Weddingbee Blog

“A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.”

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Moving in together.

Mr. Ostrich and I had been together almost 3 years before we decided to shack up. And since we’d spend most of our days and nights together…and lived 2 blocks from each other, we were sure there’d be no surprises when we made our roommate status official.

Hahahahahaha…oh man, we were SO wrong.

It’s amazing the stuff you discover about your SO when you live with them…and vice versa. Each time, I’d scratch my head, stare at him and wonder, “Wow, that was weird.” And then I’d catch him eyeing me suspiciously like I was some doppelganger. No doubt, bees, it’s a whole new world when you have nowhere to hide.

Most of the revelations? Small, quirky stuff. Here are a few of my favorites:

A few of my roomie discoveries about Mr. O:

1. He thinks it’s weird if people wander around the house while brushing their teeth (me)
2. He rarely does laundry but is the best laundry folder in San Francisco, no lie. (Thank you Gap for making him the master denim wall folder at the tender age of 15.)
3. He likes to sit down and eat meals together. Especially Sunday dinner.

A few of Mr. O’s roomie discoveries about me:

{My & Mr. O’s ongoing battle - in the name of fashion}

1. I like to fall asleep on the couch while watching late night TV.
2. I love soap operas (Days, GH, OLTL, YTR - thanks mom!) and watch SoapNet.
3. I’m organized in my head but a pack rat/borderline hoarder (of clothes, shoes and mags) in my home. This drives him bananas. Thank goodness for storage.

And then there were the bigger hurdles.

The first one? How to interact after a loooooong day at work. In the beginning, we tried to hang out and chat when we got home. But really? All I wanted to do was be silent, for 30 minutes or so, and decompress on the bed, the couch, wherever. For me, silence was as good as gold after a work day. But I didn’t want Mr. O to think I was freezing him out. I just needed some me time. But did that make me a bad partner? I felt just like Carrie when Aidan first moved in…remember that?

And then one day…after an exceptionally brutal day at the office, he turned to me and said, “Is it OK if I just relax for a bit on the computer/watch SportsCenter?” It turned out we both needed some me time after work and I let out the biggest, longest sigh of relief. “Go for it. No seriously babe, take your time. I’ll be in the bedroom drinking wine and reading Us Weekly.” And you know what? Comfortable silences are just as great and helped us become a better duo.

The second big hurdle? This one was the uglier one. The, “What in the heck do you do-slash-where in the heck do you go when you have an epic, OMG-this-is-it-the-world-is-ending argument” one. Or if I’m being less dramatic, “How do you deal when one of you is in a bad mood?” Oh yeah, just that.

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If we weren’t living together, these were the times where we’d end the argument by announcing, “I’m going home,” and *POOF* we’d have salvation, calm down and realize we were being ridiculous and talk it out a few hours later. But uhhh, now, we WERE home. And while these crappy situations were few and far between, they still happened and we needed to figure out how to deal.

And you know what? There’s no right answer or one way of dealing with an argument or a bad mood. It just depends. Sometimes, if one of us is cranky or having a bad day, one of us will get out of the house for a bit, go to the gym or yoga or take Nap for a walk so the other has time to diffuse. And for the arguments, sometimes going into separate rooms for a bit to watch TV or listen to music is enough for us to simmer down. But for those rare, gnarly, ugly crying fights, usually one of us will need to get out of the house and cool off…usually surrounded by the support of friends and the comfort of a stiff drink. And that’s OK, because leaving the house after a fight doesn’t always mean you’re running away. Sometimes people need to look at a problem from a different angle to figure out how to fix it…you know?

And seven years later, Mr. O have mastered the art of living together. Sure, we have dark and twisty days…but we get through them and have way more bright and shiny ones—and it makes us better every time.

{as Miss Jam would say, I have some serious dubs action in this photo. ugh. but Mr. O loves this photo…and I love him, so here it is }

What are some of the quirky things you learned about each other when you first moved in together? And how do you deal with the hurdles in your relationship when you share the same roof?