5:00 pm (reply)

20.

Member

mg1363 (message) 1,074 posts, Bumble bee

For me, having someone “give me away” feels wrong. I know that a lot of people my age (22) are still very reliant on their parents, but I’ve always been very independent. I haven’t had very much help in my life, and I feel that because of that, I’ve grown up much quicker than a lot of people I know. I don’t talk to my dad..and my mom, while I love her, has always been more of an observer (or outside supporter) of my life. I feel like I have made my own way in life, and because of that I think I’ll be walking myself down the aisle. It will probably be a fairly small wedding in any case though, so I don’t think I’ll be worried about all eyes on me or anything. Good luck Miss Lox!

2/11/11 @ 7:25 pm (reply)

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