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I am the reigning king of the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, so when it came time to draft up the guest list, I knew we were going to be in for some rocky waters.
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One of the first things I did once we were engaged was draft up a list of all the people I could think of that would be invited to the wedding. It’s pretty much the first step to figure out how big the venue needs to be, how much catering might cost and how much furniture we’d need to rent (tables, chairs, etc). My first list had about 150 people on it, which would put us at around 135 attendees aka perfect!
So, once the venue was booked and we put a deposit with the caterer for 135 people, I sent the list to my mom for any minor additions. I always knew in the back of my mind that Mama Bacon would add some additional family members since Chinese culture pretty much mandates that all family members within a couple generations are invited, but what I wasn’t expecting was an additional FIFTY guests!
Does this sound familiar? ”But, honey, it’s not like they are really going to come.”
Um, but Mom, what if they do? Sure, that means that they’d have to fly over 9300 miles each way, spend a ton of money on hotels, food, entertainment and shopping (c’mon they are related to me, after all), but what if they look at this as the perfect excuse for an American vacation? Not to mention that not all the people Mama Bacon added are international. The couple that she and my dad have decided are their new BFFs… as of last summer? Oh, yeah, they’re on the list. My great aunt I haven’t seen since high school? Yep, she’s on it, too.
What do we do? We sent save that dates to people on the first draft of the guest list, and now we cross our fingers and hope we don’t have too many people to fit in our venue.
Did you have guest list issues? How did you handle it?
I’m having the SAME problem. We haven’t even sent out save the dates yet, so I’m hoping that we can still convince my parents that ALL of their friends and second cousins don’t need to be invited. I’m interested to hear how others handled this as well!
Are your parents paying? This is kind of what made the decision for me. My parents are not paying, nor are my fiance’s. While this may offend some parents, if they’re not contributing financially, I don’t think they should be able to add a substantial number of guests to the list. Maybe a couple but not 50!
Also, it depends what kind of wedding you want. It was really important to my fiance and I that we know everyone at our ceremony and that it be kept small. If that’s important to you, explain that to your mom. She may not understand, but maybe you can compromise with an extra 20 or something instead of 50.
Totally been there, still am there, and often bang my head against my desk because of it. 
Our venue holds 60-70 people tops, and someone still wants us to invite an additional 60 people on the assumption that they “probably” won’t make it. My side of the family solved the space issue by having a smaller, casual Chinese banquet after the wedding. The stars really aligned on that one because it turns out a lot of my parents’ old friends will be in town for a seperate reunion event anyhow!
Not helpful but here’s some fun trivia. That game was created at my alma mater. It’s probably our only claim to fame. Now you know.
Yea I have been there, my guest list kept changing, but we made separate lists where we just had to send invites, but knew they weren’t going to be coming! So right slowly the RSVP’s are coming in, so no big shocker yet, but still hoping no one will come!!
Totally with you. My two sets of divorced parents were surprisingly laid back about the guest list, but my fiance’s parents wanted about 100 extra people. Our guest limit is 150 (ideally we’d like even less!) and even that’s honestly more than we can afford. Since my fiance and I are footing the bill ourselves, that pretty much made it easy to say no. We ended up allowing my fiance’s parents 10 extra people that were not family or that FI and I already wanted to invite. I am still having some minor skirmishes (”What do you mean my niece’s boyfriend can’t come?” “Um, because I’ve never even met your niece, let along her Flavor of the Month.”), but am handling those with “Our venue won’t accommodate more than 150.” Our invite list is at 177, which makes me lose sleep, but hopefully it will be below 150 by the Big Day.
So, be firm, engage in some minor compromising, but don’t forget this is YOUR wedding! Good luck!
my FH keeps wanting to add random people to our guest list. Anyone he works with who inquires about the wedding he feels he needs to invite simply because they are discussing it.
Also we are trying to keep the wedding under 100 for cost reasons and fire code reasons. I’ve explained to most guests that unless they are husbands, wives or long term partners, plus ones will not be happening. Unfortunately my family keeps wanting to add their current partners.
So yes, guest list issues run rampant.
I feel ya B.! Now that we are getting ready to send out invites to our at home reception our guest list keeps growing with requests from both sides to add people.
I feel you. My parents want to keep the list small because they’re paying…but his wanted to add about 35-40 people as well. Since they aren’t paying, I ended up giving them a number that they could invite. They could choose whoever they wanted, as long as it fit within that number. It ended up working, but his parents are still talking about how SMALL the (180 person) reception is and how some of their friends have been offended. Sigh. What can you do?
Our wedding is in 3 months. . . my Dadzilla added to the guest list last week. Oy.
I just roll with it, but I hope they don’t come :).
Could be worse like, you know, not having hired transportation yet. Oops!
I’m going through the same process right now. The FI and I planned our guest list draft then asked our parents to look over it and add anyone really important that we might have forgotten. My mom came back with 20 more people - over half of whom I’d never met, and all close enough to come! I put my foot down early and said I wouldn’t invite anyone I didn’t know personally - it doesn’t make sense to add my parents friends and possibly leave out FI and I’s friends because of it. It helps that FI and I are largely paying for our own wedding, so while I will take a few of her suggestions, I don’t feel too obligated to invite everyone she wants me too. And she was fine with that, btw! 
Same thing happened when we asked our parents to make (minor) additions to the guest list. Fortunately we’ll be fine at the reception… but it might be a little tight at the ceremony!
@Miss Tartlet: I think if this starts to get out of hand, we might have to do the same thing, but in Singapore for the extended family. It would have to wait until 2012 though…
@Miss Giraffe: LOL, the famed “Dadzilla.” I die. @toshella: That’s a great rule of thumb! I might be instituting that soon.
I know so many people invite folks that won’t ever come, but I think it would give me a heart attack to know that our venue wouldn’t hold them! Good luck - my fingers are crossed you receive as many “regrets” as you’re expecting!
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Mrs. Bacon, Chicago Age and Occupation: 26, Digital Advertising Manager Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, IT Client Services Engagement Date: June 17, 2010 Wedding Date: September 2011 Venue: Ravenswood Billboard Factory About Me: I'm a Midwestern girl that can't seem to commit to staying in one place for too long and is constantly daydreaming about my next adventure. I am an aspiring foodie with a weak spot for the unusual and I love semi-reality food television. My other loves easily include laughing as a form of exercise, a book that I can't put down, summer baseball games, espresso with whipped cream, couch potato days and nights with the ridiculous Mr. Bacon, and our two kitties, Lincoln and Sawyer. We're planning a faux-destination wedding for 150 of our closest friends and family in the city we've both adopted as home that has a modern, yet whimsical twist and as many personal touches as we can manage.
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