Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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How has your marriage affected your other relationships (with family, friends, coworkers, etc.)? Have you noticed a change in any of your other relationships now that you’re married?

For us, there wasn’t a change, really. Since we had lived together for three years before the wedding, and had been together for four years total, it seemed everyone was used to us being “us.” I had lost one friend early on in our relationship—she was a toxic friend who couldn’t stand seeing me happy and refused to be around me. I think of that as a good change, definitely. Other friends still saw us, and we made more couple friends, which was nice.

I’d have to say the bigger change came from having children, though. Our friends without kids (married or single) are less likely to invite us to things, while family seems more likely to invite us places, even for the smallest things—because they want to see the baby. I can’t blame them, though!

Nothing much changed.  I already considered my in-laws family before we got married, and pretty much everything stayed the same with our friends, since we’d been living together for three years already. Sorry for the boring answer!

I think that because we lived together before we were married and had already bought a home together, a lot of people already saw us that way. So, no, I wouldn’t say there were any drastic changes in our relationships with others. The only thing I can think to mention is that I feel like our relationship status is more…accepted…than it previously was. People in our area tend to marry somewhat young and without dating for a super-long time, so even after our relatively short time dating prior to engagement (a year), people were beginning to ask when we were going to “make it official.” Now, we’re definitely “official”!

For me, there has been a pretty significant shift in my relationship with a few members of my family. A very good shift. I’ve always been a people pleaser, and I have spent a lot of time in my life hiding my true feelings and even some of my personality for fear of offending my parents or other people in my family.

But guess what? Now that we’re married, I don’t care! I feel completely free to be totally myself because I no longer feel like I owe it to my parents or anyone else to be who they want me to be. (My parents were helping us financially up until we got married.) It’s been incredibly freeing to not worry about what other people think anymore and to just truly let go and be myself—and I feel like it’s helped my relationship with my parents become much more real, and much more mature!

I think some relationships have changed (which I’m surprised at) and others have stayed the same. We have a few single guy friends we used to hang out with all the time that we don’t see as much now that we’re married. I’m not sure what has changed, besides the actual being married part, since Mr. Joey and I lived together for four years previous to getting married.

I think my parents are so much happier now that we’re married. I think they liked Mr. Joey before but have warmed up to him that much more now that we’re married. I bet it has to do with the the whole not living in sin (anymore) thing.

I’m not sure it’s a relationship, but the whole work/travel dynamic has changed a bit. I used to get sent on three- or four-week work trips at the last minute and with very little say in dates or length of the trip. Now my boss expects me to negotiate the length and date of the trips. It’s a nice and welcome change.

I have to answer this with a yes and a no. I think our relationships with our families have been a changing process since we got engaged. Our families definitely see us more as a unit now, but we are still their children, and we have been working through this for over two years now. It’s been a complicated process for us, but everyone is truly starting to settle into these new roles now.

As far as friends go, nothing really has changed. We have been together for six years, so most people think of us together at this point, and not any differently now that we are “officially” married.

I think I’ve started paying more attention to relationships in general after the wedding so, naturally, some of my closest ones have really thrived and others have faded. When you’re talking about a finite number of people to invite to your wedding, you start this process already as a bride. But, afterward, who’s left? Who’s new? We validated our promise to one person on wedding our day, so it made perfect sense to me to extend that beyond my spouse.

Getting married turned out to be the perfect milestone to start being a grownup, in every sense of the word. It means so much more than winning the game of life. To me, it means treating others the way I’d like to be treated. Taking ownership over my life, the good and the bad. Spending my time and money wisely. Saving mental energy for things that matter. Not bullshitting myself (or anyone else) is a biggie. Easier said than done, o’ course.

So, yeah, to that end, I’d say people who tend to agree with these tenets are closest to me. I find myself having more and more trouble relating to people who don’t.

We’ve been a package deal for so many years that nothing has changed with any of our friendships, although now our friends can joke about us being an “old married couple.”

But a few minor things have changed with both sets of our parents. While I adore my in-laws, before our wedding I always felt more comfortable having Mr. Cola ask his parents about things. These days, I feel just fine about directly emailing my MIL about anything, especially after Mr. Cola said he was tired of being the go-between when he was contributing nothing to the conversation!

With regards to my relationship with my parents, my solidarity and priorities have shifted since getting married. Before we were married, I would often find myself not choosing sides (between my parents and Mr. Cola) over things, or defending everyone’s different choices. Now there’s no question: my husband is my priority, and I’ll side with him any day. I feel like this is the right choice for me—he is my #1 family member now. I know this can be something that is difficult for parents to deal with, but like I said above, we’re a package deal now, and a united front.

Not much has changed.  If anything, my relationship with my parents has only grown. But, I think that is partly due to the fact that my mom was such a naysayer during my planning, and after the wedding happened she sort of “saw the light.” And she’s now a complete supporter of the business in planning I am building.

Other relationships with friends and famliy have been the same—mostly because I treat them the same, with the expectation that they will do the same. While marriage is a big thing—it was not so incredibly life altering that I expected to be treated differently. I just wanted people to know I am the same person, but now share my life fully with an incredible individual.

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What about you? How has your marriage affected your other relationships (with family, friends, coworkers, etc.)? Have you noticed a change in any of your other relationships now that you’re married?