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I have a newfound pet peeve: wedding guests posting pictures on Facebook (or some other public site) without running it by the bride or groom. And this new pet peeve runs counter to my previous position. Before we got engaged and I started paying attention to what is/is not polite, I didn’t think anything of uploading wedding pics. (In fact, I did it as recently as New Year’s Eve 2009.) So what changed my hypocritical mind?
The beach wedding of our friends this past weekend! (An otherwise blissful and not-to-be-forgotten event—thanks, guys!) Before social networking sites exploded in popularity, the number of people sharing photos publicly was pretty low. If you wanted to share them, you’d email or upload them to an online photo gallery for close friends. Now, unflattering or otherwise embarrassing pictures are visible to just about everyone (depending on privacy settings). Yes, funny pictures are just that. But whether it’s a rowdy bachelorette party or just a bad angle, please stop to think if your friend would mind. (This applies even more so if you KNOW they have insecurities and the photo magnifies said issue.)
Maybe I just think too much about other people’s feelings (Mr. P is nodding from a safe distance), but isn’t it better to err on the side of caution? I understand you cannot control what people say or do, and you run the risk of looking like a control freak (or, ugh, bridezilla) if you try, even nicely. With all those thoughts under consideration, I carefully selected and edited the photos from this weekend, then uploaded them to private albums with a message to the bride, groom, and maid of honor that they would only be made public after their review and final approval.
Imagine my surprise when another wedding guest not only uploaded unflattering pictures, but made them available to eeeverrrrryone. I’m still not sure why this struck me as inconsiderate enough to devote a whole post to it. It just does; I’m going with my gut. (With that said, our plan is to encourage our guests to share their photos via a private photo-sharing account so all the guests can see them…even the ones who aren’t tech savvy. If we have internet access on our honeymoon, you can bet I’ll be stalking the website for new pics.)
Well, this is quite a pickle. Do you “like” or “dislike”? What’s your take on the best way to handle online photo etiquette?
this happened with my wedding - a very close friend put her album up on FB and i asked her politely to removed a few pics where it was a VERY unflattering angle which highlighted some double chin issues i’m conscious of - she responded by saying they were her pictures, she owned them, and if i untagged myself that was enough! after quite a verbal showdown on her FB page she sent me an apology email whilst i was away on honeymoon but to be honest it has really made me think differently of her. - i cant understand why anyone would post an unflattering angle of the bride, and then refuse to take it down when asked!
beware future brides!
I completely agree, but I have to say, I love when people start uploading pictures. I couldn’t make the wedding of a good friend of mine, and I seriously stalked facebook the day after waiting/hoping to see some pictures of the wedding. I was so sad I missed out so I was thrilled when people started uploading.
I will say however that when I have uploaded pictures, I go out of my way to make sure I only put up flattering pictures of the bride and groom. Next time I will do what you did… make it private until I get their approval. Great idea!
It’s not just about UNFLATTERING PHOTOS… as a guest, it’s not up to you to share their special day… it is up to the COUPLE! They should be able to select what they wish to share, and not share to the world about one of the most important days of their life.
It’s funny that you should bring this up…I have an issue with this, too. While I recognize everyone is excited for the new couple and want to share that with their friends, it should be the up to the couple’s discretion when to share the day with those not in attendance. But the question remains, how to deal with it? Shut down the facebook account until after the wedding (in which case people can still post pictures of you and those who run in the same crowd would see them)? Put up a request at the guestbook table: “No photography please.” and run the risk of offending people?
I get this…but I tell you what. I was SO excited to see some pictures up on Facebook the next day. We looked at the ones that had been posted after we opened our gifts and then before we went on our honeymoon. It was fun. 
Oh and the good news is you can go into your settings in Facebook and set up your privacy settings for pictures others post. Set them up so just your friends can see them. Or…right before your wedding…set them up so just you can see them. Then people who know you won’t see unflattering photos of you.
Ps…you really think you’re going to take an unflattering photo on your wedding day? You’re beautiful! Stop fussin’ over it all. You’re going to be a gorgeous bride in pro-pics and on camera phones.
This is really annoying.
I also hate that people will post pictures anyway even if you ask that they please don’t, but they post anyway because they think they look good in the picture that you’re also in.
I’ve had someone ask that I remove photos from FB before and am in plenty of unflattering ones. Now I will say they are not wedding photos were I look bad but its not good and everyone can still see. To by blunt, If you don’t like it untag yourself and get over yourself.
Mrs. Barrettes addressed this very issue, but it seems she changed her tune a bit after her own wedding. I’d ask your friends with cameras to be mindful, but my friends are already like that - we’d never post an unflattering picture of each other unless we cleared it first!
Maybe if you have a card asking people to upload photos to a shared site, you can include a note saying you understand people like posting on facebook, but to please consider the bride and groom and get approval before making the album public.
I’m struggling with this too! I usually don’t see the professional photos of friends (of friends) weddings, because I catch the first ones posted… not always flattering and definitely not always what I think the bride and groom intended for thier wedding to look like. It’s kind of a tough thing to control outside of asking for people to think about it. Even still, I think it’s usually looked upon as a ‘bridezilla,’ thing. Totally agree with you = ugh. Like @Miss OBG said, Mrs. Barrettes said after her wedding she was very excited to see the pictures posted by friends. I think most of us will feel the same way… even still, there will probably be a few unflattering ones 
Boo!
Only a few of my FB friends are actually invited to my wedding, and I am concerned that they post photos that might slightly upset some of my FB friends that are not invited, especially when we have those people in common.
For that reason alone, I am likely to ask guests to upload to a particular sight or request that a few of them be careful of which pictures (containing other guests) they choose to post.
If you want to control other people’s photos and how they use them, then ban outside cameras from your ceremony and reception.
I think this is one of those things that the etiquette for which has to develop over time.
But. Yes, it’s the couple’s day, but a wedding means choosing to share that day with people. And people will take pictures and want to share them with others. In regards to FB, I think if you agree to be on Facebook in the first place, you’ve signed yourself up for making your life somewhat public, and there are fun things about that and there are drawbacks to it, such as not having complete control over your public image. So it may be inconsiderate for people to post unflattering pictures or “premature” pictures of your wedding (ie, their snapshots before you get your pro shots), but I think that you’re ultimately fighting an uphill battle to control the “press” of your own wedding.
I am actually surprised when people AREN’T excited to see pictures. I guess for me - unflattering pics aren’t the worst thing in the world. And usually I’m the only person who finds them unflattering - most others wouldn’t even know what I was talking about. It’s really about my own issues, rather than anything else. You can’t/shouldn’t really control what other people do - and anyway, you might find that you are excited to see those photos, in the end! If you really hate something, then untag yourself and release it. That’s really all you can do without going overboard!
I agree with stacycats. I attended a friend’s wedding in the fall and the days following the wedding, everyone had posted their pictures on Facebook. The bride went out of her way to include as many people as she possibly could, but it’s impossible to invite everyone you know. Because the pictures were all over Facebook, people who hadn’t been invited could see what a large wedding it was and were irked that they weren’t invited, even though they hadn’t spoken to the bride in years.
I don’t think it’s always about just having unflattering pictures posted. It’s the bride and groom’s event. If the picture is not just of the person posting a pic, I think the onus is on them to ask others if they mind being included. There are so many privacy issues stemming from this, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect to have a little veto power.
I have posted a picture or two (not from a wedding) that a friend asked me to take down. I have no problem with that. I try to only upload the better pictures to begin with.
I’m really excited to see pictures that friends will post after the wedding because I know I won’t be taking pictures of my own that day. The professional ones will be a little bit of a wait.
I didn’t care about unflattering pictures (I post plenty of unflattering pictures of myself), but I might care about making my wedding pictures visible to total strangers (which sounds really odd coming from a wedding blogger who posts wedding pictures for friends and strangers alike, but Facebook is a different beast)!
Luckily my friends are all pretty good with their privacy settings. I always untag myself, anyway.
I’m with snappy on this one… I don’t think unflattering pics are the end of the world. Also, as guests, I think it’s fine for them to share their excitement of the day. I really liked when people started sharing photos on facebook from our wedding - any that I didn’t like of myself I just untagged.
I wouldn’t (and didn’t) have any problem with people posting pictures from our wedding. However, while I’ve never had this happen, I would have a problem if I asked someone to take a picture of me down and they refused.
I was thrilled to see people’s FB photos of our wedding! We definitely had no issue with people posting their photos.
I dont think it would really bother me,in fact Id get excited about seeing them because they are different photos that werent organised or “posed” by me,and you get to see different angles.Of course there will be some unflattering ones,Im not a supermodel and I do pull some silly faces lol!but then in the rare off chance that I would ask anyone to take any down Id expect that to be understood!x
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Mrs. Pain au Chocolat, Wilmington, DE Age and Occupation: 29, Realtor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 34, Realtor Engagement Date: November 21, 2009 Wedding Date: June 2011 Venue: Greenville Country Club About Me: An ENFJ with an artistic streak who loves backgammon, sailing, graphic design, and sleeping in. Travel (near or far), good wine, and tasty food makes my heart sing. I'm a compulsive list-maker who lives to plan and organize. Mr. P and I have lived together for 4 years, all the while renovating our city townhome bit by bit. We're planning a whimsical, Anthropologie-inspired garden wedding in June 2011.
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